I don't know how much more i can cope with really i don't!!!!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

DS1 has been diagnosed with ODD and is being assessed at some point soon for Aspergers.

I can cope normally pretty ok, i do get frustrated and annoyed and have shouted.

Yesterday I asked him to get dressed and got told "Shut up you cunt"

I don't know how i managed but i walked away without reacting too much, i was shocked more than anything tbh!

Anyway roll on to today. he will not do anything at all he is asked. Do i ignore him and do it all myself or do i keep asking and impementing the rules?

I am sitting here close to tears, yesterday i spent 3 hours crying.

What was his punishment for calling you a cunt?

I took his television away probably not enough but i really was in shock.

Colditz as you know that is just a small part of everything tbh.

I am trying to stop DS2 copying his behaviour because when DS1 is not here DS2 doesn't misbehave on the same level but when he is DS2 screams like DS1 and shouts the same thing. He shouts I hate you because DS1 does....i don't know what to do next.
I have to go shopping in a minute but am dreading it tbh.

It sounds like you could do with a break - any friends of family who would mind ds or even take ds out for a couple of hours to give you a bit of peace.

Pick your battles, it helps to make it less overwhelming - my ds2 also uses foul language and by taking your ds's tv away you showed him a consequence.

Are there any support services in your area?

Helen, I have the youth intervention team, parenting support team, camhs and now social services involved to help.

He is going to my mums for a few days from Monday or possibly today if she gets back early enough.

The thing is he knows his behaviour has consequences but it makes no difference to him. I have emptied his room totally before and he just carries on.

Have you tried video recording his outbursts? Playing them back later to him, or threatening to play them to someone he respects?

Colditz, I have 8 videos on my laptop of him taken over the last 18m and when I play them back to him he laughs and says "I will have to scream louder next time"

I have to go shopping now, but i will be back

Some very good advice here.

I definately think if punishments don't mean anything to him - then don't do any. Not find a punishment that will work, just don't punish him at all. After all could his behaviour actually be much worse?

Instead I'd just keep telling him over and over how his actions are affecting you, eg I'm sad because.... Or I haven't got any money to replace that...

But definately, definately pick your battles. And swearing probably won't make your top 3 things you can't tolerate.

What happens if you don't ask him to do anything? Ie tell him he has to leave for school at 9, but don't tell him to get dressed, eat breakfast etc. Then I guess he has to leave for school at 9, in his pyjamas and with no breakfast if necessary.

But mostly you have to do whatever you need to and ignore all the parenting advice from well mean individuals (like me) who don't have a clue.....

Maryz,

Thankyou I will start another thread with an FAO so you can walk me through it, if thats ok???

Indigo, I would never assume someone didn't hve a clue!!! I appreciate all advice given

Maryz, sorry i didn't mean for it to sound like i wanted you to give me the answers, more just ideas for how i learn to ignore and sift out the major things as opposed to the minor iyswim?

Hi again, may have missed this but just wondered what age your ds is TLE? Does he share a room with his brother?

Trouble, thankyou, i should have come here years ago. i guess half of it is admitting something is wrong in the first place!

Maryz, thats what i can't get my head around he is unhappy so often!

just going to bath DS2 then will be back.

I have gone between all out knowing something was/is wrong to denying it all the way and looking for other reasons.

I think a lot of it it i was and still can be so focused on his education side that I rabbit on about that and try to sweep the behaviour aside iyswim?

Ohh what thread is it? I am rubbish at finding things.