So according to Tanya Byron, a child who manages to behave at school doesnt have problems, even if they show "bad" behaviour at home

[emkana]

So all is needed at home is firm boundaries, apparently...
This is generally the feedback I'm getting about ds, who is four. He copes fine at school but is very obsessive about all sorts of things at home, and very routine-led, and often seems stressed. But everybody seems to be saying that he's just having me on, manipulating me. Is it really that simple? Sorry if you've come across similar posts of mine about this, but I just need to get to the bottom of this.

Emkana - the firm boundaries thing is correct. These kids need them even more than typical kids. It doesn't mean being draconian, it just means that you can get away with winging it a lot less. Building some predictability into your day and being clear cut about what nexts and about consequences (eg bad behaviour with a toy gets it taken away for the rest of the day because the child is probably bored with it, anyhow) can help to make life a little less fraught.

I have 2 boys being tyrants over the route to school, btw. At one point, one boy would kick off if I took the back lane and the other if I took the front lane. Someone had to just suck it up, I'm afraid (usually the one I didn't have to scrape off the floor because he was in his buggy!)

For the first 18mths or so of pre-school, ds2 was well-behaved there and a nightmare at home. It then switched very suddenly and he was fine at home but a nightmare at pre-school. The staff were shocked at the change in him.

Emkana - I would ask for an assessment, even if only to rule out any further problems.

Thanks everyone, this has been very helpful.

what a load of c**p my son who has just got dx for aspergers can behave well at school unless he has been upset but when he is at home he releases all his stress his doctor says,this is normal because when he is at home he feels safe to relax and express himself,so this tanya needs to get her facts right,stupid ignorant chipstick!

re the OP - given my original misunderstanding - was Tanya Byron talking about SN kids, or NT?

Because if NT, she is right, actually (IME anyway); if SN then she isn't, obv. But I don't know what emkana is quoting from.