Child out of control, have been called into school!!??

[butty]

Well it has started.!!!! i have just received a phonecall from school requesting my attendance after school tonite.????
It appears that chloe has gone one step too far.
They caught her in the toilet, sticking wet toilet paper to the walls, and when asked to get down she said "no" in an apparant aggressive way.
When taken into class, they asked why? she has replied that "i was bored"
I hope now that they can see what i go through day in, day out.
But will i get the help from the pro's any faster "i dont think so!!!!!"
They want to talk about her behaviour??!!
Thats all i've been doing for the past 7 months with them.
What can i do????
I dont want her to be singled out.
PLEASE HELP.

In a way it's a good thing that this has happened, because now the school have to take notice of what you've been saying to them. You're not just making this up and now it's spilling over into school. Cross your bridges one at a time, see what they have to say, and try to stay calm. Concentrate on what can be done to help move forward rather than apportioning blame. Show that you're keen to work together with the school and not against them, and hopefully you'll get positive results.

Good luck with the meeting.

The new school teacher has done nothing but thank me for my support as i ask for extra word games etc.. to help chloe whilst she is apparantly behind at school.
I also keep them up to date about progress with appointments.
They aware that she has suspected ADHD and filled a conners questionairre last term.
Well its just that when i recieved the phonecall they said that the behaviour was unacceptable, and it needs discussing.
But in all hinesight, i have warned them and advised them what she is like at home and with others and also how she is becoming more violent.
It appears that they have taken no notice of my words and are now singling her behaviour out as unacceptable although they should have been prepared after all the advance warnings of problems that we suffer with her.
Where do i go from here????

I hope you don't mind me asking but how old is your dd? my ds is just like your dd and i worry it will start happening at school. We are just having assesments done and are seeing consultant next week.

butty, Karenthirl's right that its good its come up and they have to pay some attention now! But not good that they might not be very supportive and were possibly not listening. Let us know what happened. They can't just say YOU need to deal with it, its their job and if they can't then they need to access support. Easier said than done sometimes I know.

thanks for your support.
3kids, chloe was 5 in august and has just started year 1.
Davros, they have had no problem saying that chloe was behind in class, they did however have a problem when i explaimed that her behaviour was out of control at home and with others.
The meeting with her new teacher went really well, she apologised about the phonecall and explained that they were to quick to be judgemental not knowing the full facts.
We talked for about 30 minutes about her behaviour at home and i took the recent assesment report from the specialist.
We talked about chloe's academic work and she stated that she was pleased that i encouraged extra work at home to help her not fall behind or be labelled as a "no hope"
I think that this teacher understands, and she agrees that chloe is somewhat inattentive and disruptive in class, andtherefore she wants to help in anyway possible to work with me in managing this situation.
She too has a disabled son who attends the same special school as my son and totally agrees that it aint easy when you have one to deal with as well as another matter urgently needing addressing like chloe's suspected ADHD, she said that it is appalling that they have made us wait this long with no support or urgent referals given the situation.
Any way rant over, but still need advise on handling her violent behaviour, partner mearly walked the other day after she attacked him with a chair.
It's getting us all down!!

does anyone else have any experience or tips they can share with me on how to handle her.
Restraining doesnt really work!!!
Explianing doesnt work!!
Nothing works.
She has started wetting the bed on purpose just so she can come into my private away time at night!!!!
Do these things ever improve!!!!!?????
That is why i rarely come on here at night, i just chill and go to sleep, very boring i know, but i do have my nights out, but if she carries on bedwetting for the fun of it, i mean, she's awake when she does it, my partner may not want to look after them, or he may reduce my nights out!!

hi guys, thought i'd see if anyone around.
Had a really crap morning getting kids ready and it just keeps getting bad.
Still looking for friendly tips and advise on how to deal with chloe, becoming a major pain.
We were up till 11.20 last night with her battling against bed. Again!!

No advice I'm afraid. I just wanted to send you some sympathy. It sounds like you are working like mad to make the best of a difficult situation. I hope that you manage to get the support that you and your little girl need.

cheers triceratops.
I keep plodding along as nothing else can do, although trying to make the best of a bad situation is hard to handle at times.

Hi Butty,

First of all {{{hugs}}} - its horrible be called up by the school like that.

My ds sounds very simialr to your dd. He started school last year but had so many problems that I had to take him out in jan this year. The school were useless and made things worse for him not better.

The only good thing they did was put urgent referrals in to the ed psych etc and also requested that a statutory assessment was done.

I think that you can request to have a statutory assessment done yourself if the school aren't willing to do it. If at the end of the assessment your dd gets a statement the school will have to provide her with a good level of support.

My ds got his statement in may this year and the LEA agreed to let him start school again from reception this sept. So far he is doing well. His new school are fantastic and having a statement means they have to meet his needs.

As for the bed wetting etc- are you sure she is doing it on purpose? Maybe she wakes herself up when she does it. My ds started wetting the bed when everything kicked off at school last year but it was through stress and anxiety. If not try telling her that she will have to wear a nappy in bed if she keeps doing it. My ds is still not completely reliable at night and so if we are away from home he wears 'pyjama pants'.

Somewhere at home I have a behaviour management plan designed for children with ADHD. We have been using it with some success recently. Its hard work as its about changing the way you do things as a parent as well as looking at the child's behaviour but its worth the effort as we are starting to see improvements.

If you want I can photocopy it for you and send it to you. Can't email it I'm afraid as my scanner is not working but CAT me if you'd like a copy.

cheers amynixmum, that would be great as the situation is totally out of control but mainly at home and with other family and friends.
The bedwetting is definately being done on purpose.
She goes to bed at 6.45 and goes to the toilet beforehand, we read a story and then she has harry potter on. Then at around 7.30 when i know she is still awake(still have monitor for both kids)she will come down stairs after wetting the bed and tells and shouts to me that she is not going back to bed as she has wet it so she has to stay up.
i go up stairs straight away to change the bedding and then we get a long song and dance that she wants to stay up with us.
I cant handle anymore, my washing machine is on overload and she is invading the only me time that i get.
Butty.xx

Butty,
I don't know the full story but surely sticking loo paper to the wall and giving the reason for it as "I am bored" is not an extreme thing? sorry as i say i don't know the full story.

buuty- the sleep probs..... look at this thread .... there are many of us on this site who have MELATONIN prescribed to our ADHD...Autistic....etc ....children....

i know your daughter has yet to be diagnosed...but this is something to talk about when you get the paed appointment...and for me it has been life changing cos i was desparate and about to request sleeping drugs for tom ..then this was suggested.

if you want more info-ask and i will post a link to a graet website about it.

p.s..as far as i know cannot be prescribed by a GP...but can buy it on Ebay!!! (again...i know a good website....!)

Butty,
could she be getting so involved in watching HP that she simply "forgets" to go to the toilet. I know when my ds was younger he would get so wrapped up in playing/watching that he would on occassion wet himself. I also know that a lot of children do this. They can't help it, it is just a stage they go through. As for the wanting to stay up with mummy I can't see where the unusualness of this is. Again many children want to be up with their parents..... they want to feel extra close, and as you have another child she has to share you, and probably wants that little bit of extra time cuddles etc?????
have you tried putting her to bed a little bit later i don't know say 7pm those extra 15 minutes may make a difference???
Oh well i am just clutching at straws and trying to help. Don't know if any of it will but hey was worth a try.

Cheers mrsforgetmenotful,
i would appreciate them addresses and links, you can cat me any time.
I need her to get back into routine.
Vaunda, although it may not appear extreme behaviour to yourself, my daughter has just turned 5 and has suspected ADHD.
She is violent, abusive aggressive and the list goes on.
She never stop.
The fact that a 5 yr old child would do this in school is extreme behaviour as it reflects on her and how she is.
Sticking toilet roll to the walls and doors, then telling your teacher "no" in an aggressive manner when asked to get down is not acceptable, telling the teacher she was bored is another thing, but with all the stimulation at school, where and how does she find the time to get bored.
I'm glad the school rung me about this as it shows thay are now on the ball with what is going on, and that is vital in order to speed tjhe whole process along.

Reading the other posts has made me think of the advice they give on all the parenting programs. They all seem to say that bed should be quiet and dark. Going to bed and then watching a video blurs the line between daytime and bedtime. Perhaps you could try taking the video out of her room and letting her watch it downstairs instead and then when she goes to bed it is to go to sleep.

Vaunda, my daughter is doing this on purpose.
I know my daughter and i know the way she tries to play me.
She is attention seeking, aggressive, abusive, extremely hyperactive.
If she wants something, she will stop at nothing to get it.
She does the same thing everynight, so surely if it was accidents it wouldnt be every night.
Dont get me wrong i totally love and adore her, theres nothing i would'nt do for her, she nearly died at birth and then had major surgery and in intensive care for 4 weeks.
if your child was like this and he obviously is'nt, you'd go spare and not want things to carry on as they are.
And if you were in this position, you would clearly see what a demanding job it really is, baring in mind that my son is disabled with several physical and learning problems.
I'd swap with you any day to see how normal life can be.!!!

amynnixmum, chloe has had tele in room since 18 months old as she would never go to sleep and it was the only thing that works.
Recently tried for 3 weeks without tele, but turned into allnighters and i am too tired to handle it.
she wakes dylan up and then there are two!!!
I know its not a great solution but it works, well it did until 3 months ago!!!

Butty,
I have been in your position. My ds went through punching and kicking me, hating me beong abusive etc, ignoring everything i said to him, refusing to go to bed, developing major stomach pains, headaches etc all so he could get up and stay up.
Ds was 5 at the time. I imagined all sorts of things were wrong with him, i hardly slept, didn;t have time to eat as i was constantly on the go with him. So i really do know how you feel. Reasoning with him, explaining etc didn't work but he wasn't suspected to have adhd, i was told he was just going through a stage. And sure enough within a few months he had stopped all of this behaviour and i had my sweet little boy back.

I am sorry if i sounded wrong in what i was saying but i do have an idea of how you are feeling.

Vaunda, i am always like this with anyone as try to get my point accross.
Chloe has been a problem since i can remember and in the past 1.5 years has really got out of control.
She displays sign of aspergers according to the pead, but will have to wait and see what they say at the clinic, but it will be a long process of which i have been stuck in since last march.

Butty,
I wish you luck. Only thing i am waiting for at the moment is a referral to a childrens grief counsellor for my ds. I can't really offer you any advice but if you ever want to rant drop us a line x

cheers, i will, when i get time!!!!
I use my working hours to come on here and chat!!!! Should really get some work done.!!!
I have PC at home, but by time settled at night, i want to relax in front of tele with my fella and ave a glass or two of wine!! (wishful thinking) i fall asleep.!!

cant help you butty, but I understand a little what you are going through, as I saw my mother exhausted at the end of each day with my ADHD younger brother. Hope you get some medical help soon, thinking of you.

thanks nightynight and thankyou everyone else for your kind words and support.
it is greatly appreciated.
Butty.xx

something has just clicked.
I have seen a lot on here about children with ADHD/aspergers/AS are usually emotionally and socially problamatic.
Chloe has a lot of friends at school and is always invited to parties etc... She plays nicely with her 3 best buddies and is always outgoing around new children she meets.
She has differences with kids she has grown up with and we find it difficult to stop them fighting and arguing(2 closest to her from growing up)
I'm just a bit confused as she has every trait of ADHD/aspergers etc... and yet she is socially fine.
Well from what i can see she is, apart from those who i say most closest, and the friends in school are only seen at school all though the twins are coming for tea on wednesday!! should be fun!!!