Aspergers Syndrome and Call of Duty

[CDMforever]

Never in a million trillion billion years would I have thought that I would allow my 13yo DS to play 18 rated xbox games.
However because he has AS and finds it very hard to fit in at school I have bought him the war type games such as COD.
He plays on xbox live and has made friends online who go to his school rather than meeting them in person (he would obviously find this much harder). So from that perspective the games have been instrumental in helping him socially.
But deep down I know these games are extremely violent.
I also know he won't become a psychopath because of them as he's at heart a very sensitive boy who loves nature, walking etc.
Having just read a discussion about Black Ops and how strongly most MNs feel about this I'm starting to question my judgement though I know if I stop him playing these games his social standing will alter for the worst.
Have I done the right thing?

^^ know exactly this feeling mumslife.
My son has AS and very difficult behaviour (although we have learnt how to manage better over the years) but obviously, it must be our fault as his parents.
I could fund a number of christmases if I had a coin for every time I have pointed out that my nt dtr is the most fantastic child that ever walked the planet.
The last feeling I have is that it is my fault that my son is like he is or behaves like he does.
I read something a while ago about ASD behaviour 'those that mind don't matter, those that matter don't mind'
It has held me in good stead over the years and something I repeat to myself often when determining who my 'friends' are.

^^ oops, not that my son isn't fantastic as well - my point is that my dtr is not ASD and is epitome of the perceived 'perfect' child (long may it last as she enteres adolescence .

Yeah...good luck there with the perfect adolescent LadyeeC!

hee hee! my she is becoming moody - can also be quite beligerant towards her brother. Very difficult to know, from his perspective, what is autism and what is general teenage brother annoyance - and she is not prepared to listen to the general teenage brother stuff as her only experience is autism.
sheesh, it's too hard!

mumslife
my son is 13 and dtr 11. My mum told me once that if I gave my son to her for a couple of weeks, she would sort him out. That was a long time ago now though and her views are somewhat less severe now. I think the word autism struck a chord with her somehow as she obviously knows of it (but doesn't know about it iyswim) so knows his behaviour is 'legitmate' and not my 'spoiling' him as it used to be.
I don't post often (generally lurk) but it is so useful to know that there are others with similar difficulties

Ditto Mumslife - my 8 year old plays 12 certificates, but i'm drawing the line at 18s for the moment. He needs the challenge of harder games. I must admit that i wussed it and told him that father christmas would only bend the rules a little bit - which he seems to accept. He then asked whether FC would get him any shoot 'em up game at all or was that unlikely too. FC wouldn't get him an xbox 360 either - as that was out of his price range - and he has an x box anyway!

My DS's fingers just don't do lego - which rules that out - my DH is very sad. He thought he would get it for christmas by proxy. He does like books - although his best at the moment is a thesaurus. A friend got him for his birthday last month some 'puzzle master' books from the book people (i think - they had gone into his workplace). Very lad orientated - not a heavy read but you choose the path of the mission and win or lose the mission. So it's a bit like a game in that way.

mumslife, have you had a look at the horrible histories books? They're usually good to get boys reading if you think they'd be suitable.

Mumslife
I can't get my son to read either (his rationale is that he 'knows how to read so why does he have to keep doing it?' Quite logical really and he can't understand that he might enjoy it!
He did, however read the horrid henry books and I am now indebted to £5 for every 'orrible history or geography book he reads - has been a great motivator!!!

My DS loves all the gruesome, vulgar grotty books. Farticus Maximus was a great hit (came from one of the school's scholastic books catalogues). He quite likes the 'too ghoul for school' series too.
Terry Deary has written a few on historical themes too - My DS has loved the Egyptian ones - he is currently doing that at school and they are based on facts, although told as stories.
TBH it doesn't really matter what they read as long as they enjoy. Instruction manuals are often more interesting than they appear. Books on how things work in general - bodies, machines, the world.
He was very disappointed with the railway children though - not enough trains!

My son only ever read non-fiction till about a year ago when he discovered the Skulduggery books which he devoured very quickly. He's now working his way through the Harry Potter books. I am so so so glad he's finally got in to fiction and its really helped his writing at school.

On xbox live do you have to set your child up with an adult account so they can play 18 games online, or can they use a child account (but just lift the restrictions on cettain games?).

I really want to know as I would like to set him up as a child so that I can monitor and control his access easily but be able to let him play games for older than his age if I want to.

amumof2, look here you should be able to set a passcode to restict games and you can exempt up to 20 games that would normally not be played, iyswim.

mumslife, the game itself is pretty violent but the online play is just shooting, get your dh to check out the player vs player, it may be a possible compromise if they can play each other.

DS2 loves reading the Wikia pages all about Fall Out New Vegas:

fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Portal:Fallout:_New_Vegas

Have any of you been able to ignore the age guidelines for online play on a child account, and just impose your own?

Thanks bigcar. I checked out the link. Is this for local console play? In the online settings does not seem to be anything about lifting restrictions of what games they can play online.

amumof2, the link is for online play you need to set a passcode the way it describes, then when you put the game in you have to enter the code and should be able to set the exemption once you've done that.

So pleased I have found this thread ,my ds2 (13) also plays and one the one hand I hate it but on the other hand it gives him a passport into a social lfe ,something to have in common with others IYSWIM.Actually at the moment he is more keen on Assassins Creed and with encouragement at school (he weekly boards at a specialist school )has got into FIFA 2011,he also likes Halo.

Have to admit we don't have any rated over 16 (also have 9 year old in the house)but some of the violence still upsets me if I am honest,but then so does others judginess of others and ?I am also aware that it is one of the few things that he competes on eqaul terms with ds1 and ds3 with.

Absolutely love that line about those who mind etc.May print that and laminate it for me as seem to be finding things hard again at the moment.

We always knew the teenage years would be difficult but now they are here I sometimes feel paralysed with fear about the future and often wish we could go back to the blue eyed sandy heared cherub who could charm his way out of any situation with a smile .Is it so wrong to fear for him growing up?

School are fantastic though ,we have had a few teenage angry moments this term they are dealing brilliantly with it ,we are lucky that he is so safe there.

This weekend off to see my family where although they are great there is an obvious gulf with his cousins and where the dispproval from one or two about his boarding is almost tangible. One is the SEN governor at a wonderful local primary but a little knowledeg can be a dangerous thing IYSWIM