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SN children

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Original poster

AIBU to tell teacher that homework (yr R) will be done "as tolerated" ?

46 replies

Triggles · 17/01/2011 18:19

I'm posting this here, for obvious reasons.

Today, the teacher reminded me that DS2 has a handwriting book that they want him to sit down a couple evenings a week and practice his handwriting. I had to tell her that if she wanted to send the book home over the weekend, then I'd be happy to encourage him to do it as well as it was tolerated. But I told her politely but in no uncertain terms that it would not be done in evenings during the week.

DS2 gets home at 3:30 in the afternoon from school, after waking up around 5 and having a long day. He gets home stressed, tired, overstimulated, and badly in need of a wind down and relaxation and family time. I see no point in upping that stress in sitting down and doing homework. We do the reading books in the morning before school, as he is not as tired and tends to tolerate them better then. But when he gets home at 3:30, has his tea at 4:30, and then starts getting ready for bed at 5:30 (bath, stories, quiet playtime), I am loathe to introduce more school things into what little time he has to relax in the evening, as he is generally in bed by 6pm.

I got a bit of a face over this. And a "well, I suppose if you absolutely can't do it during the week, he could do some on the weekend..." Well, yes I guess he could. He has dyspraxia, ASD, ADHD, and sensory processing disorder, as well as speech and language delays. Doesn't he have enough to contend with during the week, without infringing on his own time? I simply repeated that we would not be working on it during the week, but would do some over the weekend as tolerated if they are willing to send it home with him over the weekend.

I HATE homework when they're this young....

OP posts:

cornslik · 18/01/2011 09:40

God we had this. God forbid a child should get away with doing their homework. Caused all sorts of problems for us.

cornslik · 18/01/2011 09:41

get away without doing their homework that should be

rebl · 18/01/2011 09:52

They don't have to do homework in YR anyway. Just don't do it. I would bet my bottom dollar that if you posted this in primary education and left out that your ds has SN they'd still tell you the same thing. All reception children are tired at the end of the day. Some will willingly do some reading or something but most probably won't.

Littlefish · 18/01/2011 09:58

I completely disagree with homework for children in Primary school (apart from in Yr 6 I suppose).

I have a massive problem with children in Reception being given homework (apart from reading).

I am a Reception teacher and mother of a Yr 1 child and had a big disagreement with dd's teacher last year when she tried to tell me that "the government says that all children have to do homework". Errrr No. They don't.

Having said that, when I posted on here that I considered homework to be optional, I had many mumsnetters telling me that I was setting a bad example for my child by not supporting the school.

I can sort of see what they were saying, so would suggest that you go back and talk to the school again so that you are in agreement that the homework will be done as an optional extra, as and when your ds is up to it.

Littlefish · 18/01/2011 09:59

Or, that your ds will never do the homework!

BarbarianMum · 18/01/2011 10:09

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. But if you do think it is important (at any point) for him to do this or other homework, then what about 10 min in the morning before school? We do this w. ds1 and it works really well.

SparkleRainbow · 18/01/2011 10:10

Homework for any Reception child is completely unacceptable. It is not a matter of parents not supporting the child and school if it is not done, it is a matter of school not supporting their youngest and most vulnerable children by setting it in the first place! ....and I am a primary teacher too. Tell them they can file their homework somewhere suitable, but not in your child's school bag!

Original poster

Triggles · 18/01/2011 12:21

Thanks for all the input. Just a few points...

We do support the school in pretty much everything - they are very good. But this writing homework is, IMO, overdoing it. So while I feel it is important to support the school and his teachers (there are 2, they jobshare), I do not feel that I am required to be a doormat and rubberstamp everything they say either. I support the things they do that are in DS2's best interest and that he can cope with, and try to discuss with them and alter the other things as best we can.

I agree that reading practice is very important. We have always been big readers in our house, and DS2 is no exception to this. He loves to read, he's just too tired in the evening. He could probably read through his reading books in the evening, but he would struggle and his comprehension would be affected. We much prefer to simply read stories to him at night, and then focus more fully on his school reading book in the morning when he is more alert, able to focus and comprehend better, and ready to learn. I think he does better that way and gets more out of it. Because we do his reading before school, I'm not going to add writing homework to his morning routine. Again, then it gets to be too much. Plus his motor difficulties means that it starts his day out with something frustrating for him, which is not a good way to start off the day. With his reading, he does quite well and enjoys it, which is a positive way for him to start each day.

I'd like to think as he gets older, his sleep schedule will alter enough to allow some time in the evening to do the homework that will eventually need to be done in the evening. That being said, our DD was always an "early to bed, early to rise" child as well, and actually used to set her alarm clock quite early (5am when she was a teenager) and get up and do her homework in the morning, as that was the time she wanted to do it each day. So I guess whatever works, right?

OP posts:

Al1son · 18/01/2011 13:58

Absolutely right!

You know your child best so should feel confident to tell the school when they're asking you to do something inappropriate.

I have a friend whose son is in year 3 and he does his homework in the mornings as he has always been an early riser.

Children are individuals so we need to meet their needs individually.

I hope your DS's school soon start to see this.

Ineedalife · 18/01/2011 15:42

Dd3 does all her reading in the morning, she is not a mega early riser[usually around 6]. She is like your Ds and needs down time after school.

She is in Y£ and supposed to do homework twice a week, I never force her and she now usually does at least some of it.

We hate homework in this house

Ineedalife · 18/01/2011 15:44

Err that should have been Y3

SparkleRainbow · 19/01/2011 11:52

You are absolutely right Triggles. In my professional opinion, and as a mum of 3 dc, one with PD, they are asking too much of Reception aged children whether they have SN or not. You know what your dc is capable of and when. I hope the school start being supportive soon of the individuals they are caring for and teaching.

mariamagdalena · 19/01/2011 18:45

Am ignoring writing practice request from dd's reception teacher already (and she's NT as far as I can see!). The writing homework will be, 'mum, 19 Jan, 5 min' in the reading record when and if I feel she's ready.

nameymacnamechanger · 19/01/2011 18:53

My DS is the same after school, he needs to zone out and wind down - he is in Y1 now and we do his reading book in a morning, homework is done whenever I can grasp an opportune moment. When he first started getting homework he vetoed it saying it was SCHOOL work and as he was at home he wouldn't be doing it [snurk] and me and his TA had to have a word with him.

IMO YANBU.

SummerRain · 19/01/2011 18:53

Over here they get homework from October in the first year of school onwards... ds1 had a maths page, a skills book page and a page of his reader today.

dd is the year abouve and had two pages of skills book, a page of maths, a whole reader, spellings and a sheet of words to learn.... she'll be six next week

I understand your frustration as ds1 is (probably) dyspraxic (not diagnosed yet) and some days it can be a nightmare as he's just to tired and over stimulated.

Can I just ask though... is there a reason you have to get up at 5 (work?)... because if not it might make things easier in general if he went to bed a little later and got up a bit later. That would give you more time to spend together in the evening and might help him not be so exhausted after school.

3.30 is very late for reception to finish school though At our school it's 2pm for the first two year and 3pm after that and we're unusually late compared to most schools as they don't start her til 9.20

SparkleRainbow · 19/01/2011 20:56

Where are you summer rain because what you describe is very different to state education in the uk. Reception for 4 and 5 year olds full time 9.00 - 3.30 is the norm for most schools here. Interesting to here you describe such a different system.

SummerRain · 20/01/2011 12:40

I'm in Ireland, they have shorter days here but are expected to do more work at home from a younger age.

That said, there doesn't seem to be as much pressure on 4/5 year olds to learn to read and write over here... the kids in dd's class (equivalant to year 1) vary from proficient readers to those struggling to sound out a one sylable word and it's all classed as within the realms of normal. From what I've read on here there seems to be a lot more expected of UK students

SummerRain · 20/01/2011 12:41

I'm in Ireland, they have shorter days here but are expected to do more work at home from a younger age.

That said, there doesn't seem to be as much pressure on 4/5 year olds to learn to read and write over here... the kids in dd's class (equivalent to year 1) vary from proficient readers to those struggling to sound out a one syllable word and it's all classed as within the realms of normal. From what I've read on here there seems to be a lot more expected of UK students

the spell checked version

SparkleRainbow · 21/01/2011 12:31

That is really interesting, I didn't know that Ireland used a different model, and I like the sound of yours better!

Oh to be able to spell check my posts!

SummerRain · 21/01/2011 23:10

If you install the google toolbar it has a spell check button on it. Alternatively if you use Google Chrome as your browser it automatically highlights spelling mistakes just like MS Word does.

Now I just need to remember to use them

The Irish system is quite good, there also seems to be a bit more help for kids with difficulties without needing statements and assessments to pave the way. dd has several group sessions a week with the resource teacher to help with her reading skills and has come on in leaps and bounds since they started.

Costs more though, we don't get free books and most schools have several small fees for photocopying/extra books/building works/etc. I had to pay 50 euros this year for my two, plus 22 euros and 5 euros repectively for dd and ds1 books that the school suppplied on top of about 100 euros to buy their school books. Add that to uniform costs and the prices of packed lunches and it mounts up!

DayShiftDoris · 22/01/2011 11:48

Last an addition...

The ed psych has just told the school to STOP all homework for my son. I negotiated to keep the weekend homework but we are rid of the dreaded reading book!

I have to admit that she lifted a HUGE weight of expectation and guilt off my shoulders!

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