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SN children

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Original poster

Do I pull out of school then request statement or request statement first?

38 replies

rebl · 24/01/2011 18:00

I have snapped. I'm so angry I can't even type it out right now. I need to get my ds at least assessed. The school are crap. I'm getting no sleep what so ever. DD is at breaking point because of DS behaviour towards her.

Do I write to the LA asking for assessment or do I just pull him out and find another school and cope with the fall out of 2 children at different schools?

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Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 18:07

Oh and maybe if I get an assessment I can get some sodding help with getting him to go to bloody bed. Oh and maybe so help to stop him running in small circles because thats starting to drive me potty and maybe some help to stop him throwing himself at the wall repeatedly. And maybe some help to stop him running out in front of cars.

Apparently all this is normal fucking behaviour and dd refusing to go to school because she can't face another day with ds hitting her is her just causing a fuss.

I'm just ranting. Sorry.

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IndigoBell · 24/01/2011 18:13

Pull him out of school NOW! Just don't take him tomorrow and inform school that you are home educating him until you find a suitable school for him.

Then you can do both - apply for a statement, and look round schools to find one you like - or you can continue to homeschool him for a while. He is so small. There is no rush to get him into formal educaton....

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 18:18

I'm trying to compose a letter to the ht but I'm too angry.

The teachers answer to the problems with dd not wanting to go to school because of ds is get someone else to take her . WTF? How exactly is that going to fucking help? And do I just accost someone on the street and ask them to take dd? DD needs support and love from me not me to pass her to someone else.

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IndigoBell · 24/01/2011 18:23

Just take them both out of school. Seriously. Don't send them tomorrow, ring up school and say you're deresitersing them.

I honestly would not hesitate at all to do this after all the problems you've had over the last term....

(Unless you think DD needs a break from DS and therefore is better off at school than at home)

TooJung · 24/01/2011 18:25

Just a formal letter following the guidelines according to the part of the UK you are living in. See the threads in the Home Education topic dealing how to deregister.

TooJung · 24/01/2011 19:00

Oops, I don't know about statements though.

WetAugust · 24/01/2011 19:12

Keep him at school.

silverfrog · 24/01/2011 19:17

what records do you have from school re: his behaviour there?

if oyu pull him out, would they tell the truth about how he was when he was there?

if you do not have the evidence that he is failing (being failed, more like) at this school, then I suspect the answer form statementing could be to "try again", with support in place (or, worse still, to deny there are any issues)

I did pull dd1 out in the end, but we had already been through assessment, and were wrangling over placement.

you need the ed psych/salt/cahms/everyone to see him there - behaving as he is doing, and being failed as he is being failed.

I am so sorry.

the school have been so spectacularly useless. what are oyur alternatives, school wise?

IndigoBell · 24/01/2011 19:24

Silverfrog - he is deaf. He qualifies for a statement even if he didn't have behaviour problems.

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 19:27

Dh has just got home and he's fuming. He is AT LAST listening to me. But then he's always defended dd to the hilt and not accepted any crap for her more than for ds. We've worked hard in the last 4.5yrs to ensure that dd isn't affected by ds as much as we can and its all falling apart due to the school. The teacher actually described dd as mean (her exact words) . This is the very same child that just in November the same teacher described as a very delightfull, polite girl who was a pleasure to have in her class.

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silverfrog · 24/01/2011 19:30

Indigo, I know.

But that is a bit like saying dd1 is severe ASD, so qualifies for a statement regardless. it took us nearly 3 years ot get her a statement that was worth anything, even though she has serious issues.

without proof of failing, it is not going ot happen (especially if the school is likely to say "no problem" if mini-rebl is taken out beofre assessment)

the statementing process is shitty.

and the shittiest bit is that oyu have to leave your child to fail while they faff about.

but with out concrete proof that your child is failing, it is more than likely that the LA will try to fob off with "well, try this as some support" rather than actually putting anything in place which helps.

silverfrog · 24/01/2011 19:35

rebl - you need to clarify that comment (and previous) in writing.

get the evidence, written down.

otherwise, the school will fudgeit when ti comes to assessment, and say it is not as bad as you are making out.

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 19:39

Our choice of schools around here.

Another tiny village school next village over, C.
Another tiny village school that this school is federated with, neighbouring village K.
1 form intake school neighbouring village, K.

Number 3 would be my choice. I like the bigger size for ds, bigger range of abilities, less of the small school attitude which isn't doing my ds any favours. Plus I'm a classroom assistant (yr3) there so might be slightly biased!

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Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 19:40

I refuse to write anything down despite being asked to on a number of occasions. We're writing a letter now. DH is so angry as well.

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newlife4us · 24/01/2011 19:49

I know where you are because I've been there. I spent so long deliberating and trying 2 get DD help through a school that just wasn't interested. My DS, who has no special needs, was perfectly well behaved at school was a complete nightmare at home, which I now believe to be a direct result of DD being so unhappy and my stress (although I tried not to show it) at futile attempts to get her help.

We looked not just in our locality, but also at other areas in the country and moved earlier this year. Within 24 hours of new school I was asked how much one to one help DD had at old school and within 2 weeks an application had been made to the LEA for an assessment. The school is fantastic, the teachers, head and Senci are so supportive. DD us happy, DS is a different child ( he would have done well at last school) but has developed amazingly at new school and I am no longer consumed by anger. Our whole family life has been transformed!

I realize that we have been lucky, but I wish I'd been braver sooner! If you are in a position to look elsewhere do. Look for schools whose websites and prospectuses refer to SN early on in their literature. We moved from a school with an outstanding ofsted to one rated as good, but I've been overwhelmed by the new school.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

bigcar · 24/01/2011 19:53

rebl, sorry to hear you are going through this. Have you got advice from the ndcs at all, or your ToD? I found our regional officer at the ndcs particularly good. Is there space at the school you like, at least being a ta there gives you a really good insight.

I'm sorry to say, you don't automatically get a statement for being deaf, it depends on your residual hearing levels and any other needs.

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 20:14

That shouldn't have said "I", should have said "They"

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silverfrog · 24/01/2011 20:23

I thought so!

you need to write a "just to clarify what I heard teacher X say about dd1 earlier.... "quote teacher" - I am puzzled, as only in November, teacher X described dd1 as a delightful, happy little girl."

and a similar letter outlining all of ds' difficulities, and what they have said about them.

each and every one - the accident he had, the issues that have happened in class (wasn't it oyur ds who had his desk moved apart?)

basically, you list out all the issues, and add a "for clarification" phrase at the beginning.

get it in writing, in your words (you could even add in that you have previously asked for this in writing, but htey refused) - then it is up to them to refute, if they can.

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 22:06

silverfrog Yes it was my ds who had his desk moved apart. Can't believe you remembered!

newlife Your story fills me with hope, that we can do this, we can get it right.

A letter has been written.

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silverfrog · 24/01/2011 22:29

oh, it was a situation which really saddened me - wasn't that back when your ds was looking forward to school? and then he arrived, and his desk was moved apart.

Glad oyu've written the letter. you could always add a "We await a response within 7 days, with a plan as to how to move forward form here" as otherwise you could wait around for ever...

I do hope you can get htis sorted.

wrt your other school choices - how likely is your ds to get a place at these schools?

if it is likely, and just a case of moving him and sorting out the school run clashes, then I would say do it, if you are reasonably sure he will be treated better.

the likely outcome of any assesment is that you want him to move schools anyway, so you could just move him now.

my point re: keping him in school was instead of home schooling.

if he is going to be moved to a school who are likely to be more proactive, and more supportive when it comes to statementing, then the move can not ocme soon enough, imo (we did that with dd1 - gave up on hopeless LEA who were not listening, and moved her to another pre-school (in another LEA) virtually overnight. it was still a batle after that to get her statement, but we got there in the end.

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 22:34

Silverfrog Yes it was when he liked school. He didn't understand. It was terribly sad and quite frankly nothing has changed really. Its papered over now.

He'd get into the school I work in and the federated school. There are multiple places at both. I don't know about the other village school (C).

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IndigoBell · 24/01/2011 22:39

Move them both there tomorrow.

silverfrog · 24/01/2011 22:45

if you have another school to go to, I agree with Indigo.

move them.

I don't htink you shoudl leave your dd at teh old school either, but can see how she might not want ot move with her brother right now.

but she has some health issues too, doesn't she? and the school has not handled them well.

if the new school really can handle the issues better, then a lot of the issues your dd is having due to her brother should disappear.

if you don't want ot move them together, I think, in your position I would still move them both, to different schools.

the current school has been shit at dealign with anythign all along, and don't seem to have learned anythign (or been willing to learn anything)

Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 22:47

bigfrog Yes I'm in touch with NDCS. They are supporting me. ToD is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Sensory service here failed their recent OFSTED. They're in a complete mess with only 3 ToD's for the whole county and a freeze on recruitment.

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Original poster

rebl · 24/01/2011 22:53

You're not bigfrog are you You're bigcar. Sorry. Tired and not thinking straight tonight.

Yes, my dd does have health issues that have been badly handled. Today again in fact. She apparently complained of a migraine today but I wasn't called. The teacher didn't believe her. She came home white as a sheet. And because I'm in such a state over ds, again dd has been ignored and not given the care and attention she needed tonight. Its a complete and utter mess. I feel that all the hard work of the last 4.5yrs is being undone so quickly. I hate this. I hate feeling totally out of control of my childrens lives and happiness. Oh and now I'm bloody crying . I'm not even in control of my emotions now. Great. That'll look good if I get to meet the head!

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