I just wish he would use the toilet. I need to get this off my chest.

[TheLifeOfRiley]

I am so fed up of changing DS, he will not poo in the loo (he is 5, has ASD has had toilet phobia and constipation and witholding issues). I'm sick of wipes, and poo smells, and smelly clothes, and my hands being sore from washing them what seems like a zillion times a day.

I feel so sad and resentful about it today (I'm putting it down to hormones) but I need to get it out fo my system because I feel bad and sad and tired out with it all.

I'm not asking for suggestions or tips or anything, this is more if a blowing off steam kind of rant to people who hopefully will understand and sympathise.

My little boy is 5. He still doesn't give me a solid nights sleep. He is still in nappies along with his size 8-9 clothes. I have also today attatched a sign to his maclaren major which states 'not all disabilities are visible'. I feel like every now and then it hits me and I feel it (the sadness of his ASD and the things he struggles with) all over again.

The whole nappies and toilet training with asd kids is harsh, am not looking forward to it either. Am hoping this small wave of grief and frustration passes quickly and am sending a hug and pixie dust xxx

Sending you hugs

We have been toilet training dd2 (4.5) since the start of the holidays, she started so well but now has come to a stand still , she is dry at home and will take herself to the potty or toilet but as soon as i take her out the door she's wet again. We are also having problems with poo, she holds on to it and often soils herself. I was so sure she would be out of nappies by september (to start school) but now i am unsure. Her communication is so poor and she wont ask to go to the loo.

The past few days have been hard as dd2's Autism has become so much more noticable, she's no longer the cute little girl that doesn't talk (most people just thought she was shy), it now feels like she is a Autistic child that shouts random things in public and ignores everyone. Its becoming more noticable to other people that dd2 is not a nt child and i'm so worried about how people/children will see her when she starts school.

Sory for moaning too .

Lets hope things get easier xxxxx

I know the feeling. Ds wasn't trained till 5 but he's still wet at night.

I can live with that but the older he gets, the more noticeable it is that he's not NT.
He is obviously mentally younger and the stimming is becoming more noticeable.

Eloise thanks, your kind post brought tears to my eyes. I'm hoping this passes too, hopefully I will wake up in a better mood!

That's okay Marne, I'm a great believer in getting it all off your chest! My DS's school have been great with him not being toilet trained so don't worry too much, I really do think it is something they do when they are ready.

I was saying to my mum yesterday that children seem to notice DS and different and the mean ones instantly target him - I really worry for him sometimes.

He has never wet himself, he trained amazingly well for wees, has never wet the bed, etc but poos are a different matter - I have tried EVERYTHING [frustrated]

I have nothing to add but an unmumsnetty ((hug)). Hope tomorrow is a bit better for you.

cross posted personalclown - I used to childmind a boy aged 11 who used to wet at night and he did eventually grow out of it.

It's hard isn't it? Our dcs are amazing and we love them but there is no denying they are different and will always need some support along the way.

{un-mnetty hugs all round}

same as catski.
Hope you are ok-moan away

x-posted again!

thanks everyone for your replies - I love the SN board on here, I don't know anyone in RL in a smilar situation and as much as people try to help they tend to not get it.

Oh I so sympathise with you - we are just (whispers, crosses all available fingers) coming out of this stage but still have mishaps now and again. It grinds you down, it really does. At 5 DS2 was still in nappies - school were great and have been through the two years it has taken him to become toilet-trained (which he is 99% in school). It must he particularly difficult if your DS looks older than his real age.

I know it's no comfort, but both of mine were still in nappies at that age - and smearing it up the bloody walls, and in ds1 case, all over his face too

One day, ds2 took his nappy off and threw it across the room and never wore another one! ds1 followed shortly thereafter, although he still poos in his pants several nights a week but refuses to wear any sort of pad.

But hey! it's progress I thought would never come! So never give up hope. xx

BUMP !. dd4 is 5 now and starts school tomorrow , in pull ups . We tried really hard to get her potty trained by now , but she just doesnt get it...nice to know they get there in the end

It really is hard going, especially when people start noticing.

DS2 stopped using nappies a month before he was 4 and the amount of "friendly" advice I got off people who didn't know us was unreal. I even once got called a lazy parent by one of the stuck up bitches at ds2's school .

And LOR, If you can't moan amongst those who understand, where can you moan?

SN board feels like the safest place at the moment 5inthebed, I often end up retreating to this board only but MN seems to have hit an all new low in terms of SN bashing IMO.

The sun is shining here today so me and DS are off out visiting and then to the park, hopefully a good day all round.

Thanks again everyone who replied, speaking to others who understand through their own experiences helps hugely!

TLOR - look at the treating autism website - maybe his constipation etc are caused by not being able to process with casein /gluten (the protein in milk and wheat i think) etc with result that he does not have control

www.treatingautism.co.uk

I always retreat here as well.

Glad you're feeling a bit better today. Enjoy the sun :)

Oh this is just what i needed to read today. After a pretty good start at the beginning of the holidays when i really convinced myswelf DS would be out of nappies soon, he has completely refused now to have anything to do with it. He wants nappies and not pants and will not even entertain the idea of using the potty or the toilet.Have been in floods of tears again today that he just doesn't 'get it' IYKWIM.

Its good to know I'm not the only one.

You have my full sympathy.

DS1 has been "training" for 4 years, since he was 2.5. It's little baby steps, then he regresses. He's dry one day, then soaks every pull up the next. One day, he'll proudly poo in the toilet, the next he'll shit in his pull up and sit in it until it leaks and someone detects it by scent. There's so much emotional baggage for him regarding using the toilet that we have to simply stand back and let him get on with it, with occasional high value (to him) bribes to encourage him.

DS2 (4.3), meanwhile, has recently discovered that when he gets a certain sensation, there is wee in his nappy. So, he strops off, completely and shows me. That's all wonderful, but if he does it when I'm otherwise occupied, like about to serve tea, or on the loo, myself, he often ends up dumping the wet nappy upside down on the sofa or doing another wee before I get to him. We've also had no success in teaching him to see on the toilet, since he just starts messing around flushing it and we've had to chuck his potty, since he's just plain too big for it. In fact, if anyone can recommend a potty for a quite large 4 year old boy with a willy that doesn't tuck in behind the little splash guard at all, I want to know all about it, please!!!

um, strips, pee. That's what I get for typing with an eye on DS1 on his computer! And why on earth doesn't mn have an edit facility?!

I'm with you. Ds is almost 4 & was dry/clean last Christmas, then again a few months later & again at the beginning of the summer. Each time we've had a regression.

In the last 3 days we've had 5 poo-smearing episodes (huge amounts of poo), that has never happened before.I have no idea why or what to do about it - he's still using the potty to wee. Last week he was asking for the potty when he needed a poo, recently he's just been asking for a shower when he appears caked head to toe in shit. I worry that he'll stop weeing in the potty/loo if I just put him back in pull ups.

Huge sympathy here for everyone in this position.

Although ds(8) can go to the toilet, in the past 3 weeks he has decided that he'd rather pee on our bed, his bed and his sister's bed. Thankfully it hasn't happened in the last few days and I am hoping it has stopped. Like phlebas, I have no idea why and am afraid if I lock all the bedroom doors, he'd pee on the sofa.

Sorry you're feeling like this. I know what you mean when sometimes it just all gets to much. I have been in and out of tears all week. I feel that DS1 (3.9) is closer than ever to being toilet trained, can clearly "hold it" for some time, knows when he wants to as he can and has 'asked' (non-verbal) for a nappy. But he hates pants and WILL NOT go on the toilet.

I read somewhere that it wasn't worth using a potty as it just meant you'd probably have to train twice but now wondering whether I should have. I have no idea why he doesn't like the toilet, we've never been coy about it and I don't know where to go from here. Thankfully have just got a referral to psychology so hoping they have some thoughts.

Have felt in the need of hugs recently so happy to pass a few on as well!!

LifeofRiley - :( I know the feeling. Most of the time I carry on being gently encouraging and patient every time I change DS(3.10)'s pull up, calling it "toilet time" and going through the process over and over and over, even though it has been weeeeeeeeks, no probably moooooonths since he last actually sat himself down on the toilet or potty for even a nanosecond. But I am saddened and despairing just like you because it feels like they will never ever "get there when they're ready" as all other parents tell us.Then out of nowhere, he'll do something jaw-dropping like he did about 3 weeks ago when we were in a pub having dinner with some friends (and their much younger, potty trained child!) and he came to the toilet and did a stand up wee! Just to give a glimmer of hope it's going to happen one day. It will! Guess we have to plug away, patiently and then rant away when we need to!

And am I the only fool who's been spending a fortune on rewards, as in 'reward bleeding charts', only for DS to keep his uneven pattern of 2 days fine, day 3 - poopy pants?

It's comforting to know I am not the only parent struggling with this, I'm sad there are so many of us but at least we know it is not due to anything we have or haven't done (the amount of 'advice' I get about getting DS to poo in the toilet from people is unbelieveable and all it does is leave me feeling maternally guilty and inadequate).

know how you feel, ive been trying 36years to toilet train my son with GDD he is still in pads and doubley incontinent ,always wet and poo trousers and sheets.

myra