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SN children

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Original poster

AIBU to tell teacher that homework (yr R) will be done "as tolerated" ?

46 replies

Triggles · 17/01/2011 18:19

I'm posting this here, for obvious reasons.

Today, the teacher reminded me that DS2 has a handwriting book that they want him to sit down a couple evenings a week and practice his handwriting. I had to tell her that if she wanted to send the book home over the weekend, then I'd be happy to encourage him to do it as well as it was tolerated. But I told her politely but in no uncertain terms that it would not be done in evenings during the week.

DS2 gets home at 3:30 in the afternoon from school, after waking up around 5 and having a long day. He gets home stressed, tired, overstimulated, and badly in need of a wind down and relaxation and family time. I see no point in upping that stress in sitting down and doing homework. We do the reading books in the morning before school, as he is not as tired and tends to tolerate them better then. But when he gets home at 3:30, has his tea at 4:30, and then starts getting ready for bed at 5:30 (bath, stories, quiet playtime), I am loathe to introduce more school things into what little time he has to relax in the evening, as he is generally in bed by 6pm.

I got a bit of a face over this. And a "well, I suppose if you absolutely can't do it during the week, he could do some on the weekend..." Well, yes I guess he could. He has dyspraxia, ASD, ADHD, and sensory processing disorder, as well as speech and language delays. Doesn't he have enough to contend with during the week, without infringing on his own time? I simply repeated that we would not be working on it during the week, but would do some over the weekend as tolerated if they are willing to send it home with him over the weekend.

I HATE homework when they're this young....

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 17/01/2011 18:22

Start as you mean to go on. You've got my vote.

Goblinchild · 17/01/2011 18:24

You know, I didn't even register that it's in SN?
I think it's a perfectly acceptable answer to anything set as homework in Reception or Y1.

SauvignonBlanche · 17/01/2011 18:25

Well done!

Spinkle · 17/01/2011 18:25

Homework in Reception?

Bloody hell.

My DS has homework (yr 1). We never do it. They never ask for it.

And if they DARED to, I'd tell them to 'jog on'.

I don't believe in homework in Foundation and KS1.

(Am a teacher btw)

Sparkletastic · 17/01/2011 18:26

YANBU - you have thought it through and are acting in the best interests of your DS. Homework is far from essential in Reception. My DD2 has just started school and has hearing, speech and language and processing issues. We do homework at the weekend as she is quite up for it then and we read together and practice her 'sound book' every night as long as she isn't too tired. You know best. Are you happy with the school in other respects?

HumphreyCobbler · 17/01/2011 18:31

homework (apart from reading) should not be set in reception.

YANBU.

I am a teacher btw.

Goblinchild · 17/01/2011 18:34

A hat-trick of teachers!

Al1son · 17/01/2011 18:34

DD2 has just begun to do homework when she can tolerate it and that is not all the time. She is in year 3. I told her previous teachers that I would not ask her to do it. They didn't argue or ask for it.

She is being assessed for ASD/SPD but I don't think that should matter. Year R is far too young to be expected to do anything extra at the end of the school day unless the child wants to do it and enjoys it.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 17/01/2011 18:39

Yabu imo
Forcing the issue of homework with a reluctant child can turn an enthusiastic learner off reading and writing completely.

However, at some point you will have to incorporate homework into your evening routine.
Bed at 6 and awake at 5 is very early.
By lunchtime your ds will be very tired. Is there a way for you to adjust your routine to a later bedtime and later morning?

Original poster

Triggles · 17/01/2011 18:49

morecrack it is not ME that sets his wake up time. He is (and has always been) up by 5am, sometimes as early as 3. He has very interrupted sleep, but still always wakes up very very early. As a result, even though we've tried many many times, he will not stay up any later in the evening. We have tried to adjust his bedtime to even 7pm, and he simply does not tolerate it at all, he will be sitting and sobbing that he wants to go to bed. I REALISE that bed by 6 and awake by 5 is early. But it is his body clock that is setting this, and that's all there is to it.

OP posts:

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 17/01/2011 18:57

Hmmm, tricky.
Have you tried moving it by 10 minutes per week rather than an hour in one go? Might make it easier for his body clock to adjust?

Goblinchild · 17/01/2011 18:59

I can't remember if MoreCrackThanHarlem has a child with ASD or not.
But yes, you can spend a lot of time and futile effort trying to reset a body clock that can't be.
f he's coping with MS school, that's enough of a triumph without adding homework.

asdx2 · 17/01/2011 19:00

Ds now 15 has rarely done any homework at home because it's a battle I don't feel is worth fighting. Schools have been very supportive though probably because they realise that battles with ds are only worth it if it's a matter of life and death. His current school has homework periods written into his timetable so all coursework and homework is completed in school. He will occasionally complete some maths at home and is rewarded by having chill out time during the homework session.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 17/01/2011 19:03

Goblinchild- my dd is nt but I am a SEN teaching assistant working with children with ASD and specific language impairment

londonone · 17/01/2011 19:12

Seriously? No no no to homework in YR and no no no even more so in your son's case.

Goblinchild · 17/01/2011 19:14

auntevil · 17/01/2011 19:18

Reception year is a huge step up in how long they are in school for. They have in some cases gone from a couple of hours of pre-school to 6 and a half over the summer. He is still getting used to the increase in time. I wouldn't start adjusting his clock to incorporate anything - let his little body get used to full time school.
In fact, i remember my DS school advising not to do any after school activities until they had settled into a routine and did not get over tired.
Apart from reading practise (as much as each individual can tolerate) and a few spellings, My DS2 (NT) doesn't get anything in year 1. My DS1 has always been given leeway. I was told that each homework piece should be about half an hour (he is given 2 for a weekend). If i think that he is taking an unreasonable amount of time in finishing, i can just make a note and end the homework there. He is in year 3. He has taken to finishing the work regardless as he thrives on the praise he will get from doing it. That is his choice, i have never forced him to work beyond his tolerance level. Learning should be fun and enjoyed.

cansu · 17/01/2011 19:36

Here's another vote for no homework at this level and in these circumstances from another teacher! You are absolutely right. My dd2 (ASD) is in reception, at the moment just getting her through the day is enough. I think sometimes teachers may not know how tired and stressed children with SEN are when they get home. I guess if you have NT children then you would have no idea. I know tht before I had my dc I was blissfully unaware of this aspect (amongst others!)

Original poster

Triggles · 17/01/2011 19:52

I think that because they see him bouncing all over the place as he's leaving school that he has boundless energy. They don't realise that once he gets home, he literally crashes in a huge armchair with a snack and zones out for 20 minutes with a TV programme that he has seen to destress. It's his routine every day. He spends that time slowly calming down, you can literally see the tic in his eye and see him be all twitchy and then calm a bit. And he is so exhausted at that point - that's why we do not do his reading in the evening. He's much more ready to sound out words in the morning after his breakfast.

Overall, the school has been brilliant about the SNs. I guess that's why I was a bit puzzled over the on the homework front. We do everything we can to work with the school, attend every meeting, incorporate stuff at home that they are doing at school to make things go more smoothly for both, keep the teachers advised well in advance of any appointments. So I'm not backing down on this one - this is not necessary for him at this stage. Besides, due to the dyspraxia issues, he is still very very frustrated with his pencil grip and hasn't even chosen left or right hand yet. The last thing he needs is more pressure over this right now - we're due to get some further info from the OT about this soon, and hopefully it will be helpful.

And yes, we have tried very small increments over a long period of time, and he is utterly resistant. He can actually tell time just enough to be able to see by the clock what time it is. He gets very upset - he is very rigid about routines. To my mind, it's just not worth upsetting him so much over this. Perhaps when he is older, he'll be more receptive. But at 4yrs, I just don't think the homework is necessary. Glad to see it's not just me that thinks this way.

OP posts:

Al1son · 17/01/2011 20:49

Triggles we even tried changing the clocks once to get DD1 to sleep earlier. It blew up in our face because she ended up awake most of the night. Sometimes it's easier to work with what you've got than jump through lots of hoops to try to fix it only to find that one disturbed night puts you back to square one.

School need to get over this homework issue and let him have his down-time at the end of the day. Most children with ASD seem to need this.

intothewest · 17/01/2011 22:12

Another vote in your favour,Triggles - I think saying you'll help him do it at weekends IF he wants to is totally acceptable

kat2504 · 18/01/2011 00:12

They spend 6 hours a day at school. That is enough for any child that age regardless of their learning needs. Am all for reading to kids at home and giving them opportunities to practise their reading and learning in "real life" but after 6 hours at school your average 5 year old has had enough formal learning for one day.
Homework aged 4 or 5 is enough to put them off school and learning for life.
I am also a teacher.

DayShiftDoris · 18/01/2011 00:16

Oh for goodness sake!

My son has dx (yet probably) and is in yr2

She have NEVER consistantly managed to do homework in the week..

EVER

At the old school it was reading and spellings - the spelling HAD to be done in week because the test was Friday.

He could not engage to the task in the evening AT ALL.

Now and again he would be consistant for a week or 2 just to flat out refuse to even look at it.

I got a lot of too.

This school sent the homework on a weekend and it's always done

The reading however... forget it... reading is trinky as it is so there is NO WAY he will entertain it, even at the weekend. So we read signs, adverts, computer screens, his own books are picked up and read, words on the fridge.

There are more than one way to skin a cat mate.

Oh he is attaining an average level at KS1... but he quite clever to be fair.

i think the key is to be upfront with the school but also put in place an alternative (and more suitable) way to replace the learning opportunity.

DayShiftDoris · 18/01/2011 00:17

So sorry it's late and my reading and spelling ability appears to have disappeared LOL

goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 06:23

Ds is Y1 and only hw he has is reading but we do in the morning no chance at night.He is picked up for school at 7.30 not home till 4.30 is long enough day

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