Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

I know it's stupid but party invites rant....

33 replies

Spinkle · 03/11/2010 12:07

Bloody mother in the playground giving out invites for her horrid twins birthday party. She was passing them out to the other mums. All the other mums looked at me to see if I got passed one.

Of course, I didn't.

They can all breathe a sigh of relief as DS won't be there to spoil their kids fun.

Thing is those twins are naughty. My kid does weird stuff cos of his ASD but at least he isn't naughty

Bah, I'm being oversensitive, I know Sad

Ah well, bloody woman, she'll get hers Hmm

OP posts:
PenfoldsGlasses · 03/11/2010 12:25

Spinkle as my dear ol' granny says -
"What comes around goes around"!!

Just remember the naughty twins are going to be teenagers soon - sit back and enjoy...

DeadlyNightShadeofViolet · 03/11/2010 12:36

I know how you feel and how much it stings :(

I dont think you are being oversensitive, just being a Mum.

Original poster
Spinkle · 03/11/2010 12:48

Thanks sniff

God, it's like being back at school again myself!!

OP posts:
upahill · 03/11/2010 12:54

That's sad.

A lad in DS2 class was similar to your son and has recently moved schools. However he was always included to the parties and his mum and dad would come and look after him. The other kids just saw him as (name), one of their class mates.

I asked DS about him once to get his views and he just said (name) isn't really naughty he just does naughty things because he can't help it. It is the way his body works. But (another name) now he really is naughty because he knows what he is doing!

Have you invited DS's clasmates to your son's party. The lad I'm talking about was forever having parties for groups of the class- Halloween, Christmas, summer BBQ's and so on and eveyone (parents) just got used to him and his behaviour.

Original poster
Spinkle · 03/11/2010 13:01

Nah, my DS doesn't actually like parties of his own (too much pressure I think) so he'd rather have a day out with his cousins.

We got 2 invites last year but Daddy usually stays (he loves kids parties) and besides, I am too scared of the other mothers to go...

I should say at this point I am a primary school teacher and I'm more than happy talking to my class' parents. But I just feel really judged by the mothers in DS' playground.

I really need to 'man up' and 'grow some' I guess.

OP posts:
sumum · 03/11/2010 13:03

poor you and ds.

It's an ongoing thing with our little treasures.

I think upahill has a good point, if your ds is up to it and I know some kids with asd are not. I have done this for my ds, I invite as many as i and my ds can cope with all in the name of getting the parents onside. And it has worked to some degree and ds does get invited to some parties, although I still have to go with him. The last one was thirty 7 year olds to cinema party, my ds loves films so good as they all just sat, the half hour food bit was hard (ds said they were too noisey) but bareable and no meltdowns so was worth it.

sumum · 03/11/2010 13:05

Oh scrap that just seen your ds doesn't like parties. (i am slow at typing!!)

sugarcandymonster · 03/11/2010 14:25

In a way it's kind of good that your son doesn't like parties, at least he's not missing out on something that he'd have wanted.

DS never got invited to any parties at primary - I think there wasn't a big party culture anyway as parents around here can't afford to host them. But DS didn't seem to mind, I think it was me who got more upset about it.

imahappycamper · 03/11/2010 14:30

Doeasn't end I'm afraid. DS2 was talking to people at his Church youth group and they started talking about a party one of them was having. The person who was having the party turned round to DS2 and said "Oh you're not invited." He is 15 and I cried!

BialystockandBloom · 03/11/2010 14:51

Why are some people so downright bloody rude Angry

I don't blame you for being upset by it. What really gets me is that it's not always about whether our dc are even aware of what he's missing, it's just so incredibly insensitive and rude. I would be upset if someone did that if my child was nt, but when you know this form of exclusion must be purely because of sn, it's even worse.

I hope the twins and their friends trash her house

imahappycamper that is unbelievable. Sad

Original poster
Spinkle · 03/11/2010 14:59

imahappycamper that's awful.

Yeah - we feel it more for sure. One the twins has a hearing aid and a lazy eye, you know - his mother really ought to know better.

But hey. I shall be the bigger person and pretend I hadn't noticed. Grin

It's a pricey do at a soft play centre. Let's hope the pirate ship doesn't collapse and brain the little erm, dears.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 03/11/2010 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fightingthezombies · 03/11/2010 16:05

When ds was a bit younger a new child joined and we befriended him and his mum. Gave loads of advice as they were new to area,visited each others houses and I even babysat for her! A couple of months down the line he invited all the boys in the class to his birthday party and left out dsSadApparently the mum wonders why I'm a bit off with her now.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/11/2010 16:09

Seems to be universal, in a year of nursery DD hasn't been asked to one party, and one dad handed an invite to another parent when we were standing right there, in a tiny room, too.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/11/2010 16:10

It's the parents not the kids too, the children at nursery seem to love DD.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/11/2010 16:11

Also, Spinkle, I'm sure some of the mums would have thought pretty badly of the way that mum handled things, she just made herself look bad.

Original poster
Spinkle · 03/11/2010 16:26

Well quite.

The parents are much less accepting than their kids a lot of the time.

To be honest, Fanjo, I think the mummies there are pretty much like evil mummy. The only mum who speaks to me is an ASD mum. They shun her too Hmm

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/11/2010 16:28

I'm sorry to hear that Spinkle, people are horrible aren't they. Sad

MissNutty · 03/11/2010 16:43

I have to admit, after reading all your posts i'm just so sad and even though I have seen these sorts of situations before, i'm always shocked when I hear how common it is and how completely insensitive people can be.

We live in a time now where lots of stigmas are apparently being lifted, but i'm starting to wonder if we simply live in a time where we like to say we are more accepting of people who are different for what ever reason, but not actually follow through when it really counts. I still believe there is an awful lot of unhealthy and very damaging prejudice out there. It's so sad and actually very disappointing.

I'm so sorry to hear about all these nasty and excluding situations your children and you have had to suffer and i'm sorry that no doubt My DD has this all to come.

My DD is nearly 4 and has yet to make any "real" friends, so therefore she certainly hasn't had any invites to a party. I have seen them being passed around and keep my fingers crossed that she will come home with one but.........no joy. :(

daisy5678 · 03/11/2010 17:30

No, it's crap. It's also different, Riven, if you choose not to go/ can't get there, like in your situation; it's the not being invited anywhere that's the worst bit.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/11/2010 17:40

shame we are all so far apart or we could have a huge kids party!

tiredmummyneedswineandsleep · 03/11/2010 17:45

aw spinkle sorry to hear this-really feel for you. i'm anticipating this will happen to my ds aged 3 when he starts school next year. i work as a ta in a year 1 class and know this sort of thing goes on. Sad i'd rather have your ds ound any day then the 'naughty' twins x

tiredmummyneedswineandsleep · 03/11/2010 17:47

p.s upahill your ds sounds lovely- what a great way of putting it Smile

sleepysox · 03/11/2010 19:23

My older son has sensory processing disorder. He has 1 friend at school. Each year we invite about 15 kids to his parties, and this year so far he hasn't had any invites. It's so sad.

One mum even had a moan to me last half term, saying how she was sick of her son being invited to parties, as it was costing her a fortume. Apparently he'd been invited to one each weekend throughout September.

Luckily DS is oblivious that other kids are having parties and not inviting him.

purplepidjin · 03/11/2010 20:59

"Each year we invite about 15 kids to his parties, and this year so far he hasn't had any invites. It's so sad."

That's not sad, it's unforgivably rude! The parents whose kids came to your party should be ashamed of themselves not issuing a reciprocal invitation, even just for tea or something!