I don't know how much more i can cope with really i don't!!!!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

DS1 has been diagnosed with ODD and is being assessed at some point soon for Aspergers.

I can cope normally pretty ok, i do get frustrated and annoyed and have shouted.

Yesterday I asked him to get dressed and got told "Shut up you cunt"

I don't know how i managed but i walked away without reacting too much, i was shocked more than anything tbh!

Anyway roll on to today. he will not do anything at all he is asked. Do i ignore him and do it all myself or do i keep asking and impementing the rules?

I am sitting here close to tears, yesterday i spent 3 hours crying.

I am a bit more relaxed now. DS2 went to sleep about 9 and DS1 FINALLY settled about 11.05...early for him but he will still be up in an hour and then again at 6.30....i am exhausted some days.

lol Maryz not a shit parent at all....just one who like me has had to learn.

ok this morning so far he has sat swinging on the baby gate i have on the living room door and even though i repeatedly asked him to get off he carried on and has broken it off the wall. He then screamed and shouted when I said he should have listened and now he has broken DS2's sword i bought him yesterday.

He is refusing to get dressed - i need to go out but cannot leave him here as he is destructive.

I want to back up the 'ignore everything which is not life or death' message.

That will reduce the instructions to a bare minimum.

I did a mail last night which I deleted as I can't tell how different your situation is to how ours was.

One thing which helped me was to keep on connecting with DS2 irrespective of the swearing, knives etc. I'd smile at him when he came into the kitchen, I'd pat him gently if I could, give unasked for and unearned signs of affection, in spite of whatever else was going on. I'd be a bit like the sun, shining on the just and the unjust. As if I knew that all would be well, even though I hadn't the faintest idea how or why, and no one else seemed to either.

Also, I just picked up his clothes, tidied his bed, put his toothbrush back in it's place etc so I took full responsibility for all that rather than having any expectations which he couldn't freely and happily fulfill.

Whenever there was an opportunity I'd call him 'My darling' or other affectionate name, no sarcasm or hatred. Those were desperate times. I'm probably remembering it all wrong too. I think this was pre- and post- HFA dx as well as pre- and post- starting to home educate.

So just how do you learn to ignore it??

I know that sounds so silly but there are times he is right in my face.

Maryz, i won't ignore you because what you have said makes sense!!

I need to learn to think outside the box so to speak.

I think the problem is i have been doing things in so many different ways - trying to get him to comply to everyday rules etc and trying to punish him in the way any other child would be but when the punishments/sanctions didn't work i just tried something else.

So i have got stuck in a rut? of trying something, it failing, trying something else, that failing and so on.

Now i need to retrain myself to think of him as you say, when he is in the middle of a meltdown as if he is just in my care rather than as mine.

Maryz more sense than I would have imagined.

The thing is I remember the boy he was if that makes sense?

He was a happy go lucky little boy, then he turned 4 1/2 - had his MMR and it seemed almost instantly he changed and drastically.

I don't know if the MMR is to blame but i do know thats when the changes occurred/

Maryz, and that is my aim....