How do I protect my 4 year old son from permanent exclusion?

[strugglingparent1]

We're in a predicament at the moment and we really need advice, so I'm grateful for every suggestion.

I have posted on this forum before in regards to our 4 year old son.

This is my previous post: Son (reception class) suspended for 2.5 days | Mumsnet

I have considered posting this on the general Chat forum for a wider response, but I already feel very vulnerable and I'm also pregnant and I'm crying a lot, so I don't want to expose myself to unhelp comments or comments that attack our parenting.

Our son has been suspended from school (reception class) 4 times in the last two months now.

These suspensions were based on throwing stuff and hitting other children or adults during meltdowns.

These behaviours were due to meltdowns triggered by having to stop one activity and start another and children throwing over towers that he was building.

Our son is on the SEND register and in a week's time I have an appointment with a clinical psychologist to start a private assessment for autism (which will cost us 1900 pounds).

I have also applied for an EHCA recently - this is also something the school has never mentioned to me as a possibility.

There is a clear breakdown in the relationship between school and our family.

We're very unhappy how the school is acting.

For instance: On Monday, May 19th, my husband and I had a meeting with the headteacher. In this meeting, we came to an agreement with the headteacher that the school would call me to come in and calm my son down once he becomes dysregulated ( I work from home and could do this although this would have an effect on my work). This was something that I suggested to the headteacher and he was happy about it.

On Thursday, 22nd of May, I was informed by the headteacher and the sendco that my son had a 2 hour period of being dysregulated, which eventually ended with him hurting staff and children by throwing things and him receiving a suspension of 4.5 days ( his previous suspensions were 2.5 days, 2.5 days and 3 days).

When I asked the school why they didn't call me at the beginning of his dysregulation as we agreed on, I was told that they couldn't as neither the headteacher or deputy headteacher were in to make that decision).

Furthermore, during the meeting they showed me 2 videos. The headteacher said that they had the Ipad in the playground anyway as they were recording some sort of event. However, I noticed that the camera was deliberately zooming in on my son.

1. The first video showed my son sitting alone, very upset, close to tears. There was no adult that supported him emotionally when he was upset. He then got up and started throwing things angrily. According to the SENDco, this was because my son didn't want to tidy up and come in after playing.

2. The second video showed thrown over chairs and pens lying on the classroom floor and someone whispering "Oh my God" in the background of the video. The video then zoomed in on my son, holding his hand up with something in his hand and then the video stopped

We're very unhappy that those videos of my son during a meltdown were made without our consent. There was also no need to make them, especially considering that there is CCTV in the playground anyway. We're also concerned why there was no adult to support him.

My son shows problems at home or in the holiday club in his old nursery, but my husband and I and the nursery staff are always able to calm him down before things escalate.

The headteacher also said very unhelpful things about my son last year, like "He is the most extreme child I have seen in the last 30 years of his career".

My son, despite his outbursts and meltdowns, is actually a very sweet and sensitive child. He's clever, enjoys reading, is good at counting and is actually quite social and chatty with other children when he doesn't have a meltdown.

He however has great problems transitioning between activities. He also shows signs of stress like eating dust or fluff, excessively biting his finger nails and he regressed in his toilet training. He used to be perfectly toilet trained, but over the last two months he started daytime wetting himself.

There has been an educational psychologist in school recently on one day to observe my son.When I asked the SENDco in the last suspension meeting what the psychologist observed, she kind of brushed over it and said that the psychologist observed some differences but they weren't too big. She then made a point out of emphasizing how the psychologist said how great the school is already doing with their existing support. When I mentioned to the SENDco that the psychologist observed my son during a state of calm, she said those psychologists are so highly trained that they can assess a child even when they are calm and regulated.

The headteacher pretends to care now and says things like "At the heart of this is a little boy who is dysregulated, struggles and needs help".

The SENDco also said that everyone just wants the best for my son.

The headteacher asked for my permission to refer us to Early Help as this could unlock further support (while mentioning to me that this was suggested during a team call with the exclusions team, in which they were told that school should try to keep children in school as long as possible).

But I think this is all just false pretenses.

The school is clearly ramping up the suspensions with the goal of permanently excluding my son.

I want to help my son, I want to support him. I have applied for an EHCA and we will pay 1900 pounds for a private assessment.

We have also paid a solicitor to challenge the school suspensions and these representations were sent off to the school a week ago.

It is clear to us that he cannot stay at this school. They are either unable or unwilling to give him the support he needs.

The headteacher always says there is no money for 1:1 support and that Birmingham City Council ( this is where we live) is bankrupt.

But I also think there is an element of not wanting to give my son the support he needs.

On paper, the school can prove they made adjustments for him like giving him warnings before transitions, giving him access to a tent in an empty classroom, rewarding him for good behavior, using a visual timetable.....

So I have the strong belief that a permanent exclusion would be signed off by the exclusions board.

The problem is - I have to keep him in school for now so that he is still in the system. If we remove him now, he might receive less support as he "vanishes" from the system.

I'm really concerned however that over the next coming weeks he will be permanently excluded due to his behaviour.

I don't want a permanent exclusion to be stuck to his name at such a young age. I know that my son can and will thrive in the right environment and I want to support him as best as I can.

So my question is - would you pull him out of the school to avoid a permanent exclusion? I suggested it to my husband, but he was absolutely against it.

He said that we have to keep him in the school for now to "work the system", but I am really scared that he will be permanently excluded leading up to the summer holidays. I don't want this to happen to him.

He will only be of compulsory school age in September, so it would also affect us, as I would have to look after him during the day. We don't have any family nearby to support us.

Please can anyone advise me on the best course of action. I've been very emotional and crying a lot. I have talked to IPSEA and they have given me good advice. But I still feel so helpless.

I don't even know how to approach other schools to ask them if they would have capacity and would be able to accommodate with his support needs.

I also want to emphasize that I don't condone my son's behaviour and the effect it has on staff and on the other children.

But as his mother I always want the best for him and I want to protect him.

No, I absolutely would not deregister. If you do that, the LA has no incentive to agree to assess, agree to issue or issue with anywhere near the level of support required. This is because the LA knows some parents who are EHEing will just continue to EHE rather than appeal, which is cheaper for the LA. As crude as it is, at the moment, you are someone’s ‘problem’. If you EHE, it is easier for others to sweep DS’s needs under the carpet.

Other than the few bits you mention, what support is the school providing? If your LA has a specialist teaching service, have they asked for advice from them? What support did the EP recommend? Did you receive the report from the ed psych? Has the school put this into practice? If not, contact them directly and consider making a subject access request to them and the school.

Don’t worry about the LA’s finances. LAs don’t go bankrupt in the same way as a member of the general public does. They can’t be declared bankrupt like the general public can be. Rather than bankruptcy, it is a section 114 notice. Filing a section 114 doesn’t relieve them of their statutory duties. So, support in EHCPs must still be provided. That includes 1:1 if it is detailed, specified and quantified in an EHCP, which it should be if required.

I would be careful about agreeing to go in when DS is dysregulated. That could quickly spiral into the school calling all the time or calling for you to take DS home in an informal suspension. You need things recorded formally in order to gather evidence more support is required.

A formal suspension instead of an unlawful, informal exclusion will a) provide you with evidence of unmet needs to support you pursuing an EHCP, b) force the school to follow due process, c) limit the number of days the school can suspend for, d) allow you to challenge any suspension, and e) once DS is compulsory school age, ensure he receives alternative education for longer suspensions.

Similarly, a formal permanent exclusion is better than you withdrawing to EHE because it provides evidence, means you can challenge it, etc.

If the school try to permanently exclude, I would highlight the school failed to adequately support DS by requesting an EHCNA earlier in the year. This could have led to a better understanding of DS’s needs and additional support before now.

Are you following up verbal conversations with emails?

When is a decision in the ECHNA due? I would get some recommendations from local SEN parent forums for schools to look at. All schools will say they are inclusive and welcome children with autism but in reality schools either a) don’t belive in autism/think the child is just being naughty, b) don’t see SEN as a priority so do the minimum, c) see SEN and being inclusive as a priority and actually want to try their best for the child.

Sadly in you case it is clear the Head wants your child out but has created a paper trails so it provides evidence the school has done ‘something’. If you child is PEX then the LA must arrange suitable, full-time education for them from the sixth day of a permanent exclusion (when you child is CSA). I know it is awful but a PEX will force the LAs hand (once he is CSA in September)

My son is in Reception and is autistic and his school are doing a lot more than your child’s school. My son has various interventions; a language intervention, social skills intervention, turn taking intervention. He has a star spot in the carpet, figer toys, ear defenders, visual timetable, a weighted blanket, etc. What strategies do the staff employ when they see signs of dysregulation?

I wouldn’t withdraw him either. If you do, he becomes your responsibility to educate and your responsibility to meet his learning needs.

You say your son has difficulty transitioning between activities, so what is the school doing, in practical terms, to prepare him for transitions? Is there a visual timetable that will show him what is happening next? Someone to explain that this activity is finished, the next will be …… and so on. The more preparation he has, the less he may become distressed about change.

I think that you will be in a position where the default is to contact you whenever things start to go wrong, so the school won’t be employing any strategies to reduce the dysregulation recommended by the psychologist or any other outside professional.

Certainly, have an email trail, so there is absolute clarity and written evidence. It’s clear that you are losing faith in the school’s ability to meet your child’s needs, but starting a new school might be starting the whole process of support again.

Thank you for your comment.

I haven't always followed up verbal communications with emails, but I am doing that now.

After his last suspension for instance I sent the HT a couple of emails where I a) complained about them taking videos without my consent of my son during a meltdown b) Told them that my son's last suspension wouldn't have happened if they school had called me as we agreed on

As far as I know, the school hasn't contacted the specialist teaching service. I googled it and Birmingham seems to have one.

The educational psychologist was in on the 21st May. When I asked the SENDco what was said she said: "The psychologist observed some differences, but they weren't too big. But the psychologist really emphasised how great the school is doing with their current support". Basically, the SENDco was downplaying/brushing over my son's SEND and instead focused on pointing out how well the school is doing.

I wasn't given any written report.

Do the school have a legal duty to request an EHCA?

This is also something our solicitor had asked in the written representations, whether an EHCA was requested.

I have applied for an EHCA myself a week ago.

Should I inform the SENDco I had applied for an EHCA and that we're about to go undergo private assessment for autism?

I have given the LA and the private clinic consent to contact the school.

Thank you for your comment.

I have only applied for the EHCA a week ago.

So the decision whether to assess will take another 5 weeks?

I think it would then take another 3 1/2 months to create an EHCP (taking the whole process to 5 months, provided that we won't have to appeal and that there are no further delays)

The school has put some interventions in place for e.g. a visual timetable, access to a quiet space and a tent in an empty classroom, social stories how to act when he's angry (take a deep breath, speak to an adult, plat with another friend). He also has a spot close to the teacher on the carpet.

He hasn't got a weighted blanket or ear defenders.

My concern is that during the 1st video that they took of my son without my consent during his last meltdown, it showed my son almost close to tears sitting quietly. He then got up and started throwing things.

There were at least 2 adults there who could have spoken to him and emotionally supported him when he was close to tears (1 teaching assistant and the person behind the camera), but they didn't.

So all their support looks great on paper, but in reality, how much support are they actually giving my son?

Apologies, I forgot you said you are in Birmingham. Yes, there is a specialist teaching service. IIRC, for the communication and interaction team you need an autism diagnosis, to be on the referral pathway or to have significant C&I needs (which DS clearly does). There is also a separate behaviour support team - if DS is at risk of permanent exclusion, they should be asking for their help.

Contact the EP yourself. Even if there isn’t a formal report, there will be written notes, etc.

You would have known if the school requested an EHCNA previously.

The school has a duty to make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN. They should involve outside agencies where they need more support, this includes requesting an EHCNA. It is one thing that can be looked at when deciding if a child should have been permanently excluded.

Yes, I would inform the school you have requested an EHCNA and are pursuing diagnostic assessment.

The LA will seek write to the school as part of the EHCNA process. I would let the SENco know that you have applied for an EHCNA and are arranging a private autism assessment.

The school may push back as the LA will most likely want to see what they have spent their notional £6k SEN budget on.

The EP will have most likely written a report to the school. In my experience every professional from education or health always writes a report even if it is only brief. . Can you do a SAR to get hold of any information the school hold on your son.

The suspensions are evidence of your child’s unmet needs. I would be very concerned as well that staff were standing around whilst your son was becoming disregulated.

I would google ‘Birmingham local offer’ then that should tell you what your LAs local offer is for SEN.

I would also consider applying for DLA. You don’t need a diagnosis to apply for DLA. I don’t think of my son as disabled but he does need extra help. If you get an award then it will help pay for extras.

It's a great tip to apply for DLA, thank you.

Would school find out I applied for DLA?

In terms of the Subject Acess Request, would that worsen my relationship with the school?

I don't care about the staff's feelings, but I don't want anything to be to the detriment of my son.

Maybe I should for now just email the SENDco and ask for the report/notes of the educational psychologist?

When my son got excluded I found the advice at a sossen drop in centre very useful to understand and form a plan.

Not sure if any are useful locations but definitely get some legal advice from below or similar.

You need to register with them

sossen.org.uk/

Also... the school should put in reasonable adjustments not victimise your son.

The Cerebra guide is helpful when completing the DLA form.

The DLA form asks for the school’s details. If you include their details and consent to DWP contacting professionals, DWP may contact the school.

Some schools don’t like SARs, but you shouldn’t let that put you off. It is a good way of collecting evidence for the EHCNA request. It will also give you more information than just the report or notes. For example, it can include correspondence between the school and EP.

I remember your first post. I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved. Your son sounds a lot like mine, and the school could be doing so much more.

I agree about doing the SAR. The school would - well, should - be entering details of every incident involving your son that reaches a safeguard level (so if he injures another child or damages the classroom) on a secure system - sometimes its one called CPOMS. An SAR would give you all of these. They are horrible reading, but excellent evidence of unmet needs.

You'll probably be able to find details of who the school's assigned EP is via the LA website (though there's no reason for the school not to tell you) and then contact them directly.

Are the school filling out anything like ABC charts for STAR charts for episodes of dysregulation? Does the school have a sensory room that he could use? Could the teachers work in movement breaks outside the classroom e.g. could he be the child who takes messages, or helps get the milk?

Also, are you looking after yourself? Could you take some unpaid parental leave? Have you spoken to your midwife about your low mood?

Those are good ideas, but I have lost complete faith in the school that they will treat my son fairly.

They amp up my son's suspensions every single time with the clear end goal of getting rid of him.

Example: The Monday before the last suspension, I made an agreement with the headteacher that the school would call me once he becomes disregulated.

3 days later, on the Thursday, he had a 2 hour episode of being disregulated, and did the school call me ? No, because apparently neither the HT or deputy headteacher were in. So this ended with another suspension of 4.5 days this time, his longest so far.

The SENDco acts more like the official HR person in meetings, saying "it's about compliance" and that he does these things deliberately.

They also took 2 videos of my son during his recent meltdown. Videos that I didn't authorise, are highly unethical and potentially illegal.

I have downloaded an application form for an in year application at another primary school today.

To my horror, my son's current HT must sign it.

IPSEA said that another school can't discriminate against my son because of his suspensions and that they must offer him a space if they have capacity.

But can they just lie and say they haven't got a space?

Clearly no school wants a pupil at the school who throws things and has hit before :(

I haven't spoken to my midwife about my low mood.

Everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and I had suicidal ideation (just thinking about it, I would never do it of course).

I don't want to mention it to my midwife in case she gets social services involved. The HT has already referred us to Early Help and I am worried it's all a slippery slope in having social services sit on my lap soon.

Admission authorities can’t just lie about spaces for in-year admissions. However, for in-year admissions in years other than the normal year of entry (so in your case not this academic year but for Y1), the admissions code (3.10 and 3.11) allows them to refuse a place if they have reason to believe the child will display challenging behaviour and they already have a high proportion of pupils with challenging behaviour or who have been previously permanently excluded compared to other local schools and admitting DC would prejudice the provision of efficient education of others or efficient use of resources.

Personally, I wouldn’t move mid EHCNA request. It isn’t lawful, but when DC have recently moved, LAs sometimes refuse and use the excuse DC need time to settle. I would wait until you either have a finalised EHCP or you have a refusal to assess or refusal to issue and have appealed.

You're probably right.

I guess I'm just panicking a bit because the HT is always indirectly threatening me to give him a permanent exclusion :(

I actually think a lot of schools would try to work together with parents to give a very small child a second chance. But I also agree with the PP that I would not move schools mid-EHCNA. I know the suspension record feels awful but it is very good evidence of unmet needs. There are only six weeks until the end of term.

ETA - please, please speak to someone about your MH. I understand why you are worried about SS, but they are also there to help. They want families to stay together.

As difficult as it is, ignore the HT’s threats.

Well, the HT won't be happy with us, because we asked a solicitor to send a letter challenging my son's school suspensions to the Chair of Governors.

Not that it will make a difference, we know they're all buddies and will stick together, but it was important for us to put forward our point of view and that this can be added to his school record.

I have the reintegration meeting on Friday morning.

My son's old nursery (where he still goes to holiday club to) said they could take him back Monday and Tuesday. Just to give him some stability until he reaches compulsory school age.

I will suggest that to the HT on Friday. Let's see what he says.

Personally, I wouldn’t be going back to nursery during the school week. DS will be compulsory school age in September. There are only a few weeks left of this academic year. And putting that suggestion in the HT’s mind doesn’t incentivise them to help you/work with you.

You're probably right, but I was so disgusted when they filmed him.

This is why I want my son to spend the least possible time in school.

Hi, I just wanted to send a bit of a hand hold. Your son sounds like mine was at 4. Totally out of control, nothing we did made a difference. He’s been in a specialist school since he was 6, is 9 now, and is now totally fine and lovely and no more melt downs. Things WILL get better.

I know it may not feel like it to you but 4 is SO TINY. He’s a BABY. The behaviour of school sounds absolutely appalling. Try and move him as soon as possible. You need a team who are engaged with actually wanting to help. If the head knew anything about autism (let’s assume this is the case here), he’d know an autistic person no more ‘chooses’ to have a melt down than an epileptic chooses a seizure. When he was younger i recorded my son having a meltdown and showed it to him after and he genuinely thought it was someone else - he had no memory of it. Your son will be the same.

School need to engage in looking for the warning signs and helping your child with love and affection to prevent melt downs. Punishing them once they’ve started is just idiotic. Not exclusion! Exclusion for a 4 year old with SEN is deranged.

You need to hear this. You are not wrong. They are. Your boy is a good boy. He’s just struggling. He will be ok.

i’d recommend reading ‘how to raise a happy autistic child’ which has some great insight. Also ‘the explosive child’ is good but some of the techniques are better for older kids. Ultimately as a parent of a SEN kid you have to spend a lot of your life dealing with idiotic clowns like the ones you are sadly dealing with at school, so being super educated on all things autism and your sons rights, and the law, will be essential.

Sorry I just can’t get this out of my head. That instead of helping your poor struggling baby they filmed him. It makes me want to cry.

Oh also.

social services. We got them involved. They were lovely! Our social worker got us loads of help, we get funding for extra care for my son and things. Don’t be scared of social services!

if you find another school you like for an in year move, don’t worry about forms, just phone them and have a conversation. We’re actually moving my son at the moment and our relationship has broken down with his current school and i know they’ll tell any other school he’s a nightmare so i’ve just called the other schools and said can you meet him and see for yourself what you think and they’ve all been amenable. There’s always a way round these things.

On a side note, I think the school are allowed to film for their core purposes without your consent, but obviously not distribute images.