Hate it when teachers get to personal

[coff33pot]

Why is it you just calm your child down and then up pops another problem for my DS!

Last week it was his toe nail............exactly

Going swimming with his class and the teacher commented to him his toenail needed cutting and does mummy cut your nails?? DS hates it with a vengence and says it makes his feet feel funny so I have to rub his toe like mad to make the funny feel go away. Anyhow he caught it under a door and split his big toe right up the centre (yes ouch!) so needless to say it has a plaster on and there is no way he is letting me near it for the mo.

Yesterday it is his hair...............

DS comes home already in trouble with school for running away again and hiding. To top it all he had a major meltdown and started yelling I dont want my hair cut!

Turns out the teach decided to say to him that mummy should really get your hair cut as it is in your eyes. DS then wouldnt go to sleep till well past 10pm because he was panicking that they were going to make him cut it off.

DS has his hair long and we have been trying to get hair cut since summer but he says he likes the front long because he feels safe behind it (he thinks he is invisable)

So now I not only dont look after his hygene by cutting his toes I cant be bothered about the way my son looks either.

Why cant teachers TEACH and just leave an already insecure child alone grrrrr!

Mad had to rant.....seem to be chalking up more downs that ups with DS school at the mo.

my son pulls his toenails off sometimes and says doesnt hurt mummy i like doing it what would they think lol he does this whilst taking 2 to 4 hrs to get to sleep along with making big holes in his PJs

:o hahahaha bless lol

My DS got hold of his older sisters scissors out of her bedroom. He went into his and cut the toes off all his socks because he doesnt like then touching his toes :o Had a pile of tubes to wear lol

I did write in his home book about it and said they will just have to put up with his "hippie look" :o And wrote that while I accept it was probably just a conversaional comment that could they realise that DS sees things from a totally different perspective to them. This morning for instance he had to check in the mirror that his hair was still there :o

It used to be he was invisible by just closing his eyes when he was little lol. Just progressed from long hair to under tables or on the floor with his bum in the air and a cusion over his head lol :o

zzzzz we have the healthy eating thing too - DS is tube fed but eats as well and is under a dietitan and needs fattening up but the school have their policies......

On the other hand I always get asked why he can't have squash or juice or milk. He can, he just prefers water unless they are prepared to make him a cup of tea or coffee! (Actually one teacher did make him decaff coffee - it's a special school and she said as they were making hot chocolate for someone else she'd do a coffee).

my Ds still thinks hes invisible hiding under his duvet and his regualr place in his wardrobe he doesnt get that when we play hide and seek hiding exactly where you did last time everytimes not going to work and hes 10 lol

Can you send a very brief, polite and factual email to the school each time something like this happens?

With any luck the teachers will learn that there are consequences at home to what they say at school and they are not the people who wind up having to deal with it.

Well comment I got back in the book was what I expected.

"As far as I know no one has talked about getting his hair cut APART from if he complains about it being in his way".....

So? that means they did then lol He had a good day but was in trouble for not picking his coat up. Answer being from DS he had too much in his hands (he was carrying full swimming kit and he is only 5 so small arms lol) Bit petty I think just wanting to put something wrong in the bloody book. Just pick the boys coat up and drape it over his arm. Sometimes I think they go to over the top.

Diet wise I have a constant moan as DS for some reason goes berserk on chocolate. All foods are non artificial colours etc but I dont know what is in chocolate that can send him wild. It kind of brews until about an hour after eating. BUT hey ho school insist on letting him have chocolate puddings even tho I have told them this.

@ Toojung

I think from the reply they missed my point.

I was polite in saying that it was just a conversational comment. But put the consequences that happened at home because of it and I wanted them to try and see that DS doesnt see things the way they do. He gets too indepth about things. I ended it all with a nice smiley face to show I wasnt angry (as such) and said I wanted them to know the reason for his hippy hairdo with a smiley face.

The email idea is a good one. They put in read over the book "please comment on any discussions you have with DS based on the days events" And that is what I have done.

I think they just want me to write down that I have given him hell for being badly behaved and beat him regularly for it" (WHICH I DO NOT! :o) They are not happy because I put down the events and that I have discussed ways with DS of expressing himself instead of running off etc. I try to discuss solutions with my son to avoid outbursts rather than just point blank tell him off. Some days he has been so unhappy with himself at school and have been constantly told off. So he is so down there is no point me having a go aswell.

just goes to prove what i already thought they just dont get it do they or maybe just dont want to , ive tried to explain till blue in the face so much so i look like a bloody smurf lol oops smurfette that my DS takes everything literally

I'd still like to get a hold of the ijeet in my son's first school who told him his Mum was "too lazy to cut up his raw carrot".

He was four at the time and got REALLY upset about it (at that age Mummy is their world and he was so hurt at someone saying something nasty about me.

I was furious because

a/ If he liked eating his healthy lunchtime carrot aka bugs bunny whose business is it anyway, so long as the kid gets a healthy diet?

b/ How is a child expected to settle into school if the staff are putting down his parents? These kids find change hard anyway and if they openly criticise us - how does this inspire the child to trust them?

This comment was the first of many such stupid remarks that eventually led to a complete breakdown of that school placement for my son.

You are not alone. They then have the nerve to complain that the kids have social issues? Manners, or the lack of amongst some staff can be staggering.

yeah they say OUR dc dont have empathy or understand tact???? none of them have a sense of humour either at least yr DS eats carrots (good for him)mine wont eat anything thats not brown lol eww that sounds nasty now ive typed it

Trouble with schools is their lack of empathy, absence of theory of mind, poor awareness of emotions, difficulty choosing the appropriate thing to say, inability to build or maintain relationships beyond a superficial level. Oh, plus their inflexibility, routines and obsessions

mariamagdalena you hit the nail on the head there! Summed them up perfectly :o

Me in the office with HT

Me "he cannot help it"

HT "we really know this and understand"

Me "he cannot cope with large spaces and runs"

HT "yes we have seen this on many an occasion"

Me "he is totally distracted and cannot cope with a full class of children"

HT "we try to keep him 1 to 1 as I know he needs this help"

Me "when he is being an adventurer and hides let him calm down in his own time and he will come out of it, or call me"

HT "yes we will do that"

Sons book

DS has been constantly NON COMPLIANT (i hate reading that!) He was totally refusing to write in his class and shouted at a boy to get out of the way and pushed the boy to one side and ran away. Therefore it was decided your son was a danger to children.We got him out from under table and gave him time out in another class (full of children) He would not calm down and infact got worse so he was locked in HT office and parents were called.

See? they perfectly understand, listen and are compasionate

brilliants too less a word lol I was having hysterics earlier :o :o :o I can just see it popping in my head when I see the teach in the morning :o :o

laughing at maria too. these teachers are a bloody joke. how dare they say you need a haircut or toenails cut. what would the teacher say if a pupil said you need a hair cut miss! At times i am sooo glad that my ds goes to special needs school and not mainstream because the staff there are obviously very understanding and although they are firm they do actually acknowledge the problems our dc have. if my son is upset he can go and be on his own no problem in the light room which he loves. class only has 5 boys in it with 1 teacher and 4 assistants so not too crowded either. Im glad your laughing by end of it coff33, if you didnt you'd crack up wouldnt you.

That special schools sounds a lovely understanding place to be :) Firmness is needed and I need to be calm but firm at home. Talk and not yell. Its knowing the boundaries to which point firmness is not going to help any further because the child is pushed too far and needs to be alone for a little while.

If I didnt laugh (and boy marias post was soooo funny!) I would crack (mind you I have been known to talk to my best friend the wall occasionaly :o)

LOL, think we all talk to ourselves (well i do anyway). like right now im ready to be up for murder lol. Never went to bed until half 12 ds started playing bongo drums 3am. AAAhhh ready to go nuts or be locked up. 3rd night in row practically no sleep. He's none the wiser raiding fridge, as im writing this im sitting wi yoghurts, jelly, potato waffles on my lap (to open / feed him them). Extremely hyper, banging, playing bongo drum n jumping up & down. been told this is all sensory issue. Well doesnt matter eh!! just keep whole house up all night every night. So much for his meds to make him sleep and new one strattera for adhd he's getting worse than usual. Oh well, another day better put a :) on it.

Thanks Maria - I finally understand - Autistic School Disorder. Always wondered what the acronym stood for.
I was going to put LOL, but then i realised that was also a school/LEA acronym as well - Little or Late

I am lucky on the bongo drum front. DS sleeps all night and that I thank my lucky starts for. He doesnt want to go though but once he is in there he "goes camping" and is out like a light.

During the day when he is home from school is another matter :o He has a thing about bottles and tubes and MUST empty them. The bathroom is a nightmare and the taller he gets the easier he gets things. Razors are my fright which have been locked away and we have had to put locks on all our upstairs doors. He likes drawing on the windows with the toothpaste/his sisters art glue/makeup infact anything he can find. One morning he got hold of the spray polish and lets just say mum took a ski trip the length of the house :o He says he is doing a science project. His toys dont actually get used for what they are for and tend to be separated for science lol (this is a new thing :)) Oh and mine raids the fridge from the moment he gets up till the moment he goes to sleep! Along with my 5 cats 1 puppy and 2 other DCs its noahs arc mayhem lol LOVE IT! who needs hair anyway :o

coff33 you have sooo cheered me up only been on this site few weeks and i now realise there are loads of you out there in my world, lol. my ds has thing for bottles/tubes too same as yours, lucky enough he cant manage to open bathroom door only have incidents when my other 2 ds leave door open :)

Glad I cheered you up! I went to school with a stupid grin on my chops this morning and bounced in without a care in the world with marias post in my head. I didnt half get a funny look!