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Original poster

To Wish I'd Never Posted Outwith SN

38 replies

chorltonandthewheelies · 16/10/2010 00:18

I have posted a couple of times in SN but being a parent of an "unusual" child I am more of a lurker. I relate to almost all of the feelings of the parents on the sn formum but sometime for "normality" or "relationship" support I look on the other forums and have occasionally posted -what a mistake!!

I have a 6 year old child who's condition is life threatening and life limiting so I accept this must affect my opinion 0n life but I cant believe the lack of support for disabled people in general on the other forums. Is it just me, or is it better to avoid them?

OP posts:
TheArsenicCupCake · 16/10/2010 00:31

This is the only one I post on.. But that's because I like things a bit fiesty a bit no nonsense. Mixed in with a bit of support.

:)

Goblinchild · 16/10/2010 06:37

You mean posting elsewhere on mumsnet, or other sites?
Different sections of mumsnet have very different flavours and responses, so you pick and choose depending on what you want to discuss and how vulnerable you are feeling.
I can be quite goblinish on some threads, but never SN. Grin

Triggles · 16/10/2010 07:00

Yes, some areas can be a bit hazardous, from what I've noticed. I've lurked here for longer than I've been posting here, and it's a pretty good mix here.

Goblinchild · 16/10/2010 07:54

'I cant believe the lack of support for disabled people in general on the other forums. Is it just me, or is it better to avoid them?'

It's a personal choice, but my lad has to live in the world, so I prefer to ride out with a sharp pointy stick and a smile. Grin

glittery · 16/10/2010 08:20

Grin @ Goblin

r3dh3d · 16/10/2010 09:12

I think the issue with Mumsnet is size. The bigger the forum, the more the silent majority are drowned out by the arsey minority. So it can get a bit rough out there, the key is not to see it as representative of the world in general. Tbh, I post for "other" stuff away from MN and only post on SN here, or on very specific forums for very specific advice.

sarah293 · 16/10/2010 10:23

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LollipopViolet · 16/10/2010 10:39

Well not being a mum yet, but having sight issues and friends with various conditions, this is really the only place I remotely fit in! Do post on Chat as well, but everywhere else, I tend to just read :)

Eloise73 · 16/10/2010 10:48

I think you get good and bad everywhere but the bad ones are usually the more vocal.

I guess i'm a bit naive sometimes about human nature because I am constantly shocked, disappointed and genuinely gobsmacked by how mean, cruel and selfish people can be. And stupid, can never forget stupid...

I like the SN board very much but there are some other ones i've read which are great too. I avoid the AIBU thread like the plague usually...

You won't be disappointed here I dont think :)

2shoeprintsintheblood · 16/10/2010 11:01

I think it is important to go on the main board and shout the idiots down, there is so much ignorance out there, but there is also a lot of kindness, for one idiot there are 10 good people.
tbh I am now tending to steer clear of the sn topic, and only post very occasionally now

sarah293 · 16/10/2010 11:16

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2shoeprintsintheblood · 16/10/2010 11:18

I posted the other day, and got one non reply(no offence to poster at least they answered) I only got more cos I threw a strop.
yet other posts were being answered, but then I was once told by a poster that people didn't answer as they were to busy with another thread and knew nothing about what I was asking!!!!

Eloise73 · 16/10/2010 11:57

I think some of the difficulty is that having a child with special needs is a very very broad subject. Some things we will all share in common like dealing with idiots, the DLA, getting statements etc. But the day to day stuff and medical issues are going to vary wildly.

Personally, I have a daughter with autism who is almost 3 years old. I do read most threads on the SN section but for posts which are about CP or Downs etc I have no experience or helpful advice to give because I don't know much about it. Often i'll say a prayer if someone is struggling but I have no idea what to say or write so I don't. So sometimes you may not get a lot of answers but I think it will be more to do with people not knowing or having experience than them not caring.

2shoeprintsintheblood · 16/10/2010 12:00

well I have posted in the nt teens topic as there is more chance of me getting a reply than on here.
it si a shame as people like me Riv and other do have stuff to offer, but it has to be a 2 way street

Eloise73 · 16/10/2010 12:12

Yes you are right, but I wouldn't give up on the SN section yet.

I went exploring the rest of mumsnet this morning and I think managed to annoy 2 people in less than 20 minutes...LOL!

cory · 16/10/2010 13:16

chorlton, the rest of Mumsnet comes across as particularly bad atm- I've been on here for several years and this is one of the worst times

it's to do with the political situation, everybody's fears of what is going to happen to society, people being less tolerant because they feel under threat themselves, people being influenced by the type of stories circulated by the media atm

hopefully it will quieten down a bit eventually- and the caring people will regroup

I remember the Thatcher years and they were bad, but there was also a certain feeling of camaraderie: perhaps we will see more of that in days to come

ouryve · 16/10/2010 15:25

I'm with goblin :o

I love me a bit of arsehole bating (was going to say poking, but that just looks wrong!) after a rough day! I have a lot of frustration to work out (OK, still sounding all kinds of wrong!)

Goblinchild · 16/10/2010 15:37

'tbh I am now tending to steer clear of the sn topic, and only post very occasionally now'

Do you have any other fora, more specific to your child's needs that could offer you support?
I've often wondered why so many of the SN here are spectrum-related, there are thousands of parents with children who have CP, and other complex needs and learning disorders.
So why are we so over-egged with ASC parents?
Where's everyone else?

cory · 16/10/2010 15:56

we're heeeere!

and I prefer this forum to the specialist support forum because it gives me a perspective

and it's livelier

and Mumsnetters are just more fun

Goblinchild · 16/10/2010 16:00

I do both cory, but I'm a bit worried that 2shoes finds the sn forum not very useful or supportive.
I can't invent an additional non-AS-related sn for my son, he is what he is.

2shoeprintsintheblood · 16/10/2010 16:05

i am glad it helps overs,
would hate people to think I am knocking that.
I think that is why I had great hopes for the sn teens but, I thought we could talk about the teens stuff on there

TheArsenicCupCake · 16/10/2010 18:44

2shoes and Riven :(

I hate it that you feel overrun with asc.. I always try and answer a thread if I think I may have something to offer in way of ideas or help..
I'm not very good at teen girls though as I have male version... ds2 is at that weird inbetween age.. Not a small dc but not quite a teen yet.. ( ds1 just grunts and txts :)).

sneezecakesmum · 16/10/2010 19:24

My DGS does not have ASD (mind, he does like to lick the swimming pool water Confused )
He does have CP though, but I still read a lot of the ASD threads and have learned an enormous amount about ASD. It has informed and enlightened me, and education is not a bad thing in this world Grin

2shoeprintsintheblood · 16/10/2010 19:25

oh don't be sorry obviously there is more need for support there iynwim.
I think it is just one of those things.
I love mn, and hate the specialist cp sights, as tbh I don't fit. dd always seems to different.
tbh she fits better here. people just need to forget what the DX is and answer with what they think could help, then people like me can just adapt the advice.
hope that makes sense.
back to the op, I kind of know how you feel,
there is a lot of nastiness on mn at the moment.

BialystockandBloom · 16/10/2010 20:15

2shoes and Riven, I really feel saddened that you don't feel you get support here and 2shoes I really hope you don't stop posting. As many have said, there seems to be a huge majority of posters with dc with ASD so can understand you feeling ignored - as pp have said, actual advice can only be given by people who have dc with the same condition or even similar age. But that shouldn't stop support being given. Shame that the SN teen section hasn't really taken off.

But it is often the way generally that some posts (in any section) just don't get that many replies - I can't remember the amount of posts I've started over the years which have had less than 1 or 2 replies. And sometimes when a thread gets loads of posts it's often a conversation between the same 2 or 3 posters anyway.

Back to the OP, I don't often post on, or even read, other sections much atm but that's because ds has recently been diagnosed with ASD and I have an awful bloody lot going on atm - don't have time! I think there are still useful things to learn, and interesting or fun conversations to be had.