Ds1's Outward Bound Trip [long]

[moosemama]

So, ds1 is going on his first ever overnight school trip in a couple of weeks. He will be leaving on the Friday morning and returning on the Sunday evening, so two nights away from home.

The trip is fundamentally an outward bounds/activity weekend and when they initially sent the letters out, I thought ds wouldn't want to go and was ready to book a weekend at Legoland for that weekend to give him an excuse for not going. When I first told him about it, he was adamant that he didn't want to go. Then he went into school, where all the other children were of course really excited about it and decided he did want to go - not least of all because his best friend is going.

The Head gave a talk about the trip at the parents' information evening in September and said that children are expected to be self-sufficient and the point of the trip is to develop independence. So, they will have a timetable and list of equipment on the wall in their rooms and will be be expected to work out where they need to be, decide what is appropriate clothing for the activity and make sure they are there on time and suitably equipped etc.

I spoke to the Head (who leads the trip) at his last IEP review and said I was concerned about this, as ds is not at all independent, in fact he has a very low-level of self-awareness and would need far more support than his peers. Dh offered to go along as a general helper, so that he cold be available to supervise ds if necessary, but if not could just be another pair of hands.

The Head assured me that he had already discussed ds going on the trip with his class teachers and that they were keen for him to go, felt it would be good for him and understood that he would need extra help. They also, very kindly, told us that he has already been allocated a bed in the same room as his best friend, as they knew how important that would be to him and that he would need to know in advance in order to prepare himself - the other children won't find out whose room they're in until they arrive.

Since then ds has had his OT assessment and been dx with hypotonia, some hypermobility, extremely low core strength and very poor upper body strength. The school has had a copy of the report and I have also made sure I listed his AS and hypotonia on the health form we had to fill in.

The thing is, as the trip approaches I'm getting more and more worried about how he'll cope and whether or not the school actually do realise just how much supervision he is going to need compared with his peers.

At school he is in a very familiar ordered environment with a set routine and of course, this is the only environment that any of them have ever had to handle ds in.

Its a very different story when you are out and about with him, the phrase 'like herding cats' springs to mind! Without someone gently guiding him he would easily step off the pavement into the road, get left behind as everyone moves on and he's in his own world, etc, etc.

Of course in my mind this all translates into him stepping off a cliff, falling in a lake or getting lost in the caves. I know, I know [over anxious mother emoticon]

The other thing is that he's been struggling to learn to swim and is still pretty much a non-swimmer after one and a half swimming courses. A lot of the activities on the trip involve water (canoeing, raft building etc) He told me yesterday that he's worried about a canoe capsising and him not being able to get out or turn it over - I told him he doesn't have to do any of the activities he doesn't want to do - but to honest I have been thinking the same thing - I can't imagine him being able to roll a canoe with his low upper body and core strength.

So, how to I go about approaching the school to explain exactly what the issues are and how best to handle them? He has an IEP review a week before the trip, but they're always tight on time and I don't think we will be able to cover both the SEN and trip stuff in the time allocated.

Should I write to the Head with a list of my concerns, so that he has time to think about and address them, then get back to me - or would it be better to ask for a meeting specifically to discuss it all?

I don't want to come across as a paranoid and over-anxious mother - even though that's what I am - but I would like some reassurances that all the school and activity centre staff will be made aware of ds's needs and will supervise him accordingly.

Any thoughts ladies?

Auntevil, thanks. I think a heads up on how long it takes him to do basic stuff would be very useful for them.

At home I write reminders in his diary and go through it with him every morning and evening and that seems work ok-ish, so perhaps if they could scribble down a quick checklist for him to have of what he needs when, that might work? Also, I thought help with packing up to come home might be a good suggestion, otherwise I can see the centre having to parcel up a load of his stuff and send it on.

Madabout, its about an hour and a half away I think - so not too far if necessary. I don't think we're likely to need to get there though.

Thanks growlybear. Its on these occasions that I am reminded that ds is an (almost) 9 year old boy first and a boy with AS second. Dirty little urchin!

Off topic - but I'm now in the middle of a row with ds2 about laziness and not applying himself to his schoolwork - oh the joy of parenting. He is such a bright child, but his first response to everything is either "I can't" or "I don't know how" accompanied by much whining and flopping around. I've told him, I don't care if he's in the top, middle or bottom group, as long as he's tried his hardest and done his best, but I am painfully aware that he's doing anything but his best at the moment. I just hate that he's letting himself down.

I am also really cross with myself for shouting at him about it, especially because he just sat there and blinked at me with his big blue eyes and is obviously upset but hasn't reacted at all. Bizarrely, I'd be happier if he'd shout back, or defend himself or something - but it seems even that's too much effort for him. [steam coming out of Moose's ears emoticon]

Much better when they argue back. Much more satisfying. My DH won't bloody argue back either. My DS hates homework, too, with a vengeance. It's against the law apparently.

My dh doesn't argue back either - I think ds2 is taking after him. Of course ds1 more than makes up for both of them.

Ds1 has also told me that homework is against the law and in violation of his human rights! His favourite phrase about anything he doesn't like is 'its a waste of time'. School is a waste of time, homework is a waste of time, baths are a waste of time, brushing your teeth is a waste of time, getting dressed is a waste of time, going shopping is a waste of time etc, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

Ds2 and I managed to meet somewhere in the middle in the end and he completed the SAT paper - he 'couldn't do' - without making a single mistake - thus proving my point!

Oh moose, you are so childish!

Its my superpower dontchaknow!

Anyway, being grown up is such a waste of time.

Morning

Just wanted to pop back and say thanks for all the advice and support.

The meeting went really well, despite me having to go on my own due to dd being poorly. (Don't think dh was particularly heartbroken at not having to attend though. )

The trip sounds really well thought out and organised. I was very impressed that sometime between our phonecall to the school secretary yesterday lunchtime and 8.45 this morning, the Head had emailed the centre for confirmation of their experience with SNs and AS in particular and to double check if they are able to handle a gf diet.

All my concerns were covered and dealt with, ds will be covered in the pre-trip team meeting and his passport discussed, plus I am going to prepare a list of bullet points for each teacher to have to cover the points we discussed today.

The Head has taken the decision for the trip not to include any water sports this year, mainly as we are still having frosts and its not likely to be warm enough - so that was a load off my mind to start with.

It went so well, that I was able to steer the meeting into discussing more general issues relating to ds and school and was told that all staff and support staff, including lunch time supervisors, are having compulsory ASD awareness training in May. I'm really pleased about this as I had thought that all the INSET days would have been allocated by this time of year and was worried the ASD training would be pushed back to the next academic year.

I raised the problem that occurred on Tuesday and used it to illustrate my point that 'certain' teachers, whilst well meaning, are obviously still not managing to understand the implications of ds's needs, relating not only to his AS, but also his physical problems. I think he was quite surprised just how much physical impairment ds has. They have had the OT report, but I think as just saying hypotonia or low muscle tone, doesn't really explain the impact it has on ds's life - particularly in relation to sports and stamina.

Finally we even managed to discuss transition to next year and also my concerns about secondary transition and reasons for wanting to apply for a statement - which amazingly, he seemed to be in agreement with.

So, all in all a very good outcome. I'm really pleased and impressed with the Head's attitude and commitment to supporting ds and making sure all staff are well trained and aware - a very different picture now compared to the beginning of last year.

Wow moose, it sounds like your meeting went really well.

What I wouldn't give for a glimpse into the future, to see if Dd3's school or HT in particular could make this kind of progress.

We are struggling with the implications of moving her but I cannot bear the thought of battling on at this school for another 3 years if they are not going to change.

Transitions are really hard for Dd3 as with most ASD children, so I am stuck between do we carry on with the awful transitions where she is or go for a major one like a new school.

Glad your meeting went well and hope your Ds has a great time on his trip.

Thanks Ineedalife.

This Head inherited an absolute shambles in terms of organisation and leadership, let alone SEN. I think he's just about coming up to his third full year and I finally lost it and started kicking butts at the beginning of the 2009/10 school year, so he was still pretty new to the school back then.

The previous Head was lovely, a really sweet man, who knew every child by name and could chat to any one of them about their favourite hobbies etc. The kids loved him, unfortunately, he was a hopeless Head and had a total lack of planning and organisational skill.

The new Head has always agreed to meet with us whenever we've requested a meeting, has listened well and investigated where necessary and as soon as he the problems with ds were brought to his attention, he acted pretty much straight away to get him some support. I suppose he wasn't aware there was a problem prior to that, as he would have had to trust the teachers that repeatedly kept saying there wasn't one.

He had a stint as acting SENCO at the beginning of this year and that seems to have really helped him get his head around the implications of SEN and actually spend some time discussing parents concerns with them.

Lordy, listen to me singing his praises - I never thought that would be even remotely possible.

He sounds good, sadly I think our horrible HT will stay put until she retires,. She came after Dd2 started and replaced a really lovely and truely gifted HT ,

I don't think Dd3 can wait that long.

In fact I am off to make an appointment to look at another school right now. [She says with a determined faced emoticon].

He sounds like he's being very pro-active and actually listening to your concerns. He's leading the trip, isn't he? I'd have no major worries, then. You can't guarantee that your DS won't have a wobble while he's there, but sometimes it's a risk worth taking. At least he won't drown!

So glad you got somewhere and had a productive meeting. Hopefully there will be better nights sleep ahead for you without the worrying!
Its also good to hear that persistence pays!

Good luck Ineedalife, I hope you can find somewhere your dd will be valued and happy.

Hi Ellen, yes he's leading the trip and I do feel totally reassured having spoken to him. I'm now hopeful ds will have a really fun time and gain a touch of independence in the process.

In the meeting the Head alluded to lots of changes and shake ups in the system - his face was a picture when I told him I'd responded to the SEN White Paper and would be doing the same with the Green Paper, which I have already read and compiled some thoughts on.

I think it sometimes helps to point out that you aren't just a passive parent who is going to take whatever is meted out, but instead are informed and willing to fight for your child.

I definitely made it clear that I'm aware it can be a fight to get a statement for a child who is achieving academically, but that I know that blanket policy refusals on those grounds aren't legal, statements can be issued for social and communication difficulties alone and I would be willing, not only to make the application for SA myself - as I have the right to appeal refusal whereas the school doesn't - but I am fully aware of the process through to tribunal if necessary, 'have friends who have done it themselves ' and am quite prepared to fight. Amazingly, he actually seemed in agreement.

The school has actually just sent out a letter asking us to read 'The Importance of Teaching' White Paper, bearing in mind that all the local primaries are feeling under pressure to apply for academy status, so have made preliminary enquiries in order to be able to gather all the necessary information about the process. They've asked us to write to the Governors with our thoughts and ideas on the subject by the end of the month.

I'm quite impressed, as a lot of the schools around here that are going for academy status have done so by stealth, with very little information given to parents and almost no views sought.

Haven't read all the other posts, in a rush. Call for a meeting to specifically discuss your childs access to trip, as I did. Go with a personal care plan from you, probably templates somewhere, go through day and list what needs to be done and what needs are in detail. Ask for medical forms to fill in. Get risk assessments done in advance and ask to see them. Leave enough time for training of staff. Talk to Outward Bound Centre and send copy of care plan. Even visit them in advance with your child, to look at accessibility. My child with CP, went away for 5 days last year without us and climbed his first mountain in an all-terrain buggy, he felt great about it and said 'Mum if I can do that I can do anything'! Only issue we had is personal TA's couldn't go, so school asked us to attend. My ds. felt discrimminated against, having parent there and pp said they shouldn't be asking you to go. In the end he went supported by other staff, amazing what they can do when you quote DDA.

Thank you for your reply supermum98.

I have indeed been into the school, the head has already pre-empted the need to speat to the Centre and they in turn had sent some questions for me. He's reassured me about all the safety aspects and explained how they manage the various situations I was worried about as well.

I am writing some support notes to be given to each member of staff and discussed at the pre-trip meeting and also to the centre staff, along with a copy of his passport.

Felt a whole lot happier after the meeting and would have slept last night if dd hadn't been really poorly and spent pretty much the whole night coughing, retching and crying.

Happiness has also been subdued after having to write and deliver a formal letter to the school complaining about the handling of bullying this morning.

Its a great shame moose, that they can make sooo much effort in one area ie the school trip, and then let themselves down so badly.

What happened to your Ds [I am assuming it was him]? I hope he was not hurt.

Hi Ineed, it has been a catalogue of things building up over the last couple of weeks, everything from punching, kicking, stone throwing and getting someone to hold him down while he rubbed mud all over him right through to throttling. I have complained to the teachers endlessly and they do the usual - we are aware and dealing with it, but nothing changes.

The Head is great, its ds's teachers and the lunchtime supervisors that need a kick up the bum.

It got a whole hell of a lot worse today, not for ds, but for one of his friends - full story on the Friday Night thread.

Hi all

So he's back and he absolutely loved it.

The Head and two of the teachers came up to us independently to say ds had a fantastic time, was a delight to have and cried when he had to leave.

The only things he didn't have a go at were rock climbing, abseiling and the zipwire/deathslide. Apparently he didn't have enough upper body strength to even climb the ladders for these activities.

He has just spent half an hour soaking a weekend's worth of mud off in a warm bath and is now curled up happily having his 'Nintendo DS time' with his brother, who is torn between whether he loved all the peace and parental attention over the weekend - or missed his big brother more.

Coach was an impressive 40 minutes late back, by which time the heavens were threatening a motley crew of parents and siblings who were distinctly fed up of being stood by the roadside. (I was genuinely starting to panic that there might have been an accident. )

Turned out several children had been sick on the coach and they'd had to keep stopping to slop and mop it out. One of these children was ds's best friend, who had thrown up in spectacular form all over ds's backpack. We then received said backpack, in a bin-liner, complete with sick. Bleurgh!

The heavens did indeed open, just as the kids started disembarking from the coach and we were caught up, first in heavy rain, then in a hailstorm whilst trying to organise 46 children and match them up with suitcases and sleeping bags.

I am grabbing the only opportunity for some 'me' time I've had all day, after first getting changed into dry clothes and drying my hair. Then I have to do all the housework downstairs (place is an absolute tip) and prepare for my meeting with the inclusion team tomorrow to discuss ds1's statementing request. Why is it I always feel I have to have the place absolutely perfect whenever an education related professional is coming here?

do what I do moose, clean 1 room and shut all the other doors Hope all goes well tomorrow!

So pleased he had a great time

Thanks Ninja,

I am always paranoid they'll ask to use the toilet, which means going through the kitchen and rear lobby.

Living room currently looks like a jumble sale and I daren't even look in the kitchen. We've been in and out all weekend and have just dashed in and dumped stuff then gone straight out again.

Think I'd better tackle the housework first then sit and prep for the meeting this evening - no fair! Its mothers' day fgs!

Hey moose.. What did I tell you ? :o
so glad he had a great time :)

but ewww to the sick!

Hi moose so glad he had a great time.Don.t you just love the lived in kind of what happened in here type of look on a sunday afternoon.Gonna put mine back together tommorrow.

Thanks folks. I'm so relieved, I knew he'd have a great time really, but it didn't stop me checking my mobile every half an hour all weekend!

Growly, I usually do mine on an Monday and by lunchtime feel like I've just about taken back ownership of at least the downstairs. I am really resenting having to do it on a Sunday - and Mothering Sunday as well, just to add insult to injury.

Ahem ... well, as you can tell, I have thrown myself wholeheartedly into getting it all sorted - that's why I'm still here .... obviously.

Oh and lovely dh dealt with the sick, although he did point out that had it not been mother's day, I would have been very much on my own with that one.

If i was you i would make a cup of tea and have a biscuit as well.

Yay! Gives me hope when DS goes next week... Had a really long chat with DSs teacher the other day who finally seems to be realising he has difficulties with literal language! Yes DS really does believe the water is shark infested if you say it is. Took him to the funfair at the weekend and he chose to go on some scary rides, I have told him the zip wire won't be anywhere near as scary so wondering if he will actually do it.