Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Hate it when teachers get to personal

48 replies

coff33pot · 15/02/2011 14:32

Why is it you just calm your child down and then up pops another problem for my DS!

Last week it was his toe nail............exactlyHmm

Going swimming with his class and the teacher commented to him his toenail needed cutting and does mummy cut your nails?? DS hates it with a vengence and says it makes his feet feel funny so I have to rub his toe like mad to make the funny feel go away. Anyhow he caught it under a door and split his big toe right up the centre (yes ouch!) so needless to say it has a plaster on and there is no way he is letting me near it for the mo.

Yesterday it is his hair...............

DS comes home already in trouble with school for running away again and hiding. To top it all he had a major meltdown and started yelling I dont want my hair cut!

Turns out the teach decided to say to him that mummy should really get your hair cut as it is in your eyes. DS then wouldnt go to sleep till well past 10pm because he was panicking that they were going to make him cut it off.

DS has his hair long and we have been trying to get hair cut since summer but he says he likes the front long because he feels safe behind it (he thinks he is invisable)

So now I not only dont look after his hygene by cutting his toes I cant be bothered about the way my son looks either. Angry

Why cant teachers TEACH and just leave an already insecure child alone grrrrr!

Mad had to rant.....seem to be chalking up more downs that ups with DS school at the mo.

OP posts:
EllenJane1 · 16/02/2011 13:45

Hope Maria's blushing.

Spinkle · 16/02/2011 15:56

I'm a teacher - but would never make comments like that. It's shows a distinct lack of understanding and tact.

Being a mum to an ASD kid I hope I would have more understanding of the condition than most. I've got a dx'd AS kid next year and I'm looking forward to showing the rest of the staff how to deal with him and his parents.

Hope that doesn't sound too smug!! Grin

mariamagdalena · 16/02/2011 16:16

Blimey, I really am blushing now Wink

But remember we should only diagnose an establishment with autistic school disorder when a multidisciplinary team agrees there is clear evidence of significant impairment, and no other likely cause.

After all, all boys teachers are like that, they might grow out of it, services to help aren't available, it's because they have troubles at home and my school was just the same but turned out fine. Plus are we quite sure we want to label them, they're probably just naughty.

mariamagdalena · 16/02/2011 16:17

Obviously I don't mean spinkle!

auntevil · 16/02/2011 16:39

Spinkle - be as smug as you like. IMO, we don't have enough teachers like you prepared to stand up for us parents and make a difference to how our DCs are taught/treated. Smile

MummyO3 · 16/02/2011 16:40

only read the origional post, but massive hugs, sounds like the teacher is way to involved, maybe worth going in and having a meeting with them to explain that your child is well looked after and that his hair and nails or whatever else they have a problem with are the way they are because x,y&z iykwim,

as for your ds and his hair, i so get that, i was always like that with my hair when i was younger, teachers used to tell me to get my fringe out of my eyes, they seemed to hate that i hid behind it but like your ds i felt safe behind it, and i got bullied at school so it gave me some sort of peace, im now 23 and still have a fringe always have, but i have a side fringe now, so i suppose i now chose when i want to hide behind it lol, but i would ignore them and leave your ds happy :) gl x

zzzzz · 16/02/2011 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
coff33pot · 16/02/2011 18:04

@ Spinkle

Your school and those kids there are lucky to have you :) Be as smug as you like as your experiences are bound to help them!

@maria

So basically I should all put it down to "challenging behaviour" then and perhaps an ITP (individual teaching plan) might be useful :o

Only today got a copy of DS IEP which they have been trying to stick to and..........no wonder they are having trouble and DS having trouble. Although he is 1 to 1 and has 1 to 1 plays/lessons etc they are still treating him as a "small group" support which is obviously why he has having so many meltdowns as they keep shoving him with a group of kids in his class. Also they said they plan to use a good behaviour sticker chart next week for "eye contact"Hmm

DS doesnt do eye contact and they have been told this but he does hear what they are saying and will do an instruction (as long as it is not group) just wont look at you. Heres to next weeks paddys! I think I am just going to answer with "what do you expect" and do you think you need a hearing test :o I am not going to reprimand my DS when he melts when they are or seem to be doing the oposite.

OP posts:
shazian · 16/02/2011 18:11

coff, i'd be jumping up n down if i were you. does anyone actually ever listen Hmm

zzzzz · 16/02/2011 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
coff33pot · 16/02/2011 18:30

honest answer? NO

Example: This friday they got a big event going on with singing all day involving the whole school and parents coming in at various times of day to watch. They expect him to cope with it despite being totally out of routine. I told them I was keeping DS home that day as he will just run wild. Got a po face look but just said politely to the HT that it will only cause DS stress and upset and also cause the school stress and upset so it is not worth it. Still got a po face

Good news is I marched into docs on friday and I already got a phone call from hospital pead to see DS on 3rd March :o

EP is also coming in on the 3rd to do the other half of her assessment (it was she who agreed that all this was going too slow and not helping DS) which is the day after. I am now armed with a rubbish IEP which I should have had a copy of in the beginning. Soooooo come next week I am hoping to see the EP with at least some ammunition to my DS defense that he is not "just a naughty boy" :o

If all else fails I just might tattoo my convos on their forheads lol :o

OP posts:
Original poster
coff33pot · 16/02/2011 18:36

@ zzzz
Yes they are

!) reward chart for direct eye contact

2)paying attention during class

  1. To follow instructions promptly

4)To give him clear rules and expectations of behaviour in the classroom (which is great for a NT child that isnt freaked out at too many kids)

  1. Clearly established expectations overall at school

  2. Wait for DS response before continuing. Use positive reinforcement

  3. remind DS to look at the speaker and listen to what is being said

  4. discuss with DS the need to follow instructions promptly. Prompt him as appropriate

There you go that is his IEP

nothing about education whatsoever just plain constant bullying really oh and their main aim is to intergrate DS into whole class environment

OP posts:
signandsmile · 16/02/2011 18:38

hiya maria loved the 'diagnosis'. well done! Grin

Spinkle · 16/02/2011 18:50

sheesh - and by these targets are they hoping to make him into an NT child?

There's far too many targets on there. I would suggest 3 in total. One 'social/behaviour', one numeracy based, one literacy based.

Review every half term/ term and make new ones building on what has been successful.

Who the heck is writing the IEPs?

Goblinchild · 16/02/2011 18:52

My son doesn't make good eye contact, it hurts him to try and do so.

Goblinchild · 16/02/2011 18:54

'Trouble with schools is their lack of empathy, absence of theory of mind, poor awareness of emotions, difficulty choosing the appropriate thing to say, inability to build or maintain relationships beyond a superficial level. Oh, plus their inflexibility, routines and obsessions'

Can we add 'some' into that dx, or even most?

Original poster
coff33pot · 16/02/2011 19:07

the HT who is SENCO

it is all behaviour based no education

HT said he has to be constantly 1 to 1

he does really well if he goes to his fav place the library and there is just the one TA same with play he can invite child and they play together in small yard or library under supervision of a TA. But they keep on insisting he has to come to class to be with his teacher and then all falls apart. They constantly move him around the school which he doesnt like and his time outs are in another class so he doesnt calm down. They seem to think he is doing well in the class but by the home book the only good times is during assembly (he cant cope with that so dosent go) where he is in the class with JUST the teacher.

He has probs with writing and the TA at present is writing his stories as he is saying them. he will write a spelling ie at is of on but two letter words is as far as he will go. Reading wise he looks at the picture and guesses till he gets it right. I cant see it but the teachers say he is reading Confused

On top of all this they insist on touching him (which he hates unless it is someone he trusts and he has initiated it) and pulling him out of here and there. Then it results in meltdown so they hold him down and wonder why teach has got a kick in the shins. Hmm

It will all come out in the wash i suppose :o

OP posts:
Original poster
coff33pot · 16/02/2011 19:12

I have got to add that it is the HT and teachers NOT the TAs. TAs are doing great but obviously follow teachers guide. Only prob with TAs are not them themselves but he has so many different ones (5 different throughout day) If he had 1 constant TA that could learn to get to know him that would help him.

OP posts:
Mists · 16/02/2011 19:31

for Marias's post!

I think we should all cut and stick letters out of newspapers saying as much and send them anonymously to the LA Grin

I would go flipping postal by the way if I ever encountered a comment about hair, toenails or food which implied I was lazy!

mariamagdalena · 16/02/2011 21:42

Sorry Goblin, I really don't want to disparage the really caring, good, inclusive schools who manage the torrent of nonsense from on high, listen to the parents and support their students of all types. And there are plenty; I think they have to keep a low profile or they'd be innundated by families like ours Grin. I mean the others.

How about 'many' or 'typical'? No! I've got it! The trouble with 'undiagnosed schools who lack appropriate support' is...

cornslik · 16/02/2011 21:47

There's something in 'Alien in the playground' (I think) about teachers who have a rescue fantasy. Is very interesting.

zzzzz · 16/02/2011 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornslik · 16/02/2011 22:10

Our pead said absolutely NOT to insist on eye contact

New posts on this thread. Refresh page