My poor baby - I know why she was the way she was

[Lougle]

So last night I posted about my DD and her WIRED behaviour.

Today I went to see the Christmas play.

Very lovely, very thoughtful. 12 days of Christmas. 13 classes, so one class introduced the play and took it in turns to introduce the other classes.

DD1 was in the class that did the 9th day of Christmas. All dressed as Angels.

To minimise sitting around (presumably) the play was organised such that each 'day' was done individually, and the children from each class came in, did their 'day' and then went back to their class. Then all classes came back for the final song and an address by the Head.

On the 9th day of Christmas, DD's class came in. She looked bewildered as they trotted around in a circle, wobbly. She didn't sing, she just looked overwhelmed.

When everyone clapped her hands shot up to cover her ears, and she looked terrified.

She was frantically looking around for us (I think) and when she saw us she just burst into tears. We could hear her crying as she walked back down the corridor It was heartbreaking, but we knew the play wasn't over for her yet.

When she came in at the end, she stood up and looked at us. We gave her big waves, huge 'thumbs up' and signed 'smile' and 'high five'. She looked relieved.

Again though, she found the clapping so hard, hands shot up to her ears, and terrified.

The Head teacher asked all parents to wait for the children to go back to their classrooms for safety, before leaving the hall.

DD1's TA mouthed to us 'are you coming to class?' and we nodded. As soon as the HT said 'you are free to go to the classroooms...' we bolted for DD1's class.

She was HYSTERICAL I don't actually think I have ever seen her quite that bad. She had been crying for around 15 minutes already.

She cowered in my arms, crying her heart out. The TA said that she seemed overwhelmed, and when I told her about last night, she said 'she rehearsed yesterday, so maybe that's why'. The TA was very relieved that I was taking her home and not sending her on transport.

Poor DD continued to cry all the way home. All the way home she was saying 'I not a good angel, I didn't sing properly'. 'everyone laugh at me' 'x & y (classmates) laugh at me. They always laugh. I don't like x, he horrid'. I told her that it was OK to dislike someone, but she must still be kind to them.

I took her to my Mum & Dad's house (DD2 & DD3 were there already because it was only 2 tickets for the performance) because I just knew that I couldn't repeat last night.

DD continued to cry constantly until 4pm

Then she just flipped, like a 2-way switch being flicked, and became just like last night. Manic laughter, kicking, biting, climbing, 'I am big hippo' as she tried to bite with a wide open mouth. Nothing anyone could do. I asked mum to pin her legs down as I took her Piedro boots off, because she back-heeled my Dad (whom she adores) at the weekend.

She was wild. Mum & Dad have a long empty fish tank in their lounge, with a huge wooden lid. She pulled it off, and I only just managed to throw my weight at it to resite it. If I hadn't it would have caused real injury to her. She did that 3 further times.

I tried sitting her on my lap, facing away from me for 5 minutes. She said she really wanted to say 'sorry', so did. But as soon as I let her go, she went wild again.

She stayed the same until she had her melatonin.

She has two more performances to do yet

Hope the smaller class is helpful. However I too would be wary of putting her through the paly again. She must have felt so confused, stressed and scared :( If she really wants to do it could she sing from the side of the stage so she doesn't have to feel so exposed and leave before the applause ?

Not read all of threadd but does dd know people laugh when they are pleased and delighted? Ds used to be upset by laughing until he understood that grown ups in an audience laugh and clap when pleased!

I'm really sorry to hear your little one had such a hard at the play and afterwards.

Some good advice already suggested but was wondering if in the long term you had considered a therapy called therapeutic listening? It's a great therapy and I've had a lot of success with it. More OT's are training in it and it's pretty big in the US. It's worth looking at the webiste: www.vitallinks.net/. Although it's mainly aimed at the american population there is a page to locate UK based therapists.

Hope this helps

The Head has phoned to say DD was 'a delight' and was 'full of smiles' no stress, no worries, no tears

She seems happy at home, too. So no idea what is going on

thats excellent lougle xxxx

Lougle I've only read your post I'm afraid and I'm so . Speak to the teacher. My DD(nt) is not coping at all well with the whole Christmas at school and the plays. Her migraines have got out of control. My dh went to speak to the teacher about it yesterday and she suggested dd only does the afternoon performances and not the evening ones as these are too late for dd. They were very accomodating but they also knew dd wouldn't cope.

"The Head has phoned to say DD was 'a delight' and was 'full of smiles' no stress, no worries, no tears"

glad to hear it

Lovely news. Maybe she got the stress out of her system....

My DS didn't make the play today but he loves singing and dancing (knew everybody else's parts before they did!) and I can take heart that he's enjoyed the rehearsals when he hasn't been too anxious to join in.

Hope the rest of the performances go well.

DS wasn't quite as extreme as this but would perform when I wasn't there but clammed up and refused to do anything when I was there a breakthrough came when he went to high-school and he auditioned for the wizard of oz and got the part of head munchkin but as soon as he saw me he was pulling his hat to pieces, I was going to sit at back but was allocated seat in front.
The other performance he did fine.

excellent news Lougle- maybe all your DD needs is a practise run through to show her what will be happening.
Head sounds great

Thanks everyone

No need to apologise Star. You were right.

I find it hard to articulate DD's issues meaningfully sometimes, because she is so contradictory, variable and chaotic that it is so hard to work out what lies at the root.

It could be as simple as 'I didn't sing, and good angels sing'.

Her Head Teacher did say that they do very minimal rehearsal because it is so hard for lots of the children, and you can't simulate 100 spectators, so for DD1 that was probably the very first time she had walked into a big hall, darkened with odd lighting, 100 people watching, music playing, people singing....and the tune was 'Jingle bells' and the words were different so 'Angel wings, Angel wings, flying through the air.....' - That alone was enough to spook her, I expect.

The good thing are:

-the class staff are saying they will write more detailed information in her Home School book,
-the Head seemed to really 'know' DD already, and was spot on in her observations,
-her class size is reducing,
-I now know that I can go to them with any concerns, and that they will do something about it, and they will take it seriously.
-We are being referred to their SHIP which means we'll get some help with her behaviours at home
-DD will be flagged for ELSA (Emotional Literacy Support) when she is slightly older, because the Head picked up that part of the issue is that DD interpreted laughter as something mean and unkind.

Yes, they are fab, Justabout.

The SHIP is 'School Home Integration Partnership' so one of the TAs will come to our home, talk through what are causing us the most issues, and they will help us with strategies, and also tell us what they do at school with those issues, so that we can be consistent.

Apparently (they did a talk on SHIP last week) they will come shopping, go to the hairdressers, to the cinema, whatever the problem area is. And they will phase visits out as appropriate, still visiting for over a year if necessary.

For us it is the hyperactive climbing, taking things from high shelves (we only have 1 - our house is like a prison cell - we have no nice things), and more recently biting.

I physically can't leave the lounge to load the dishwasher, because as soon as I do she starts.

Star, the Head said to me today: "we are all still learning, and we need to learn about DD. We might make mistakes but we will learn from them" I could have kissed her What more could you ask for?

:)

Pull her out. She has hypersensitive hearing and it's not going to go away.

That's really good the head is trying to be supportive and understand your DD.
It must make a difference to know that the school is at least trying.

Army issue ear guards (that I bought off a car boot) really helped Ds1 - i don't know if yours will tolerate them, but they cut out a hell of a lot of background rattle.

not too dear