fed up with parents of nt kids moaning

[sumum]

have seen thread on other board where parents are asking if they should be annoyed because their 5year old got level 2b in end of year report and seems to not listen. I mean really that is the level they should get at end of year 2 so why the worry. if my ds got that at seven I would be happy.

Also there was another thread with irrate mother that was upset her dc wasn't in the same class as her friend. How i wish that was all I had to worry about when it comes to class moves. Three meetings with school later and I am still worried how the transition will go in sept.

I know other parents worries are still worries to them but it just makes me and and a little

I worry as much about my NT two as I do about my ASD 1, it's just different worries. And to some on this board, DS1's issues are probably trivial and shouldn't be moaned about.

I do understand what you are saying, but we all worry and we all want the best for our kids.

It's perfectly understandable

I have become immune to certain things, such as "AIBU to think my baby aged six months should be sleeping through" although I still reserve a for those whinging about babies aged six weeks.

I worry just as much about my NT child as I do my non-NT child. Other people love their children just as much as you love yours, and with love comes anxiety.

And I agree that to some people on this board, I don't know I'm born when it comes to worry. Ds1 has ASD and ADHD, but for now he is bright and compliant (when the instruction sinks in) and not appalling to teach, and I should be grateful. I only have blips, like when the teacher decided to pretend to the class that they were having a day trip to Spain and my 6 year old didn't sleep for a week and had to be reassured every 20 minutes that it was only pretending, not really going to Spain, no, we aren't going out of the country or even out of the school, the suitcase is for pretending with etc etc..... people with communicative children with ASD will understand! But compared to spme of the utter meltdowns people talk about here, it's nothing, nothing at all.

As colditz says really.

I've got 2 with asd but my worries about ds2 / ds4 are just as valid to me. I alsow ant them all to achieve their ability levels so I might worry if I thought bthey were underachieving (well ds2 is, dyslexia / mild dyspraxia)

And when ds2 was separated from his friends at school and put in with the class bully it led to bullying and quite nasty term time behavioural issues at home, simply becuase he was having so much trouble at school.

Of course sometimes we about otehr issues as in a 'wish that was all I ahd to worry about kinda way' (child won't eat 5 a day? here take my son's severe eating disorders instead) but relaity is that we all worry about our kids, NT or SN, and are right to want teh best for them.

ANyway how many cases of SN were picked up by aprents of apparenly NT kids worrying despite being told all was OK by HV / school and pursuing it?

I know IABU but it's how I am feeling right now. The end of year reports and transitions are so stressful. And tbh I am probably a little envious of them

But I did not worry this much about my two older nt dds. End of the school year was always a happy time. Didn't and still don't worry much about them and they are doing fine.

But with my ds and my two fc its one worry after another and meeting after meeting.

Infact i better go and tidy up now have a meeting with camhs in half hour!

It is hard reading some of the things people worry about, but at the same time those who don't have a child with SN don't know any different. Having a child SN or NT, can be stressful and it is sometimes helpful to moan about it regardless of what that worry will be.

I've got two NT DC and a SN DS and I worry about them all the same. It's hard seperating yourself from the two sometimes though.

What's really pathetic about me is that my really bad worries, the ones that bring about panic and anxiety, are about DS having a cold, or a sore throat - same as before we realized he had ASD.
My ASD-related worries I actually deal with much better than the non-ASD related ones, somehow. Maybe a displacement thing?

sumum I do know what you mean, and I experience the same kind of envy, but I agree that people worry about their DC regardless of what issues they may face (and regardless of whether said issues might be considered trivial to others).

I am in a very very similar situation to colditz. In the SN context, I don't know I'm born either. Yes, I have a 6 year old ASD child, yes he has some difficulties at school, yes reading reports on him make me cry, yes I worry myself sick about his future, yes I'd love to be worried that he 'only' achieved the national average (I will be THRILLED if he ever achieves the national average ) and yes it would be fab if all I had to worry about was whether his best friend was going to be in his class next year...

But having said all that I have a pretty sunny-natured, happy little boy who kind of quite likes school and has no real anxiety issues (at the moment anyway) and just a few quirks. He probably does cause me less anxiety in many ways than a highly-strung academically capable NT child might do. And in other ways causes me far more.

So I can kind of see both sides, but do really sympathise with where you are coming from. I don't really have any other parenting experience to compare it to as DS2 is only a baby so no idea which 'way' he is going to go!

I sympathise. As I only have the one child who has SN, I don't really have anything else to compare it to, so probably find it hard to put myself into the moaning parent to NT kids position. I am sure if DS was NT I would have found something to worry myself sick about, it's in my nature unfortunately, and I guess those who moan about trivial stuff either have the same personality type as me, so are genuinely, even if not always 100% justifiably upset/concerned or are covertly boasting .

Although DS SN are relatively mild and he is v. healthy, I am absolutely terrified as to what the future holds for him, and whether he will be able to live and/or work independently.

Sumum - it was my thread about dd and I'm sorry it upset you.

I have just had ds assessed for ASD so I know where you are coming from. I have spent the entire year struggling with him having no friends and never being invited anywhere and other behavioural issues.

Because of ds, I am slightly paranoid about indicators that anything may be wrong and worry that I have focused on him so much I have overlooked dd. I did not mention this on the other thread as I wanted an objective view.

Again, I am sorry if it caused upset. I can understand why.

Like TC, I only have one child who has SN. He is HF though and wasn't dxd until age 9. In his early years, he seemed NT (well I didn't recognise his quirks as symptoms, as they didn't impede him so much back then).

I have to say I'd always been a much more laid-back mum and only had a vague idea of targets/milestones back then. I wonder if I'd been more of a worrier, whether I would have recognised difficult issues more quickly or if he could have had earlier intervention. I've made up for it all now, with enough worrying in the past few years to make up for it!

If I had another child, I'd probably be far more anxious now I know what to look out for.

perhaps I'm odd - I don't worry about my NT child(ren - assuming dd2 is also NT) as much as my ds. Nowhere near as much.

They are bright and able, I know they will have good lives regardless of whether they get a 2a/b/c/d whatever at the end of the year.

I don't equate amount of love with degree of worry - I worry more about ds because he faces greater challenges not because I love him more. It will be far harder for him to have the life which my NT kids will achieve without much effort (friends/job/family). Since ds' diagnosis I've become very good at not sweating the small stuff - if I worried about the other two with the same intensity I worry about him I'd be unable to function.

I've been thinking about this thread since I last posted, and I probably do worry more about ds2 than I do with DS1, but that is because DS1 is such a good child. He's never been one for tantrums, always done good at school (got all 3s on his SATS) and a general all round good boy. I do worry about bullying though, as he is not as "grown up" as some of the 7 year olds I know and has ginger hair.

DS2 has autism and I worry about everything with him. Is he eating enough at school, will his 1:1 be taken away from him, will he escapee out of school if his 1:1s back is turned, are his peers ignoring him....the list is endless.

You could make yourself sick with all the things we need to worry about!

in some ways I do understand I worry about ds3 who has Sn but then compare him to lit on this and another forum I think well ok U not got lit to moan about . Then I get slap in the face Reading Ot physioand then ds is below 1% compared to normal dc

but then I worry. About my other dc to but sometimes do have rein myself in when hear people saying my 18 month old only has 50 words

Yeah I know what you mean. I don't worry nearly as much about NT ds2 and ds3 (love them all the same, but certainly don't worry about them in the same way whilst they're on target to grow up and live independent lives of their own choosing and don't need me to stay alive to ensure they have a fulfilling and active life).

I just keep away from it. It does have advantages - I have an NT child just finishing year 3 and one just finishing reception and I have absolutely no idea what a level 2b means or represents and no inclination to find out (means the conversations go over my head as well so they don't irritate me as much - lol)

oh phlebas said the same as me - hadn't spotted that.

although I understand what goosey is saying. I have vague concerns about ds3 and dyslexia which I probably wouldn't have noticed without ds1. But I don't worry about that to be honest, other than in a 'hmm better keep an eye and try a few things' type way. If I didn't have ds1 I suspect I would worry a lot more about the possibility of dyslexia whereas in the context of ds1 it falls into the pain in the arse and something else to be dealt with category.

Hi goosey, Thanks for your comments and I| hope you are not upset by this thread, I was not upset more burnt out from all the fighting at school and prob at a summer born child doing well on the nc levels. I tell myself that my ds is bound to be behind as he is august born, but I know really its more than that.

I can understand why you didn't mention your ds in your post too.

I guess all mums worry whatever circunstances they find themselves in.

There is lots of good advice on your thread so I hope you have been helped.

And it just goes to show you can make hasty judgments if you don't have all the facts.

Sorry goosey.

I think what I worry about with dd is that she has been overlooked and that somehow I have never really sat back and focused on her needs - I have just assumed that she was OK. Although I do feel angry at her, I think I am really angry at me for failing her and for being too preoccupied with her brother.

I also feel the need to explain that, at the moment, I attach little value to accademic achievement. Ds's results are fab - he got 3s in all his Yr 2 SATs, but he still does not get invited to parties or know not to run away with the ball in football and regularly gets battered by the other kids. Hence dd's 2bs mean little to me - I am much more focused on whether she is a "normal" child and hyper alert to indications that she might not be.

Just to say that the people on this board have always been lovely when I have expressed concerns about ds (which are small in the grand scheme of things) and I really do appreciate that many people have many more serious things to worry about in life to worry about than comments such as those on dd's report.

Sumum - not at all upset by you, no need to apologise.

As I say, my issues are not great but to a degree, I genuinely get where you must be coming from and how hard it must be.

it1s not the samle i know but i know what you mean. In Morrisons today ds2 was doing very well but had to have a bit of a tidy up at the checkout and i had a death grip on him,packing my shopping and struggling with purse and the checkout assisitant just sat there moaning away. I worry about ds1 just as much but the physical demands of ds2 are so much more

I think the thing is that kids vary so much

DS3 just made national average in NC reports but has such severe anxiety / langugae issues / compulsions / social isues that he will always need a carer and has zero chance of independence.

All these things are snapshots of somoenes life and tells you very l;ittle, it could well be the only bright thing that happened to them this week due to their failing marriage / terminally ill parents / dom,estic violence / breast lump scare / redundancy and house repossession.

Personally the only things that scare me with ds3 are the EEG he is due next month, and the fact he will need lifelong care becuase I have witnessed poor standards (and high) in the past.

With ds1 it's the aggression: I am pretty broke but would lay a tenner on him doing a stretch either behind bars or in a psych unit at some stage.

And when I am happier those worries are things I deal with; when I am tired (they both need night supervision and I am still BF my youngest) or things have gone badly elsewhere they play on my mind mroe- alst year for example we lost opur income when DH was amde redundant: that pushed our stress levels up through the roof, and amde it all- in particular the powerlessness- seem worse. I was invovled in quite a few MN barneys at the time becuase of it all.

And there are trigger areas for other things too- I can deal with ds1's eating disorder even though rarely it can be fatal becuase i've been there too and survived it so it's in my sphere of understanding: the aggression and ds3's EEG threw me far further as they were outside my remit as it were.

I think its rare otehr peopels wories stand alone tbhy

BUT I also think that following a DX or when a child is at particular risk then it is normal to feel like the OP and there may be a case for stayng within SN on here or even looking at SKITUK for a bit, self protection sorta thing.

Even on SN there is a wide field of variation and there are kids who may die and kids who have a chance of independence, so it's important that we learn to cope as total hiding is impossible. But it is a learning process, one I am many years into now (and twice over) and only just becoming able to look back and recognise.