What do you think of this?

[pucca]

Ok bit of background for anyone who doesn't know the problems with my ds.

He is 4, just started ms reception. He has many sensory issues, rigdities, obsessions, social interaction delay, basically global delay, ASD and ADHD traits, still in full time nappies due to impacted bowel, sleep disorder (on melatonin). We are currently under CAHMs after 18mth of seeing paeds at CDC. Just recieved a proposed statement for school.

Today school have sent a letter home to every parent in the school addressed from a little boy in ds's class. This letter is basically stating about the fact this boy is autistic and highlighting his difficulties.

Now I am quite shocked as to how this has made me feel! There are a couple of other children in the school who are ASD but this hasn't been done before. I can understand how his mother feels (ds has just gone through a stage of attacking other children) but to do this? I am a bit about it, I haven't felt the need to shout it from the roof about my son, so why on earth has school allowed this?

What do you think?

Interesting. I'm sort of pondering on allowing/asking teacher to explain to class about my DS's difficulties with talking and understanding what people say to him.

Reason being at pick up time the other day, a boy from his class shouted out loud "that boy can't talk properly!" while pointing the finger at DS. DS is nearly 5 in ms recep., (asd and sp. and lang. disorder)
It just went straight above DS's head but i felt to realise that children have obviously noticed some of his more obvious difficulties.

I wouldn't want for everyone to know about his autism but at least about his trouble with speech and language. I wouldn't want a letter to be sent home but just for teacher to explain in a simple way to his peers in class.

pucca, why do you have a problem with it?

We all have to make decisions about our child's welfare. This Mum has decided to confront her child's difficulties by being transparent and up-front about it.

I know at our preschool there was a girl with a blood disorder, and every parent got a short info leaflet and a request for children to be careful around her.

I don't see it as any different to that.

Genie... regarding the boy shouting. I have had similar things as my ds was wearing bilateral hearing aids (glue ear)and his speech.

I totally agree with you though, why shout it out for everyone? The singling out happens enough without drawing attention to yourself and your dc. I want any issues with ds to be dealt with how you described.

I just think it is bad ethos really, and I suppose in a way a bit of favourtism. I might joke with HT and say are you going to send a letter out for my ds next week? Or for my friend's ds? Bad move on her behalf I think.

I know I am probably making a mountain out of a molehill in some peoples eyes but feeling a little touchy at the mo.

Lougle..I have probably explained by the post above.

It's a tough one.

I allowed the teacher to discuss my ds' asd with the class. I'm hoping it was passed on to parents, but probably wasn't because the kids are only 5/6

I also ran the London Marathon for the NAS and got some sponsorship off parents at school.

But: ASD has such massive ramifications that I don't think most people really 'get it' and it doesn't prevent the parents from gawping if ds kicks off in the playground...

So maybe it wasn't worth the effort.

My ds has a classmate with ASD and me and her mum tend to stand seperately from the other mums because I think the others think we must be defective in some way

Lougle..I also feel I can't explain exactly why it has made me feel this way, It has just got my back up in a way.

How many children do you suppose in any ms school has some sort of difficulty? If you did this for every child there would be letters going out all the time. This is my point.

The child you mention with the blood disorder is different in my eyes, as if a problem occured then that may endanger the childs health in some way.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with this...who to tell and how to go about it.

Personnaly i don't see any problem if some one wants for all the other parents to know. I wouldn't. For same reasons as Pucca. Some ppl may be understanding and accepting, others will not "the is it contagious brigade" ...iyswim.

But for the other children in the class to be told about some of DS's difficulties in a simple way might be beneficial, children will be aware and comments like the one the boy shouted less likely to happen.

I'm not keen on this. I have no problem with teacher explaining to children in class that dd has difficulties with certain stuff, but I don't really see why the whole schools' parents need to know. In my dd's school we had a letter about a child who had been diagnosed with Tourettes. The letter named the child and his year group. I assumed that the dc's parents had agreed to this, but I didn't need to know this.

Cansu...This letter names the child and the year group.

I also agree that it is a good idea to explain to the children, or I also understand sending a letter explaining a little to the parents in his class...but the WHOLE school?

Riven..Tbh I think she will get more stares now, and more people whispering. Also on this letter at the end it states from the child "please say hello to me, I may not reply but will usually smile for you".

This I think will make people over-compensate.

I do take your point re: letter to whole school rather than class being a bit of an erm interesting choice. But I completely agree with Starlight. Not a path I would choose, but I can understand why others would.

I think this is absolutely shocking. If it came from the HT maybe. But to come from another child/parent? Absolutely not on.

Pucca - I'm scared for you. They'll be running you out of town next.

Make an appt to see the HT. They should not be doing this without your permission. And if they do this it should come from the school not from a parent.

Your child has a right to privacy and respect and all those things.

IndigoBell I think you have misunderstood The letter isn't about Pucca's child. It is about another child, presumably initiated by that child's parent.

Pucca I don't quite understand. It really can't be favouritism - you didn't ask the head teacher to do a letter about your child, did you? You could have done, couldn't you?

You seem to be taking a personal offence at one parent's choice about how to deal with her child's ASD, and at the same time feeling affronted that your child hasn't had the same understanding/treatment

pucca - why are you so upset that school has allowed this re:the other boy? not having a pop, just genuinely wanting to know why it bothers you?

Lougle...Ok, maybe I am a little hurt.

Without going into too much detail (mainly because it would take all night) the HT has made me feel I am over-reacting despite MANY reports concerning my ds, hasn't supported me because ds hasn't been officially diagnosed with ASD (YET have had verbal diagnosis) and is generally hard work. She is also the SENCO.

As I said there are also a few other children with ASD who hasn't had this done. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way?? Also as I stated if a letter was sent out regarding every child with ASD or ADHD etc there would be letters going out left, right and centre.

Also adding into that everything else I have posted on this thread.

I think I will just leave it there now, as I also explained I am feeling touchy, having a bad day I guess.

Haven't not hasn't

pucca, that is exactly the sort of day that this board is for, IMO. You shouldn't not post because you are feeling touchy

Ok, so it seems that this letter somehow validated this other boy's ASD, in your mind, within the school, while your DS is still being seen as 'difficult' or 'odd' rather than 'ASD'.

I think I would be hurt too Because the letter itself hasn't hurt you, it is the fact that this family have been given support and you haven't.

It sounds as though this family decided that it was better to just 'rip the plaster off' and tell the whole school that their child has ASD, to avoid any misinterpretations of their child's lack of interaction.

You shouldn't feel that you have to do something similar to get support from the school.

I think you're feeling the SN thing - the seperateness of SN and the fact that the mummies may be talking about your dc in the same terms makes you feel uneasy.

Starlight is right. If you know the system and complain like f*ck you get things done and provision for your dc and it can make you unpopular. I'm sure other SN mums think that cos I am a teacher employed by the LEA I have got 'special favours'. In reality I am just informed and dangerous.

You've clearly had a long week but you must post what you feel - otherwise there's no point in it at all. It will make you feel better IMO.

pucca agree with starlight and lougle - now you have explained more, it's easier to get where you are coming from - that it's wrapped up in a bigger problem with him starting m/s school, and you feeling unsupported by HT, whereas this little lad's needs seem to be being taken more seriously.

Maybe the mother has been approached and hassled in the playground.

When ds1 was in mainstream I had to get used to other children pointing him out to their parents 'that boy can't talk mummy'. I suppose it is quite fascinating really.