When you talk about your ASD child having meltdowns,what exactly do you mean?

[imahappycamper]

People on here sometimes talk about their child having a "meltdown" but does it mean the same to everyone?

Sorry, really don't want to worry people unnecessarily.

Ds was in a spectacularly negligent school and the daily stress of being there was massive, so it was no wonder things took the turn they did. With proper support he might have never gone on to regular meltdowns.

We've been picking up the pieces for the past two years and meltdowns are very rare now. I do know of some children with AS who never have them at all.

ds2 very rarely does. very rarely. d21 used to have them daily at one point! but he's far calmer now.

Every child is different.

However, when ds2 does blow, it is terrifying. He had one a few days after my surgery and attacked me - hitting and kicking at my stomach. I was actually fighting him off! It felt like he was deliberatly targetting my stomach as he knew it was full of stitches and staples!

What made it worse was that, I suppose in total shock, I couldn't stop laughing all the time he was doing it he was kicking my stapled stomach and I was laughing while actually fighting him off.

ds1 not d21

The first 'meltdown' ds had was when he was 3-4. We were having a chocolate biscuit at my dsis's house and he was so disinterested. I unwrapped it, still no interest, so (stupid stupid mummy) i took a bite and said 'yummy biscuit look ds'. For an hour he screamed and cried and beat me up. Sis tried taking him away but all he wanted to do was sit on my knee and alternate between hitting me and himself.
He still didn't eat his biscuit.

ATM his meltdowns usually end up with him kneeing his forehead and punching himself, he is covered in bruises. He also nips so has gouge marks as well

His last temper tantrum was at Chester Zoo where the crowds got too much for him and he burst into tears and tried to run off from us. He was shaking so much and it took us ages to calm him down. All he wanted was quiet and to be alone but all the other zoo-goers wanted to stand and stare

At one point ds was almost in constant meltdown . Each one would last two to four hours then he'd rumble for days afterwards, and if anything went wrong in that time he'd blow again. Inevitably things often did go wrong so we ended up just rolling through meltdown after meltdown, though in a sense I suppose you could say it was still the same one.

That state of mind took a full year to get out of and he would pop at the drop of a hat. Once the pattern of meltdowns starts it's very hard to break the cycle, but it can be done.

I think the main difference for me between a tantrum and a meltdown is with a tantrum say with a toddler I know I can can contain the situation, I can employ certain stratagies and stand firm and it will end. However with a meltdown there is no such assurances on my part, they are scary for me and I am left feeling wrung out and exshausted.

Also meltdowns are unpredicatable for us anyway, I never know what will set things off whereas with tamtrum you usually know triggers and can avoid them. Sometimes I feel like I am walking on eggshells all day long trying to keep ds from exploding.

My ds tends to lose it and kick and hit me and scream horrible things at me, he will also hit out at sibs and throw things. Sometimes holding him very firmly and talking calmly to him helps, afterwards he is very quiet and withdrawn and sometimes tells me to leave him alone while he is calming himself down.

I think like choc says its like a reboot to him. we are having more at the moment prob due to going back to school.

streakybacon - sometimes not having chips for tea can set one off

seriously I never know what can start one, no chips can be fine one day but another - well its the end of his world!

Somedays he can't cope with boiled potatoes

Totally agree, sumum - ds has had a few for very (apparently) trivial reasons as well.

What I meant was some parents interpreting 'a bit of a whinge' and persistent angry nagging as a meltdown when clearly it isn't. The real thing (as so many have commented on here) is quite shocking and scary .

streakybacon, I sincerely hope DS is different. His style atm is to shut down if he does not like anything (starts stimming by talking to himself). He would not push anybody at his wrestling class, so daddy's trying to teach him how to push or pull. I am thinking now may it's not such a good idea.

That's the difference to me too. A meltdown is when they can't control what is happening to their own bodies. A tantrum is a form of communication, anger that you can't have something you want or a way to get it. In a meltdown situation there is no communication. They go into their own world and are unreachable until they are able to calm down. There is no point in trying to say or do anything to my girls once it's happening. It's a case for containment not intervention.

Tiredmummyoftwo, that withdrawal can be a form of meltdown too. We tend to think of it as a powerful emotional outburst but it's not always. For some kids, the way they deal with overload is to retreat into themselves but essentially it's the same thing - an overpowering but uncontrollable response to stimuli and circumstances that they get lost in and outsiders can't communicate with them when it's in full swing.

streakybacon,DS's withdrawal is never to the extent that he gets lost and we can't communicate with him. He is still with us and still able to respond to us even though it takes more goes to get a respond out of himself than normal time. Even though he is talking to himself, he is also very aware of what's going on around him and specially our reaction to see how we are responding to him. It's more like he does not want to interact with us if he is upset, would rather carry on playing by himself.

With DS1, it's extended toddler tantrums - in a large 6 year old. Earsplitting screams, endless ranting and yelling, hesitant lashing out at adults (because the legalist in him knows it's wrong), really nasty lashing out at his brother (because he doesn't care if that's wrong), doors getting slammed, anything he can get his hands on going flying and a general tendency to turn into very heavy wet spaghetti the moment you try and move him. This can last for up to 2 or even 3 hours. Sometimes it starts without warning, but usually, there's been a few hours of extreme irritability and anxiety in the run up.

DS2 is mild in comparison and usually stomps around for a while and occasionally slaps me silly. He gets more tearful than explosive.

DD1 will just stand there with a look of panic and desolve into tears that she shes stop :( Very hard to watch

DD2 just schreeches at people and hits them

I love this thread. It's really interesting to hear how all the different children have their individaul ways of responding when the world egts too much to cope with. Every child is different as usual.

I have really been interested in your replies. DS did not start this sort of thing until he went to Secondary School and then hit puberty, but so much of what other people have said rings true.

What I found so hard when we were going through it was finding anyone to help us cope. Behaviour management, even for parents of ASD children, really didn't begin to touch the surface.