attatchment disorder

[babybear5]

Hi there..I am new to mumsnet so i am hoping you will all bare with me. I am trying to find out about attatchment disorder. I have a 9 year old who has global developmental delay with no diagnosis of anything. She was adopted by us when she was 2and half and after asking for help with what i felt was a declining relationship social services got involved (long story..but not detremental to child). They say it is emotional abuse and i am now going down the road of attachment disorder but would love to hear from anyone who has knowledge or understanding of this.

Hi Starlight...the case is a bit complicated. It is my husband and i that they are suggesting are not meeting our daughters emotional needs. Our relationship with her started to break down about 4 years ago but with her needs and her getting older it is more noticeable now. I went to health visitor for help, then social work,school etc where involved and this has been the outcome so far. What they dont understand is that she has had several carers and then started school which was a small, very loving school with more caregivers, so a lot of change. I spoke to nspcc who suggested a look at attachment disorder which when reading into it is our daughter to tee..but may grasping at straws now!

hi Babybear5
yep-i agree with StarlightMckenzie
i heard about this attatchment disorder about 8 or 9 years ago-and i think it was more of a american idea.
and tbh at the time quite a few people with autistic children was really peed off as they was feeling that it was just another excuse not to aknowledge autism.
at the time i felt like this was just another thing along the lines of "refridgerator mothers"!
i havent heard no more on this for the last few years though so im not sure how its seen now.
good luck.

hi babybear, i am a foster carer so have had many children with ad. you will have to ask about your daughters early months and if her needs were met then. if her baby needs were not consistantly met then it may be ad.

It is a very difficult thing for some children to overcome and can take many many years.

try looking at the work of Dan Hughes for more info.

And good luck, you are a good parent for looking for answers.

Hi babybear5 - sorry but don't necessarily agree with the other posters. And certainly don't think attachment disorder can be reversed.

I would try posting on the message boards on www.adoptionuk.com for some more support.

Good luck

Hi Sumum, Thank you for that. Sometimes you just need to hear from someone else that you are not all bad. I will check out Dan Hughes....

Hi loflo..thank you. I was beginning to wonder if i was hitting on something that wasn't there, but i do believe like you and sumum that it does and can take a while to figure it all out. i will try the link you have given. Thanks again

I can see where you are coming from and i do understand that this is often just a 'label' for some children. At the moment we are having some complex behavioural problems..well more emotional really in that she is completely rejecting us as her parents at the moment, for no reason that we can find. She has many complex learning difficulties which no-one can put a name to and we, as her parents (and parents to 4 other birth children) are trying to find answers in order to try to help us all as a family. I would be grateful for any suggestions on this at all, altho i know it is difficult without ever meeting a child

At the moment she has only seen those linked to school..Ed phsy, a link worker and then when i contacted my health visitor for a chat we were appointed a social worker who went to her manager and she is the one who has 'accused us' We are now going to attend a multi disciplinary meeting and i want to go in 'armed' as i know i would never intentionally hurt any of my children. She has never been assessed by mental health face to face but CAMHS have turned us down for any family therapy as 'things have gone to far'! How they can tell i don't know. Im am going to my GP in the morning to try a different route.

It's very sad but some babies are neglected as infants and they have noone to bond with and this actually damages their brain so they can end up with all kinds of presenting problems.

I have one with mild problems, unable to make friends and insecure and another one at the very worse end resulting in many problems inc gdd, speech delay, learning disability and very challenging attention seeking behavour ( he will be statemented and will need help all through school)

Early good care of infants is vital, that why I have a tiny 3 day old foster baby in my arms right now and she has been there since she arrived at lunch time today and will be in arms for many days to come.

Starlight i do think these kids are capable of making good relationships and overcoming their problems, good support of the family and proper help from camhs ect can be life changing, and their brains can rebuild the conections that are missing. If i didn't believe that we would have to write off many children and that is unthinkable. my lo is making progress (slow) all the time, and that is awsome.

however that is not to underestimate how much of a challenge some of these children are and how they have been programmed to disrupt relationships.

It sounds like you have been given very little support babybear and that is really not fair on your family or daughter.

You do need to get your dd assessed properly as starlight says it could be another issue altogether, and even if it is AD she needs proper help and intervention as there are things that can help.

It is tough starlight and there is very little help out there for people like us. Sumum you seem to have a child similar to my daughter. She has gdd,learning disabilities, speech delay and attention seeking behaviour which has all magnified as she gets older. She is also in special school with one to one all day every day. She was put into foster care with my own mother when she was 3 days old which is confusing the attachment thingy. I admire you so much for what you do...keep up the good work.

Does anyone know...is referral to CAMHS only through gp etc or can it be self referral. I have emailed so many different people for help on where to turn with the social services issue but having no joy...it all seems so confused now.

hum - in a good loving home at 3 days, very different to my lo who was abused in every way, neglected and starved and was totally ferel for 2 and 1/2 years. It may be your daughter has a degree of AD but given her history i would be looking at other conditions first. she needs a proper assessment by a peadiatrition and camhs.

Blaming you is a cop out imo, you need support and help and someone to listen and believe you.

Thanks guys...I just meant starlight that we don't really fall into any category at the moment. We have 4 other children, apart from medical profession with appointments etc, had no contact with social services since the adoption so we kinda feel that they don't know what to do with us because i took myself into ask for help...does that make sense?

Hi maryz..thank you, i have posted briefly there but not sure if i making much sense anymore. It is good to hear your thoughts because you are voicing what people think when it comes to my other children...that is exactly what they think...as 3 of them came after my daughter they assume we are just fed up with her now...We really do want to fix it because she is entitled to a good life to

babybear you have done a wonderful thing adopting this little girl whom you have obviously loved for a very long time.
I do hope you get some answers and the necessary help you all need.

thank you starlight..i appreciate your help and i do agree that having independant advice will be required if like you say it will be needed in defence.