As far as we are concerned there is nothing wrong with your DD2!

[lisad123isgoingcrazy]

Had a word with preschool today about DD2 as gettinglittle feedback from them this half term. They told me she has her 5 hours 1-1 a week but frankly doesnt need it, they dont see any of her difficulties and as far as they can see there is nothing wrong with her. So me, the SNHV and SALT are all wrong. The thing is I know that come the CDAC appointment if they say this im buggered.
I stood and watched and yes she did go and join the others at the puzzle table but didnt talk to them or look at them, yes she spoke to a staff memeber but only to get her own needs met, and I have neverseen her playing with another child while there.

I want to call someone, do something. I now feel like I have make it all up, there is nothing wrong with her and I have labelled my child when no need.
God I feel like crying right now :(

she has SALT group today and its her own SALT so maybe she can help me out.
Has anyone else had this? Please :(

Yes. All the problems we've had over the years with accessing services has been because the people with the power to refer didn't have the knowledge or experience that should go with it.

'Tis the way of things. Keep at 'em.

DS1's first preschool were spectacularly useless so I moved him to another. They were really supportive but mistook him being passive as being good. e.g. he would dutifully sit on the mat for circle time but it was all going over his head. When the Ed Psych observed him she picked up on it immediately which kick-started the 1:1 funding and her report included recommendations of how to support him.

Has she been observed by SALT etc in the preschool setting? Worth asking if not.

Sorry you are having these additional problems Lisa

I went through the same with dd1 at her previous school and at times I was filled with self-doubt. But I'm a firm believer in trusting your paternal instincts -you know your dd better than anyone else, so you are best placed to see her difficulties.

How old is she?
A lot of dd1's real difficulties didn't 'show themselves'to other people until she was around 6 -until then, I kept getting fobbed off with 'it's not that unusual/it's a phase@ etc.

That's far from ideal, I know, because in the meantime the child is missing out on much-needed support.

The nursery staff aren't really qualified to make a dx anyway -it's not their place.

im hoping the special preschool will be our saving grace and they have different feedback, will ask them on Monday. I just am so :( I thought we wouldnt have to fight this time round, how wrong was I.
what if their right though? what if its not ASD and she is NT and im seeing things that arent there? oh god :(

Paternal instincts??!! Sorry, am having a bad day!

No she has SALT at clinic but one will be going into preschool before CDAC (I think).
Shes 3.

i mean surely even they see the lack of eye contact and the tiptoe walking and the flapping and the linning up everything.

If DD2 is being passive there, it is much less work for the preschool to let her float about than to try and engage her. Hopefully the SALT will pick up on it & the specialist preschool report will be an accurate reflection too.

Try not to doubt yourself.

SALT reports have beeen very good, lots about ragid play, lack of imagnation, self directed play, eye contact ectect

I bet there are tons of us that have the 'behaves differently in school to other situations (mainly home)' scenario. My DS is a saint at school, and apart from the obvious difficulties such as writing and disorganisation etc, he is a model pupil. He is wound so tight when he leaves school, there is chaos for the next 4 hours or so until i manage to get him to bed. The school don't see this side. If a child isn't causing problems for the teacher - disrupting other children, doing tasks that are set for them, which is limited for your DD at the moment in pre-school, they see no problem with the status quo.
Problems become more and more pronounced as their education continues. Peer group moves on socially and academically. You need to make sure that measures are in place to accommodate your DD. Let the school know that SALT, SNHV and you are all in agreement as to her ongoing needs. Acknowledge that they don't feel that currently her 'difficulties' are a disruption to her education, but that you have her ongoing education to address. You need to make sure that provision is in place for reception and key stage 1 where there will be a requirement to co-operate and communicate with other children and adults.
I hope someone else is around who has been there and through it to give you some practical advise, but we've probably all had some experience of others not seeing what we do. Empathy coming your way.

The other thing to remember is there has been a big move towards the DC making their own choices and free play in preschool settings. Which for a typically developing child is fine, but for a DC with a possible social communication disorder is not so great as they need support to develop social skills etc.

i know what you mean, i did tell them that when she started that they wont have any trouble with her if they let her do her own thing, which i guess is what they do.

Can you take a list of q's with you for the meeting to ask the preschool?

e.g. when they say she is fine, ask what happens when they try and change her game/how often she approaches and engages with the other children/what her reaction is to be directed to play something else/the range of activities she chooses/if she does them in a particular pattern etc etc. Think if they answer the q's truthfully it will be quite telling iyswim.

Oh lisa.. The amount of times that I have had school say they don't see any issues is just daft.
This statement is often followed by examples in there own words of ds2s issues.. But being used as examples of non issues iyswim...
If your dd is allowed to get in with what she wants play wise the school is probably just not recognising the issues that sit right in front of their faces tbh.

If you have SALT reports saying xyz .. And the school are saying different.. I would be going with the professional who knows what they are looking at.

lisad123 I had a whole raft of people telling me and each other that ds wasn't anywhere as needy as I was making out.

The trouble is, I never said he WAS needy. My argument was always that he WOULD BE without the right intervention, and that quite frankly his NOT NEEDY was a huge concern. I needed him NEEDY for the company and interaction of others and he had to practice that loads as it doesn't come naturally.

Don't ever doubt yourself. You might not know it all, but you know more than them without doubt.

Loads of people have told me that ds1 "never causes a problem"

Well, no. causing a problem would involve human interaction. He's damn well causing a problem for himself though!

You need to go in and outline the difference between 'disruptive' and 'needy'. Childcare settings often muddle their own needs with the child's needs. They 'need' the child not to be disruptive, the child isn't disruptive, ergo the child has no 'needs'.

Give them a continence analogy.

Are you more concerned about a four year old who shouts and screams and pushes people because she needs to get to the toilet, or are you more concerned about the four year old who gazes into space and calmly pisses her pants, and then sits in it without telling anyone?

Actually colditz that latter analogy fits my son!

lisa as you have probably guessed you are not alone... I just though I would add my bit! Dd3's school reckon they have never seen any of her problems. How they missed her vommiting because she hated the dining hall or sitting all morning with her fingers in her ears because someone was drill is beyond me.. It is not that they don't see it's that they don't know how to interpret what they see!!

I think this is very common - especially with girls on the spectrum It has been well documented that girls Do present differently to boys. They often "appear" more settled at school, ie their needs are less likely to be manifested as chaalenging/difficult behaviour, but this does NOT diminish their needs.
Unfortunately as things are in schools it is usually those children whose behaviour is challenging/difficult that will catch the teacher's attention, and the "quiet, well behaved" child sitting quietly in a corner can be overlooked.
I have some experience of this in my work , it is heartbreaking to see girls who have reached the age of 11/12 and have been "missed" because school don't think it is a problem, and by this time they have lots of problems with low mood, poor self esteem etc....
I have also experienced this first hand with my daughter.
She has Aspergers, but is not a "behavioural" problem in school , so for 2 years I have been arguing with them, and they have been fobbing me off.Now we finally have a report which clearly states her needs and difficulties, and the teachers were gobsmacked despite it saying more or less word for word what I'd been telling them for 2 years!! I am now applying for a statement for her and wish I'd done it months ago!
I would say have confidence in yourself. When it comes to your daughter, YOU are the expert.Accept that teachers dont have a clue a lot of the time, and be prepared to fight for your daughter.
Good luck

Ok thanks so much for this, feeling a little better now. I had a called from the specialist SALT who is assessing DD2 for her CDAC clinic, she is going into specialist preschool on Monday. Its quite nice as she did ask which setting I would like her to got to. Also saw her normal SALT and when i told her what school had said she looked shocked and did suggest they might need to look closer.
Just had a call from early years advisory service and the preschool have told them the same. The lady from early years advisory is going in on 8th to observe her.
what if im wrong?? :(

'what if im wrong??'

Wrong about what? If it is something else, then you're not wrong about 'something' being an issue are you.

And if you ARE wrong then blimey, you can jump for joy and we'll all jump with you.

Its very common for teachers, pre school staff etc not to see a problem if a child isn't giving them a problem IYKWIM.

So if your child isn't disruptive, follows instructions and isn't a saftey risk to themselves or others they can very easily be overlooked.

Go with your instincts and let the experts give their opinion.

feeling loads better. The specialist SALT who assesses the ASD kids for CDAC went and saw DD2 yesterday at her specialist placement. She called today to give me feedback.
She said she saw loads of traits including tiptoe walking, handflapping, limited social interaction with kids, rigid play, lack of reconiztion of adults she has seen earlier in day, hand claping, echolalia, jagon, S&L delay, and self centerness (not the word she used). phew.She was only there an hour.

I did say I was worried i was seeing thing that werent there but she agreed she has alot of traits that woudnt be spotted unless you were looking for them and knew what you were looking for.
She sending me a copy of her observation but will be at assessment on 10th Nov. While we are there she is going to do the ADOS test.

She suggested if DD2 current preschool cant see her difficulties even though they know she has possible ASD it might not be the best place for her.

See - lisad123 isn't going crazy - should be your new name. It is always such a relief when someone else sees what you see. You do start to question your sanity otherwise. it's a good start - i'll keep fingers crossed that maybe the report of her observation might get the pre-school to buck up their ideas. If they don't - leave. there are plenty of good pre-schools that are more than happy to work with you. [hsmile]