anyone seen this? Child with CP in nursing home.

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

here

Im not sure why but feel very sad that this little lad will spend life in a nursing home. I know I cant judge as Im not in the position.

She trying to get SS to pay for carehome and not FC as she thinks they are doing it because its cheaper (they might well see it that way)
But I think I would rather my child be able to form close relationships in a family setting than a care home with countless carers :(

Im sorry if I have upset anyone posting this. I havent commented on OP as I dont think I would be flamed

yep and hid it
I don't like stories like that I am afraid, reminds me too much of JH
(awaits flaming)

you wont get flamed, I however couldnt not post on the end and pointed out that parents arent trained when they bring their children home, and surely a home enviroment with someone he can bond with would be better than losts of faceless carers :(
sorry

sadly this happens a lot, a lot of kids are placed at dd's school and rarely if ever go home, sad in my eyes as being part of a family that loves them is so important,.

But what if they found a FC placement and it broke down, that could be very damaging to the little lad. Obviously the best solution would be as Riven suggests, but a lot of parents to severely disabled DC just don't seem to get anywhere near enough support.

I did wonder about posting this as didnt want to upset you 2shoes or Riven.
Does that mean he doesnt go to school?
what makes me quite angry is that they went on to have another child and then said they didnt have time to give him . Surely they would have considered that before having a 3rd child?

one of the reasons we don't get support is because people think that we chose to have a disabled child, because they see threads like that and wonder why we didn't all do that......
a child is for life not just for christmas

dd has respite at school, it is a residential school now(the residential kids are all teens not small kids)
she gets loads of love and cuddles(just had to say that as we are lucky and it is a good place) I looked at boarding school once, for secondry and felt like you did riv, no love there.

The thing is, they were getting no support from social services before he went into the home and the father works away. Effectively single parent with 3 kids, one needing 24 hour care, no respite or support. I don't know anyone on here or in RL in that situation and to comment on the woman's thread to the effect that she doesn't care about her child is cruel to the extreme. If she didn't care about her child, would she be fighting this decision or just let it happen?
I agree that I can't imagine putting my child into care but people on here threaten it frequently, so surely can empathise with her situation?
she needs support, not judging. We have not been in her shoes, not exactly.

agree Riven
she posted about it on mn, so we are allowed to discuss it.
I wonder if she would be getting sympathy if she had dumped an nt kid.
I think it is sad that people think a child of 8 is better of not being at home.

yes we all know SS suck at the level of support they offer, I certainly getm none for my 2 children with SN. But she posted on a open forum, and wanted support to keep her son in a care home, if I dont agree Im not going to post I am.
Its not like I have gone at her with a pitch fork and called her all names under the sun.

i have sympathy with people in that situation, but having red the website, I am sorry but think it is JH all over again.

JH comparisons a bit unfair IMO as JH was using her DD's story to make money.

I agree that we don't have to agree. I just think that people with adequate respite or partner support shouldn't be comparing their situations and pursing their lips saying 'well I cope' - and then going on her thread and making her feel shitter than she probably already does. Just my opinion and yes, she has invited opinions by being on a public forum, but it's not like she's on AIBU! It doesn't make her fair game for any type of comments people choose to give, IMO. We can still choose to have empathy.

Riven, look at how many times you've come on here saying you're going to ring SS to get dd put into care. And you get support from your dh and SS. Nobody judges you for feeling that way, and few would judge you if you did ever do that. You won't, but maybe that's because you can cope as you get adequate support. 2shoes, your dd gets adequate respite - again, maybe if you didn't and hadn't, you'd be feeling at the end of your tether.

There are times when my son has beaten the crap out of me, threatened me with a knife and destroyed the house. When he is a teenager, I'm going to be in serious danger. If I had to eventually take the very sad decision to put him in residential care, it would be an absolute last resort, and I can't see how any parent could feel differently. I hope that any response I got on here or in RL to that would be a lot more empathetic than telling me that a child is for life, not for Christmas.

My opinion is the same as Lisa's - maybe a foster family would be nicer - but I don't have enough experience with her situation to know for sure.

TC fair point

givemesleep
my dd is 15
when she was 8 we did not get adequate respite as you put it(so you can judge me and Rive but we can't say anything!!)
there is a lot of difference between caring for a teenager/adult and a small child,
mainly as they don't want to be withyou so much,

Not judging you, as I said. Just pointing out that this woman did not get any respite or help from SS. You and Riven have chosen to compare yourselves favourably to this woman, comparing your situations; I'm just pointing out that her situation was, at the time, worse.

you sure ?

The impression I get was that the entire process was driven by medical need rather than disability. The family feel their child needs 24/7 nursing care (rather than personal care) which I guess means someone awake on duty round the clock.

It's a tricky one and a bit of a grey area, I think. I know DH and I have had to sleep in with DD1 for a while (waking constantly through the night) and it was hard, very hard. If I had to make a choice between living like that constantly and putting her in a nursing home ... I think I'd still keep her at home. But if she was constantly in hospital anyway, and I suspected that proper nursing care might reduce her hospital visits in future - I don't know.

I can TOTALLY understand their viewpoint now, anyway. Any potential foster family would have to be tick so many boxes as to be superhuman.

But that's the point, isn't it? They know this residential home and feel strongly their child is safer there. DD1 is entirely and 100% safe at the hospice, but I didn't feel that way till I'd spent quite a lot of time there and there are probably hospices out there I wouldn't leave her at.

And sleeping in is itself a very variable thing tbh. The strain I found with sleeping in with DD1 wasn't so much the sleep deprivation as the knowledge that because of the sleep deprivation (and being pg and then having a newborn to care for) I wasn't always waking when I needed to. She has at least one area of brain damage sustained during that period. Could be hospital. Could have been us. Could have been me not waking just that once. I try not to think about it because it doesn't help. But if I was the sort that did think about it I might have taken the decision she'd be safer with someone else with her at night.

I can't help but feel that Katys story isn't Katy's story but her mum and dads words