When you talk about your ASD child having meltdowns,what exactly do you mean?

[imahappycamper]

People on here sometimes talk about their child having a "meltdown" but does it mean the same to everyone?

'A meltdown' can be different for each child, when dd2 has a meltdown she tends to cry, screem, slam herself down on the floor and in the past couple of days has started to hit herself in the face, other children may become violent, may throw things, break things and others might remove themselfs from the cause or hide under a table.

Hope that helps ?

DD1 has very few and when she does she screams, shouts abuse, slams things round, destroys things in her room, but is seldom violent. DD2 cries and shouts then goes rigid and shaking and very red in the face and finds something to hide under.

My DS (Aspie) is 15 now and he is much better. He used to get very stroppy and violent but it never occurred to me that it was what other people meant by "meltdowns". I suppose I imagined a kind of mini nervous breakdown with total loss of control.

Mine hasn't had a meltdown for a couple of years, but when he did...
Blind raging fury, unable to hear anyone else yelling or calling his name, total focus on destroying the source of his distress, unrestrained strength without an understanding of self-preservation. Not really sentient when in the throws of one, and unable to remember events during.
Needed to withdraw and calm himself before any discussion of events and causes happened.
A couple of years ago, a straying dog chased his beloved cat off the street and onto our property as we were coming home. He roared, launched himself forwards, grabbed the dog by the throat and tail and threw it over the front garden wall and back onto the street. This was a large dog, thrown some 10+ feet and over a 4' wall.
DS then needed to go into his room with the cat and not talk about what had happened for an hour, so he could calm down.

My DS cries and screams which gets louder and louder, pulls his hair and scratches at his face. He has bitten other people before. He shakes as if frightened.

Yells, screams, roars, hits and has broken furniture, hit people if they are in the way.. Total uncontrolled rage.

the are much less frequent now though!

Oh yes, don't get in his way if he's leaving a room or a situation. Not a good outcome.

Out of control, unable to be reasoned with, unable to handle their emotions, violent and scared.

for me its - imagine a toddler having a tantrum. a really really bad tantrum where they are on the floor kicking and screaming, nothing you say makes a difference.

now times that by 100.

then imagine it is (in DS case) a child that is the size of a small adult. he is stronger than you are and throwing things like tables and chairs.

nothing you do calms him down. you just have to let him thrash it out.

It is horrible. terrifying for those who see it for the first time and very upsetting for all concerned.

Just to add confusion ds will also do the opposite.. He will completley shutdown too.

Completely non responsive, fetal position and wil rock for hours.

Meltdowns used to go on for a good few hours.. When we have them now we are down to about an hour :)

As I always say, DD1 doesn't have an ASD dx, but is similar in many ways.

Meltdowns involve (usually) a period of getting completely hyped up, doing more and more unacceptable things, laughing hysterically, etc. Then moves on to complete emotional breakdown, hysterical crying, sobbing, hitting, pinching, etc.

She isn't strong enough to do any real damage. Her hands are weak and her grasp is weak because her fingers curl. But her Piedro boots are HARD.

The only thing that helps is to firmly cradle her in our arms pulling her knees towards her chest and sing 'Rock a bye baby'.

The worst one was around 18 months ago, when she went into complete meltdown half-way home from preschool. I was heavily pregnant with DD3, had DD2 in the buggy and DD1 refused to walk at all, hysterical, etc. I eventually had to sit on the pavement, phone my Mum, and cradle DD1, singing rock-a-bye-baby until my Mum came to take us home.

Our meltdowns are blind fury, proper raging - screaming, shouting, hitting, kicking, throwing (throwing is the biggie). He actually frightens himself, if that's possible.

My DS just seems to lose any kind of reasoning. His frustration / confusion / anxiety takes over and he just wails and wails and won't let you near him but at the same time needs you near him.

It is almost like he needs to shut down in order to start again and has to get to that point himself.

ds1 often hits and bites himself but usually it's brief until something is 'fixed'. A meltdown for us is extended and continues for a long time- lots of screaming, lots of biting, lots of hitting, and maybe hitting his head on windows or walls (although that has decreased recently).

DS 16 used to have them and it was awful house would be smashed up and he would be very violent towards me and DD2 but no screaming and shouting just swearing. Not had any attacks since about Easter he just punches the wall now in a temper but he broke the shower enclosure fixings last week and it can't be fixed so more expense.

With my ds its like all the frustration and anger he is feeling can't be contained any longer and literally explodes. He goes red, shakes screams and shouts, clenches his fists, stamps feet, slams doors. There is no reasoning with him and he can't hear a word anyone says to him. He also screams the most hurtful/hateful things at people (usually me) which can be pretty hard to deal with sometimes.

We have now taught him to take himself out of the situation, go away and calm down. He doesn't always manage this until the meltdown has already started to subside though. This can take anything from 20 minutes to over an hour, depending on how extreme the meltdown was.

We are fortunate I suppose in that, so far, he hasn't become physical with anyone. He has broken a few things, but its rare and they have tended to be fairly small 'missiles' rather than anything major.

As chocoholic said, I feel its like it all gets too much and he needs to press the reset button before normal service can be resumed iyswim.

Ds often has major tantrums about things if they don't go the way he expected but I think only has a real melt down very occasionally. Usually when we are out and he hasn't anywhere to hide away.
The worst was about 3 years ago in a hospital loo. Was about to change ds2s nappy and ds1 went beserk. Was throwing himself around screaming, smashing into me and the Walls whilst I clung onto ds2 for dear life.
Then he suddenly stopped as fast as he had begun. I was convinced social services would be outside when I opened the door along with hospital security guards. Fortunately not.
I think the biggest thing that marks them out for me are that at the end he continues with life as if absolutely nothing has happened.

For us, the difference between a temper tantrum and a meltdown is that the latter cannot be reasoned with, and there's a sort of absence afterwards where he can't remember events leading to his loss of self-control.

In a temper tantrum I can always put in a sanction and if it's powerful enough he'll find it in him to regain control. In a meltdown there's no way he's got that ability - he's way past the point of control and the rage has to run its course before he can recover.

Thankfully ds very rarely has proper meltdowns now, only about once in three months, but they're still scary when they happen.

I get quite irritated when parents of non-SN kids talk about theirs having a meltdown, when it really means they've had a bit of a paddy because they weren't getting chips for tea or whatever . If only they knew...

oh my god, we are so fortunate. DS, 5 and ASD never had a meltdown (touch wood) like all of you describe. I always thought his crying for the same thing over and over is meltdown.

'We have now taught him to take himself out of the situation, go away and calm down. He doesn't always manage this until the meltdown has already started to subside though. This can take anything from 20 minutes to over an hour, depending on how extreme the meltdown was. '

moosemama my DS used to have the same instant ignition, but between 11 and 14, his fuse got longer and longer.
His control has increased as well, and whereas previously meltdown was his first response, now it is his final one if he can't step out of a situation, walk or run away from it or have a safe place to retreat to. He has matured to a degree I didn't think possible.

streakybacon
'I get quite irritated when parents of non-SN kids talk about theirs having a meltdown, when it really means they've had a bit of a paddy because they weren't getting chips for tea or whateve'
I said that on a chat thread about use of specific language that people disliked or wanted banned etc. I got shouted down by all the parents of little princesses and emperors saying that I was being unduly prescriptive. Don't care really, I said that it annoyed me, not that I wanted it banned. Ho hum.

Don't want to alarm you tiredmummyoftwo but ds's first meltdown didn't come till he was seven. He'd been quite peaceful (albeit hard work and hyper) up till that point.

That said, they're all different, so you might get away with no meltdowns.

total loss of control, unable to reason with them, or reach them. It's a tantrum unlike any tantrum parents of NT children can uunderstand your child is not there in front of you, your child has disappeared into themselves and what has come out is a wild raging beast who looks right through you, doesn't seem to be able to see or hear or recognise you. You can't calm them down, distract them and the force of them is breathtaking. It's pure emotion. It is a a tantrum, but it's more than a tantrum. It is frustration, the full force of pure frustration poring out of a person. In fact, the person has gone and been replaced by frustration, if that makes any sense

I've seen nt kids having tantrums and they are like an echo of a meltdown. a fading echo.

It's so - raw, so real, so brutal.

Well, that's my experience anyway. every child is different.