GOODBYE

[kerry0115]

feel ive got post i found out 2 days ago its highly likely my 3 yr old has asd,im feeling sensetive as i take it all in (even though its something i thought he had).i posted on here about having put him bk in nappies through constantly wetting,replies was critical that ive made him take step backwards,this really upset me as i was hoping i could get some support from others experiencing simular problems dont think ill be on this site again

Kerry - very sorry you had such negative replies. Was it on this SN board? We're not normally critical (although some of the other boards can be)

It is terribly hard when you first get a diagnosis. All of us have been there, and it is a terrible time.

Putting a child who wets all the time in nappies sounds perfectly sensible to me.

Lots and lots of people here are experiencing the same as you. Lots and lots with 'big' children in nappies.

Please stay.... I'm sure it was just bad luck and you'll get more support from now on.

That wasnt on the SN board was it Kerry?

Kerry...I don't remember seeing your post, but I have had to put my ds (4yo) back in full-time nappies. He was soiling pretty much constantly then began wetting too. He has an impacted bowel and suffers with chronic constipation.

I was told my a few professions not to put him back in nappies but it's easy for them to say when they are not dealing with it 24/7. I fought it as long as i could but I really had little choice, so I can understand.

Kerry, being told your child might have ASD is a hard hard thing to hear.

I can still remember when we were told about DS2, it was 22nd December 2007 and DH couldn't make the appointment because o work commitments. I told him the news while shopping for slippers in M&S for my FIL.

Putting him back into nappies is probably a good idea if he isn't coping/wetting himself all the tim. My DS2 was in nappies up untila month before he was 4, other people on the Sn have a lot older children still in nappies. None of us feel ashamed about it and none of us will give you negative comments about it.

Stay on th SN boards and talk to us about anything you want to.

Kerry, I think you are overthinking Having searched for your post, you got two replies, both of which gave their perspective on their children.

You are there everyday with your DS. Only you know if he needs to go back to nappies.

If you want genuine support, stay. You won't get fluff and cuddles, although there are times when hugs are given, but they are rationed

This is a fantastic place to get support. But it will be genuine support, which sometimes means hearing stuff that doesn't make you comfortable.

If you want nods and 'there there's', go to Netmums or babycentre. If you want real support, real advice, and real experiences, stay. Muck in and get to know us all. Mad as hatters but full of life.

just upset me as im struggling with him as single parent of 5 ,all i wanted no was if any other parents had been through same, didnt expect critism,felt like ive made him go backwards ,i tried keep him in pants but the lack of routine has really threw him and other than having him having his major tantrums every time he wets ,only option was bk to nappies .didnt think i was doing that much wrong

You wouldn't have made him go backwards, you're helping him cope, especially if he is having a meltdown when he wets himself.

Only you know your DS and if you think he needed to go back into nappies then you're probably right!

There is a thread on here somewhere which I will find for you with other parents attmepting to toilet train their children with SN. Might be helpful for you.

Here you go

Honestly, you didn't get criticism. You got two parents saying that for their children, it wasn't the right decision to go back to nappies.

My daughter was dry at night shortly after becoming dry in the day time, for around 4 months. Suddenly, she lost her night time bladder control. Don't know why, but she did. She wears a pull-up to bed. I frankly don't care what people think of that. She is not ready.

Perhaps you need to start another thread?

Sorry if you thought my comments were negative....they werent meant to be. :(

I only meant to say my DD was almost 4....much older.. before we managed to be in pants and we personally were trying not to go back to pullups now as shes nearly 5, due to start school...even though we are struggling with the same issues due to a stressfull period. I didnt mean to offend only offer sympathy/support as we have been through this at the same age. It was a long and stressfull battle, constipation, poo smearing, holding it in, infection...a trip to the hospital. We tried...and failed to train her several times...she wasnt ready. I really did mean it when I said good luck.

HUGS

I feel awfull now.....Ill stop posting if im scaring mums away! :(

Aw Kerry I've just read the thread, and I really don't think anyone meant any criticism of you. Just giving their own experiences.

Please don't leave because of this. Having your beloved child diagnosed with sn is just the worst thing, and I think we all need support - and people on this board are brilliant.

I'm also just starting on the journey of having a ds diagnosed with asd (we think) and have found this board totally invaluable, and I know I'll probably need it more and more over the coming months/years. Everyone here knows where you're coming from and how you feel - much more than people in rl who just don't get it.

By the way, my ds is 3.4 and hasn't even come out of nappies at all yet, so you're doing something right by getting him out of them in the first place!

Oh well, everyone is lovely except for that scary woolytree of course

Wooly, don't you stop posting either!

woolytree, don't be daft! What you said was perfectly reasonable, the OP just took it as a criticism of her decision, which is very easy if you are feeling sensitive.

Are you new or namechange? There are lots of posting names I don't recognise at the moment

we've taken the decision over and over again not to put ds1 (8) back into pull-ups during the day. it's not easy - we do a lot of laundry and i am forever cross with school who don't appear to notice that he's soaking wet and stinking, despite the fact i can see it across the playground as he gets out of the door.

we have however taken the decision to put him back into pull-ups twice at night (and have no intention of removing them currently).

i think on this board you get honest responses about what works for individual poster's children - and support whilst you work out what to do for the best with your individual child.

a new dx makes the world a threatening place, but do try and hang around? maybe read some of the other continence threads and you'll see that there are lots of different experiences to draw upon to help you decide?

none of our kids are identikit.

Exactly.

I think we're all used to be unfairly judged in real life to some degree and so I think that it's unlikely to happen on this board.

You've got a kid with SN and four others on your own. Personally, I think you need a medal!!

My boy (asd/adhd and 5 nearly 6) isn't dry at night, in fact he's never had a dry nappy in the morning. He's not bothered about wearing pull ups and I'm keen to keep his sleep pattern going!!!

I think putting your back in nappies seems perfectly reasonable.

I'm one of those with a bigger kid still in nappies - she is 8.

Kerry, you have to do what you think is right for the time. People will always give opinions but you do not have to act on them. Listen only to the advice that you feel fits in with your situation.

I have a few friends with children who needed nappies/pullups until secondary school. There is no 'right age' - just the age at which a child's brain/body decides it can cope with life without nappies.
Stay. Have a cuppa. There's good people here, and some eccentric ones on the autism spectrum like me.

my 3.9 year old hasn't been out of nappies yet, if he has been temporarily you are doing better than me!!

thanks for replys havin hard time at mo as every day ive been out someone has gave horrid comment about him,think the toileting post on here got to much for me,ill try come bk on in few days/weeks, just need to get used to asd .

this is the BEST place to get used to it, we are all going through the same thing!

Glad your back. :) Ill be a blubbering wreck next week as my DD goes to combined clinic for assesment....a maybe dx. Ive seen so many poss dx now my heads spinning....ASD/AS/HFA/SPD...:( Im a nervous wreck...and am ashamed to say we havent left the house since tuesday when dh took us out. Im using the weather as an excuse but to be honest its easier to cope with her at home. DH works 70 hours, lots of nights so Im mainly here on my own.

So when your ready Kerry we are at a similar place with dx etc be interesting to compare notes. Hope your ok. x

Kerry I am so sorry this was missed.

I ahve two boys with ASD, and I regualrly take steps abck with ds3, including popping him in nappies every now and again. And you know what? I don't care less if anyone thinks its right or wrong, my duty is to my son and not some random people who never met him.

I have a cope of quite possibly the best book on ASD toilet training, that I am willing to post for a lend, and be kind to yourself: even when you know your child has ASD it's a horrid, cruel time.

Oh and wooly

firstly have you got a basic breakdown of the differences between the titles? that can help!

SPD_ language disorder, some think to be ojn spectrum.

AS: meets triad of impairments, no significant langugae delay at 3, IQ of averaghe plus range (that can be around 65 but varies )

HFA: as above but with significant language delay at 3

Autism: As hfa but IQ under 65

ASD: any of the above (spd debatably, but with pdd-nos included)

Sometimes I find a reductionist approach makes things less scary.

Take care and good luck

X