Parent's evening bomb drop... what are we looking at here?

[KevinMcKiddsThighs]

Had parent's evening last week for DS(5). Sorry I've name changed. Teacher is getting him accessed by SENCO(?) with our permission.

Several reasons:

1. he likes to roll on the floor and cannot seem to stop/be stopped until he's ready. Along the same lines, he has a head dance that he does quite often, just rolls and rolls his head.

1. cannot cope with cold weather AT ALL. Has big melt downs when too cold, he's not good at being too warm either but it doesn't affect him as much as the cold.

1. he's obsessed with lights! Seems to have a very obsessive personality, still likes to line up all his toys (have been told he should have outgrown this by now?)

1. although he's sociable and can play alongside other children he doesn't seem able to read their cues and he can be either very loud, happy and in your face or very grumpy. Very OTT.

There are other things but these seem to be the main issues and all I can remember ATM.

Now I don't disagree with his teacher, some of the things he does seem a little odd, but I suppose we've just got used to them. I really wasn't expecting this, I knew he was struggling at school but had seen some improvements regarding his work. I don't know what we're looking at and I feel a bit lost.

Are these particular traits of anything and what happens next?

Kevin, my DS2 has ASD, but my DS3 although quirky, and I recognise a lot of ASD traits, would never be diagnosed. The trouble with us on here is that we know our own kids and they generally did end up having some problem. Don't panic yet, get reading, get help at school and keep on top of things.

My lad suffers total dairy milk protein intolerance,(nearly killed him as a baby)

Get medical advice and establish clearly what component of dairy it is e.g lactose or the protein that he's intolerant too as the symptoms manifest themselves in totally different ways. Also establish whether it's an allergy (anti-histamines, epipen etc needed) or an intolerance (think of a coeliac). It is possible to have both. It's useful to know if it's cows, sheep or goats milk proteins his body has an issue with too as it'll make altering his diet simpler if you know.

If it is a milder version of my son's intolerance it would really be worth seeing how much better he'd be after 6 months on a medical dietician prescribed diet as his brain would finally be able to asborb some substances it couldn't before.

It's not just removing something from the diet, it's ensuring the right stuff goes back in. This is my key reason for advocating qualified specialist medical supervision so strongly.

You have been told differently to me, zzzzz. Now I don't know who is right? It seems to make sense to me that high functioning would mean how well a person can function. Some autistic savants have very high IQs but are very autistic. I'll have to research it again. My DS has an above average IQ but he's definitely more autistic than a friend's DS with Aspergers who has an average IQ. I'd say my friend's DS is higher functioning than mine.

Sorry, I really thought I was right. It is a minefield.

Hi zzzzz. I suppose it's true that people with low functioning autism generally have low IQs, or at least IQs that can't be measured. I've been told that my DS has HF ASD, and he's in mainstream school, so I guess that it's a wide and complex spectrum, and we never know for sure where they are on it.

Sorry, Kevin, for hi-jacking your thread. Hopefully you'll read it all and be reassured rather than too worried. Your DS does sound great.

Morning all.

I don't think it's a case of not being able to sit still, she said he was well behaved, did what was asked of him but he quite often takes himself off, mid activity and rolls... For a while! He did the same at preschool, they weren't concerned at the time though.

He is a great little boy and very funny.

Not really surprised re Preschool. Preschool staff in the main are not trained to recognise any type of special need be it ASD (this thought did cross my mind initially when you wrote about your son) or any other.

You have been given some great counsel from other posters; do take heed and get the GP on board asap. Your son needs a referral to a developmental paed and proper medical advice re his bowel issues.

Do not blame yourself for what has happened although that is soooo easy to do. What you need to do now though is act also as his advocate with regarding to ensuring that his additional support needs are met in school. You may ultimately want to apply for a Statement for him from the LEA.

You need to act for him because no-one else will do that; you are truly his best - and only - advocate. You as his mum are truly in the best position to help him re school. You may ultimately want to apply for a Statement for him from the LEA.

OK first step is GP - shall do that asap.

Really struggling with not blaming myself ATM. Had pnd for the first year of his life and was always worried that I didn't stimulate him enough, take him to baby groups etc.

Hi,

Good luck re the GP; insist on a referral to the GP and do not take no for an answer!.

Re your comment:-
"Really struggling with not blaming myself ATM. Had pnd for the first year of his life and was always worried that I didn't stimulate him enough, take him to baby groups etc".

I think many of us on here have felt very similar at some stage and particularly the early stages.
I will reiterate; it is not your fault that this has happened to him. I was actually told those same words by a dev paediatrician and it helped me a hell of a lot at the time.

Be his mother together with his advocate. I say advocate as no-one else will do that for you and him and you are in truly the best position to fight his corner.

Do you at heart think your son is somewhere on the ASD spectrum?.

(BTW my son is now at secondary with a Statement. He is doing well at school and is very happy there)

hi it does hit you a bit hard. My DD1 got dx with ADHD on xmas eve and at her app they told me they suspected aspergers as well whic hcame as a massive blow to me as i feel shes very social - if a little in your face! However her school are VERY unsupportive and unhelpful so its good your DS's school are helping.
MY DD2 has sensory issues and is possibly on the spectrum somewhere but at 19 months perhaps too early to tell she has lots of vibrating cushions and things that she rolls round on the floor with that she loves.

Good luck, you are probably at the start of a very long journey but its worth it to get DS the help he needs

I think there is something not quite right, it's been my gut feeling for a while but I kept burying it. I've mentioned it to people before and they've all said "but he's so well behaved" or "he's a boy, they're all like that" and things along those lines! HV told me he seemed completely fine and even his speech was no problem. So whilst I've had a feeling all is not well, it's been easy to be reassured, but I've still always come back to it, usually in the middle of the night when he's had a bad day. I couldn't say whether or not I thought he was on the ASD spectrum as I don't know much (if anything) about it, he seems to have quite a few AS traits but then some of the other things he does suggests it isn't anything like AS!

I suppose I'll have to step back from the diagonising and just be there for him and ready to fight his corner like you say.

At this stage in his schooling, I just want him to enjoy it and be happy, which so far, for the most part, he is - it's reassuring to hear your son is happy and doing well.

Thanks Chundle. Sorry to hear your school are being a bit shit. I hope DS's School remains as supportive as they seem so far. Time will tell!

its quite common esp if high functioning to have slipped trough the net even at home because as you say you thought he was just a bit different and qwerky and we tend to put a lot of behaviours down to that and even not notice some at all as were so used to seeing it, its only as you go through school and as they sometimes get a little older you notice a lapse in milestones comp to peers and struggling to conform ie; line up quietly sit on the mat ,dont shout out, being well behaved in assemblies ,not getting over excited in a hightened state at playtime or in pe . you more than anyone will know deep down if things are not quite right and if he needs a dx at all i think the big question is hows he doing in school at home with "relationships" and conforming the most important factor is is he happy my DS really isnt he has low self est from trying and failing to conform for years and feeling lonely and being bullied over such a long period and even teachers say and do the wrong things my son spent all last year not being allowed to go out to play or ever have golden time and half the lessons spent in the corridoor