Aspergers Syndrome and Call of Duty

[CDMforever]

Never in a million trillion billion years would I have thought that I would allow my 13yo DS to play 18 rated xbox games.
However because he has AS and finds it very hard to fit in at school I have bought him the war type games such as COD.
He plays on xbox live and has made friends online who go to his school rather than meeting them in person (he would obviously find this much harder). So from that perspective the games have been instrumental in helping him socially.
But deep down I know these games are extremely violent.
I also know he won't become a psychopath because of them as he's at heart a very sensitive boy who loves nature, walking etc.
Having just read a discussion about Black Ops and how strongly most MNs feel about this I'm starting to question my judgement though I know if I stop him playing these games his social standing will alter for the worst.
Have I done the right thing?

I have done exactly the same thing for the same reasons as you, my boy is also sensitive too. I also wonder if I have done the right thing. It is difficult to know if we are right or wrong.

Thank you chacha, its so good to know there's someone else in the same boat as me!
I don't suppose we'll ever know if we've done the right thing, unless they DO turn into serial killers!! But there is so much judgement out there and I know if my DS didn't have AS he definitely wouldn't be playing COD.
I certainly wouldn't allow him to watch an 18 rated film, which is what some of the discussion was covering re COD and Black Ops. Am I being hypocritical? Its a good question.

Try having a go yourself, under your son's guidance. Then you'll get more of an idea of what it's all about. I screamed with enjoyment, it was wonderful and I was so bad at it too! Kept on twirling around and looking at the sky or the floor. It's a lot harder than you think.

Have done the same with DS he's been playing these sort of games since about 13, he's now 16 and plays online games he drives me mad though as I thought he was talking to himself but he's not he's talking to other gamers but his speech is monotone and it gets wearing to hear him shouting all the time.
Last week has been an absolute nightmare were going out today whether he likes it or not, school will hopefully reopen tomorrow.

OP, are you me?
I have done exactly the same thing with my son also 13.
Like you, never, never, never in a million years would I have thought I would let him play an 18 game (in my defence it is the only one he has despite repetitive asking for others that I think are even more distasteful such as Grand Theft Auto).
I posted on that other thread about how judgemental some parents are.
Dare I say, my friend does not allow the games in her house (her sons do not have a console) but she is more than happy for her boys to play the game at my house - just so long as she can hold the moral highground of 'not in my house'.
I constantly speak with my son to make sure he knows that the behaviour he sees on CoD is not like real life and is not acceptable. In some ways, the beauty of his AS is that he can separate it. In fact, he said to me last night (in response to my 'do you think you are killing real people) that 'no, I am shooting at pixels' lol

^^just wanted to put my (tight) judgy knickers on...
Ignore some of the posters - obviously they, like we used to, are saying that never in a million years would they let thier children blah, blah, blah...
Neither would we in a different life - we are doing the best we can for our children and shouldn't be made to feel like we should flagelate (?sp) ourselves daily.
Unlike your son, mine can be quite aggresive BUT he was much more aggressive BEFORE he started playing CoD. Not sure if it is a realease for him or the fact that he now speaks to his 'friends' from school and fits in quite a bit better. Who knows. Funny though, my son says he understands why I don't like it but he enjoys it.

Thanks all. Feel v supported.
Borderslass - we too have to put up with the monotone voice!And we've had the advent of swearing too. But only in the "xbox room", he would never dream of swearing infront of us. Not sure if the monotone voice is the AS or the pre-teen thing (this confusion is becoming more and more regular! AS or Being A Moody Pre Teen??!)
LaydeeC, maybe I AM you! I too draw the line at Grand Theft Auto and the like.LOVE the comment about pixels. My boy is off school today with a cold. In bed at the mo but expect he'll soon surface hoping to go into cyberspace!!

Mine goes to a boarding school for AS boys. So whilst it seems like he spends a lot of time on xbox and cod, he only really gets to do it on alternat weekends and school hols. We do try to limit his access but he has no other interest (v obsessive about what it is he does like doing at any given time). He used to love club penguin which I really liked as, again, gave him a social cyber passport to speak to other children in a very controlled way. Ah the joys of AS parenting and being judged. Still trying to develop my thick skin.

that would be alternate

My son is 10. He's autistic (Aspie) and lives in Pac-man world. If I thought it would help him to forge a friendship with other like minded kids, I'd say go for it.

He's so terribly isolated and cannot "do" friends. He's bright and chatty and kind and great fun but..... socially, no, he just CAN'T do it!

You do what's best for your son. If he's happy doing this and it gives him a social outlet, even in a limited way, let him play. You're sensible...... you'll keep a lookout for anything untoward, I'm sure.

LaydeeC, my son's obsessive interest used to be birdwatching. How times change!
Theres a documentary on tonight on bbc1 about youngster becoming addicted to xbox games etc. Oh dear, dare we watch it?!

My 14 yr old Aspie has been playing these games for err... a long time . Am not keen.

But he plays them with DH (44 going on 14) and they do discuss the moral aspects of the game at great length. They think He thinks I'm a big great wuss.

He's taking Religious studies with Philosphy, and Civilisation and Ethics for GSCE. Has to write huge screeds every seek about Euthanasia, Abortion, War, etc etc, and makes a darned good fist of debating the issues. Is v.v. righteous about people's behaviour in general. Right little Grauniad reader. Wants to study 3rd World Development at Uni.

He came home from school in tears last week after seeing some fellow pupils chucking stones at a cat on the say home , so I guess he hasn't been totally corrupted yet.

I see it as a harmless release of tension after a nightmareish day at school. As does he.

Sorry, seem to be hitting ss instead of wws.
I blame the wine.

unless your child any child is completly without consience or growing up in a tottally depraved houhold with no morals violent games are incredibly unlikly to make violent people
long as they understand that shotgunning someones face is not acceptable behavior outside of a game thats fine

One thing I've learnt from having a kid with ASD is.

'Normal' rules do not apply. Suspend judgement always. If it helps then helps. And should therefore be embraced.

I have done exactly the same with my 13yr old DS with AS for exactly the same reasons.

Studies have shown that violent video games increase heart rate etc

Studies have also shown that people with ASD are physiologically differently to other people (I've met at least one lad with AS who got hyped up by anaesthetic!)

If it helps your DC, it's a good thing.

This is quite a revelation. Feel a bit overcome!
I must must must remember your mantra Spinkle, "normal rules do not apply". You are so right.
Mrs Flittersnoop, your son sounds amazing! Obviously highly intelligent AND sensitive.

"I feel better after reading this thread as sometimes I feel like a bad parent"
My thoughts exactly Mumslife. I'll go to bed tonight with a lot less guilt.

Thanks CDM! He is a sweetie. No common sense tho'

We do find that online gaming has helped his "social" skills. After being kicked off multiplayer X-Box games a few times for being bloody rude impatient, he has learned to keep the irritation out of his his voice, and accept the fact that people aren't always as quick as he is. He even helps and advises some times.

RE-SUUULT!!!

MrsFlittersnoop, my DS has no common sense either! I do constantly worry about the future and him coping.... I suppose thats a bit pointless tho, I'll worry about when and if I need to.