aibu to think this dad is a bit of an arse

[nightmarebeforechristmas]

background
his dc is 18
he is not her carer as she has 324 hr care(he is good at getting stuff) she can talk but not walk or do her own stuff iynwim
he thins inclusion at all costs.
so according to him
people shouldn't have respite...
they should all have carers coming into thier houses!!
now he said this to ds, so I have told ds to tell him next time that that is exclusion.

so is he an arse?

24 hour care

I guess it depends on how often his dc gets out and about. Does dc go to a day service? The pub for a drink? Visit friends?

One person I work with is happiest in his own company, not even a film or tv on. So long as that is his choice, and he has other options that isn't a problem - but if this dc has no choice in the matter because of the dad's attitude then he is BU iyswim

yep
she leads a pretty much "normal " life .
although she is physically disabled she goes to college ft, her bf lives with her.
so all pretty normal iynwim.
yet he lectures people about respite and inclusion.
yet that kid of care would mean exclusion for most people.
he knows this, yet refuses to accept it.

He is beng a bit U because every person has different needs. Lucky for the girl that she has the care though; being a bit of an arse obviously works!!

he makes me mad, as he is one of the people running the local support network for parents!!
tbh I think it is the fact he said that to ds, he has met dd, he also knows another mn etter who has a son with LD'S yet he still thinks it is ok to say stuff like that.
yep I have told ds what to say next time.

Riv I know what you maen, sorry I obviously havn't worded the op very well,
this man knows dd he has met her.
he has talked to me, he knows why she goes to respite(she hangs with her mates there)
he is an arse fo not keeping his ideas to himself.
he did the same about ms v sn.
yet he knows we want dd in an sn school.

I think I have my moaning hat on lol
ds told me how her chair was broken so she can't go out..
so I asked what her dad was doing, as usual nothing!
so ignore me..........

Riven, I know what you mean about residential care, but that's the environment I work in. We all work very hard to ensure that our residents have a lovely friendly place to live, that they can get out and about as much as they like to do things the things they want to do. Not all staff or homes are like this but there are some good people out there doing it for the love.

I pushed an 18stone man in a wheelchair half a mile in 6 inches of snow, because he wanted a can of coke. I have also taken him to the pub I drink in, because I know that the wheelchair access is good and that they will be friendly to him.

Some days he just wants to be left alone with his thoughts. I also work very hard to make sure that is what he wants (limited communication skills) and that he has lots of other options to turn down.

Otoh, there is only him at the moment, so I have spent the last week sitting around drinking coffee and making sets for the group's play which involves residents from the 3 other houses (my dude opted out)

purplepidjbauble that is lovely.
dd loves her respite place, she gets freedom to do stuff there, we just don't have the room.
they do lots of activities, but she doesn't have to join in, like all teens sometimes she can't be bothered.

Oh, nightmarebeforechristmas I FEEL YOUR PAIN on this one!

Sounds just like someone I know who works tirelessly to try and close not only the respite services that my DS uses without which we would sink as a family, but also the local SN 16 - 19 college.

The person I know is a devious twat and will never say all this to your face, but through other channels, just like the person you know has done through your son. He also has a child without any behaviour issues at all and has a lot of freedom as a parent.

If I hear that this person has ANY influence on local respite provision I will break his legs.

I have recently taken part in a research project on short breaks. I explained that Direct Payments are not in any way adequate as a sole source of respite for us because:

a) DS does not sleep so even if SS provided night care - which they do not - we would all still hear it and wake up anyway
b)DS becomes stressed with lots of people in the house
c)DS attacks DP workers and does not attack workers at his respite home
d) we need to get away from his challenging behaviour COMPLETELY.

I read recently that the inclusion 'movement' (or should I say cult) have also been busy trying to shut down overnight respite provision in Lambeth. The day SS listen to this bunch of heartless, ignorant maniacs will the the day I give up.

I am FUMING on your behalf

Riv
that bloke sounds like the girl in my op, she has a good life, but she is still so young, she still needs her dad, yet he is so hell bent on inclusion as he thinks of it, he just seems to leave her to it, and she is often scared.

DD you know him

DD so he doesn't work for a local support group?
ds was't 100 % sure.

Riven, what's your friend's communication system? Some of the people I know have trouble, and signing isn't appropriate because of lack of motor control...

can he get help from a charity?
VOCA's arn't funded here for children either

I am not sure what sort of influence he has now. I really think he is dangerous to parents like us and I keep a very wide berth. Hopefully, most people ignore his bullshit but I may just have a word with the children's disability team manager at some point.

OOh we have someone like that locally Nightmare

he has an amzing care package totalling £120k per annum for his child who has ASD. good on him etc

So he uses that to fight for otehrs and charges £££££££££££ for what apparently is a shite service- only case I know of where he got anything was a place for a verbal physically disabled child in a unit where everyone else was ASD non verbal. Quite.

He also has a dx of ASD and rumour has it he manipulated that to get clients and if anyone complains just says 'I Oh I am autistic don;t pick on me' and also feels free to swear at peple all teh time then blame it on his SN. I know this becuase of the people who knew him through assessment, the opinions of teh Med Prof who feels he railrtoaded her into a DX and dropped the act as soon as one was given, and the people who work with him. I've never met him though, although I ahd to help pull a family who owed him hundreds for zero result and were being sworn at regualrly out of the mire.

Clearly I also know plenty opf other stuff but woudln;t post on here as too identifying.

he pisses me off immensely though.

He will argue back to your DS so perhaps next time he slips in something derogatory about the respite care you have chosen, get DS to say, 'I told my mum about what you said and she wants to speak to you about it'. That will shut him up
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

donkeyderby do you think I should have a friendly chat with dd's SW.
I would hate to think this man is in anyway involved in what happens.
he makes me fume, and DH can't wait to meet him.......yikes

donkeyderby I'll get him to say dh lol