prolific school refuser

[devientenigma]

My son has school refused for the last few year. With me often getting him there by dinnertime. He's a nightmare when he gets home obviously taking whats left of the day out on us. He also refuses to go to bed and often wakes through the night crying and saying no school. He refuses to dress, which also is a seperate issue.
Anyway, just wondering how, who and what will help??

Hiya
I replied on your SEN thread. x

yeah thanks, I replied back lol x

Maybe being dense, but can't find the thread - would love to see what you said SR. Big issue with this too - DS only on half days at the moment. Second week of term and he has only been in 1 morning this week (Yr 5).

Just waiting for a visit from LEA person following CAF so won't go into whole sorry story now (and don't want to hijack - just interested/concerned too!)

Here it is Ampers

DD was on half days for a while, too. It's sp hard, isn't it?

have just replied again lol. I have asked can he do half days but it's law he is in full time!!

Shall we move over here -best place for experienced posters IME!
I don't know about statements, so not sure if they can say it's law for him to be full time.

It is not law that he has to go full time. He can be flexi schooled which is legal.

Is home schooling an option for you?

just read ya post on sen ed. The only thing he enjoys is dinnertime (loves food), and playtime. I have observed him at playtime and he just sits out doing nothing which again is what he likes to do.
I have been through all the symbols they use in school re the lessons so this is how I know. He also says noise while covering his ears. He also doesn't like friends. HTH x
Indigo Home schooling pt would be an option, however I don't think I could cope with him all day, he is very challenging and I know that sounds a bit of a cop out.

devient, has the school brought in someone with sensory processing sensitivites to check out the classrooms, hallways etc for sensory hazards? So often I go into schools with pupils who have been refusing to engage/attend, and I can immediately see why they are scared to be in that space. The sensory overload is like torture in some cases.
Just a thought...

Can I ask ( sorry if you already answered on the other thread ) have you stripped it write down to basics to find out why from your dc's perspective school is being refused?

I think that may be a good starting point to work from.
It may need to be taken back further than " the teacher shouts " etc .. There could be all sorts going on that could be worked on at a real basic level that may improve things.

Hi amber, school haven't been much help. We are about to embark on mediation due to some of the problems we have between school and us.

Hi arsenic, thats what I have been trying to do, Just not very successfully then falling on deaf ears.

I agree with amber, I can imagine that sensory overload could be a very real possibility.
Does your son have an OT?

Amber you have said exactly what I was heading at.

We now look at school environment very differently for ds.. Who at the end of last summer term ended up part time at best.

When he said " people have a go all the time".. What it boiled down to was there were too many people, it was too noisy, no structure, he had no grounding.. And when other children asked if he was okay .. He just wanted to get away from them... There was lots lots more.. But the sensory bit was much bigger than any of us onlookers realised.

Hi all, yes he has an OT which is as good use as the school!!

DD's OT told us that the school environment , for dd, could be the equivilent (sp?) to how we would feel if we had to go into a noisy nightclub with a raging migraine.
Imagine if someone then expected us to concentrate on work, or follow rules. We would be disorientated and stressed, to say the least.

The school should be getting these assessments done and following the professionals' advice. I am so sad for you and your ds that this isn't happening.

x post about the OT

I can't imagine how frustrated you must be -like banging your head against a wall.

Is HE any kind of possibility for you?

Yeah I can see what you mean SR. They are very conflicting and love to twist the blame to the parents, however he's sitting watching playhouse disney!! I think they have his education wrong also. He won't brush his teeth, cut his hair etc I think these should also be empasised in his education moreso than numeracy and literacy.

It is annoying!! however it seems to be our problem and I just needed to know how to help without the help of school etc. He's been back 6 days and 5 of those he gopt in at dinnertime if at all!

I agree -to be honest I'm really not that bothered about dd's academic achievements. Like you, I want her to learn to brush her hair or bath herself.

I'm not trying to nudge you in any direction, but I have to say that dd was transformed when I took her out of school. All of her sensory issues/ocds etc calmed right down when we were back in control of her environment. She was like a different child. Luckily, her new school has continued with our strategies.

Apart from the sensory issues, OCD is very hard to deal with in an environment where you have zero control -I imagine that stresses him out too. It's a vicious circle, really -the child becomes anxious and stressed by sensory or OCD issues, then the stress makes the issues worse. And so it goes on....

I have to go for a while, but will be back later.
Hope your ds is enjoying Playhouse Disney - I can bear most of it, apart from 'Imagination Movers'

Right I have been trying to put myself in your sons shoes ( whilst doing the washing up). I may get it wrong.. But I'm hoping that it may highlight areas that you might be able to change..if that makes any sense..
( I think it may be worth a go though).
I know it's a cycle but if I start in the morning..
I am feeling yuk, grumpy and tired and there is that awful school they want me to go to. I have to get dressed and I hate the feel of the clothes, I'm desperate to feel some control, some grounding and I know today is going to be rubbish. if I put up enough of a fight I won't have to do it..
I get to school I can't control my environment at all, it's too loud and noisy and bright, teachers want me to do things I can't concentrate on and there is too much going on.. Argggg.

I get home and I'm going to let it all out in a safe place.. Home is safe..and this is all going to happen again tomorrow. That makes me anxious just thinking about it and I'm still grumpy and tired..
Now I can't get to sleep and I keep waking up .. Etc etc etc

.. This really could be totally wrong btw and you know your son ..

I'm wondering ( and you've probably tried).. If you have a total days break .. So that he gets a reasonably good night.. Get him up early .. Put clothes on that he is okay with.. And take him ( with some help as he's probably quite big being 10).. But only take him for an hour or thirty minutes...( maybe to pick some work up for him to do in the afternoon)
Then take him home.. I wouldn't personally say anything about school.. Afternoon sit and do the work given.. and aim for a good night again.

It sounds like a total hassel and maybe you've tried it..
But this is what I would do.
I would keep doing that until I had got help from the EWO, EP , CAMHS, a different OT etc etc

sorry if I'm way off the mark !

Sibling, yup. Going into a sensory avalance of stuff is, for many of us, the same as turning up to a Rock Concert at full volume in the dark, with strobe lighting effects, whilst standing in a vat of horrible perfume and wearing barbed wire clothing that's way too tight. Then being asked to follow instructions, be polite, make eye contact, do good quality work.

People can't sense that stuff, so they think we're just being awkward. The courage it takes some children just to go into a classroom is heroic.

:( DS used to have problems with going to school, in the end like SR I took him out to home-ed him for a while. Then we moved house and he went back to a very caring school. I know it isn't as easy though if you have only the choice of one school, not to mention the issues of removing a child from a special school.
DS had lots of issues that I knew about at his first school, but it wasn't until he was going back to the new school that I finally found out that he was actually being really baddly bullied in his first school. He started worrying there would be a child like X there, and eventually he told me what had been going on.

How are things today devientenigma? I've been thinking about you.

Thanks everyone, you are all spot on and the ideas are great.
SR, he's here lining up his handy manny tools, lol. I managed to get him there for the afternoon yesterday, very reluctanatly, his teacher was in the reception area as soon as he saw her he grabbed my hand, pulled me round and said home mam!!
To top it they have had a fire alarm practice!!
The teacher said he thought it was magic! He says things are magic when he is scared and doesn't like it. I asked him did he not tell how he felt and he replied with headphones. So he's obviously asked for his headphones (ear defenders) which school say he doesnt need!!