Son (reception class) suspended for 2.5 days

[strugglingparent1]

Hello,

my son (reception class) has been suspended for 2.5 days yesterday.

He was unhappy about something in the classroom and threw chairs over.

He was then led to another classroom to calm down, where he kicked the teacher and slapped her face. I know this is completely unacceptable.

My son is on the SEND register and we're awaiting a referral to an educational psychologist for autism assessment.

The school has worked together with me before in form of a behavioural book and they were teaching him strategies how to remain calm when upset.

They also put other measures in place, like a timer etc.

This has worked quite well for almost 2 months, but in the last 2 weeks he has had terrible meltdowns.

I know that my son's behaviour can be very challenging and I made it clear to him that violence is unacceptable.

I am unhappy with the school for different reasons, these are:

• in the first meeting with me last year the headteacher was ranting that my son was the most extreme child he met in the last 30 years of his career. He also said it is my son's choice to act badly (this was backed up by the SENDco in the meeting, who didn't want to contradict him)

• the school failed to inform me on 2 occasions when my son was attacked by another child in school. This only changed after I complained, they then informed me of 2 more occasions after that when my child was attacked by the same child.

• my son informed me of another occasion when he was hit by another child in afterschool club. As I wasn't informed by school about this, I emailed the school about it. The afterschool club lady then told me that she never saw this incident. I never received a reply to my email from school. When I followed up this email with a second email asking the school to keep an eye on my son and this child, I also didn't receive a reply. When I mentioned this in the meeting yesterday, the deputy headteacher gave me a flippant response that there was no need to reply as the afterschool club lady already spoke to me. When I said that I also didn't receive a reply to my second email, both the deputy headteacher and headteacher denied ever having received a second email

• As mentioned, my son has a behavior book. I write down things about him that I observe at home and the school writes down observations about him every day. My son brings this book with him to school everyday and brings it back home.

On Friday last week, this book was missing. My son said that it was on his table in school. I emailed school and said that we're worried that another child accidently took it back home with them. I asked the school in my email whether it was possible to share the information in a more confidential way, perhaps a shared file on Google drive. Again, my email was ignored and I didn't receive a reply. The book was found on Monday, but I asked them in the suspension meeting yesterday why I didn't receive a response to my email if I have concerns about confidential information being accidentally shared with the wrong people. The deputy headteacher once again gave me a flippant response that my son took it out of his bag and that the book was found. I replied that a 4 year old child can't be expected to safeguard a book with confidential information and that there's a risk that another child could take this book home in the future. We then finally agreed that his book would be taken out of his bag when he arrives in school and given to me at pickup by the afterschool club staff.

• the suspension letter says that work would be provided for my son during his suspension. So far I have received nothing.

My son has his reintegration meeting on Monday morning. Does anyone have any tips for me what I should discuss with the school/how I can support my son?

I know my son's behaviour is completely unacceptable and I don't support him being violent to anyone and myself and my husband had a very serious talk with him.

I have tried to call SENDIASS this morning on advice of a friend, but their phone number doesn't work and they haven't replied to my email yet.

Mentally I'm extremely exhausted, I woke up at 4 am this morning, because I was so worried. On top of that I'm pregnant, which makes everything so much more difficult :(

I don’t have any advice but a 4 year old being suspended is ridiculous! I have this all to come, my DD is 4 and starting school in September, she has asd and is easily triggered and will lash out, she had a Ehcp but unfortunately for Sen children they like to try mainstream first and I don’t think it will work out but all these suspensions is a way of the school showing they can’t meet needs to get them in the right setting further down the line 🙄 can he not be referred to a paediatrician as he’s still 4 to have a diagnosis? When they get to 5 and get referred to camhs it’s a long wait ( 4 years ) a paediatrician would diagnose quicker

I have vitality medical insurance through my work and my son is insured through that as well. I will give them a ring tomorrow to ask if my son can get referred to a pediatrician.

Hopefully this will speed things up

Thanks for your comment xxx

What else are they doing to support your son? A behaviour book sounds like it's reactive rather than proactively trying to prevent issues occurring. There is a place for similar monitoring to try and identify triggers, but it should be followed by taking action to reduce or remove those triggers. It sounds like he had a meltdown due to unmet needs. The suspension may be lawful, as they can suspend SEN children if it's a health and safety issue (ultimately all children need to be safe in school). With my daughter it did take a bit of trial and error to work out which interventions were helpful, and which weren't, but once they had her behaviour at school was a lot better. Saying that her behaviour at home only improved once she got her EHCP, full time 1 to 1 support and they actually implemented things like movement breaks consistently.

It is a good idea to read the statutory suspension and exclusion policy if you haven’t already.

The school should take reasonable steps to provide work. However, there is no statutory duty to do so. If DS is 4, he is not yet compulsory school age, so there isn’t even a statutory duty to provide alternative provision after 5 days.

Has an EHCNA been requested? What support is the school providing to prevent escalating situations in the first place? What have they tried, but it hasn’t worked? If your LA has a specialist teaching service, has the school asked for advice from them?

Photocopy the communication book.

The route for NHS assessment varies area to area.

Does the insurance cover ASD assessments? Not all do.

Okay, but why does the school write in their suspension letter:

"The school will continue to set work for "X" during the period of his suspension".

I will ask about the EHCNA, thank you. I don't think this has been requested.

According to the school they do a lot, but I'm not sure how thorough they are with following through with it.

Also, a few days ago, 6 members of their staff have been made redundant. I wonder if there is enough staff to deal with children with additional needs?

You can request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

The letter is probably a standard template they have edited.

What was he unhappy about?

Do they know his triggers?

Does he have ear defenders, a chewy?

Does he get movement breaks?

Does he get 1:1 or small group support under the local offer?

What have they got in place for him already?

What are their plans going forward?

The school doesn't sound the best to me tbh.
I would apply for an EHCP asap.

I think he was upset because the class was divided into 2 groups and he wasn't allowed to go somewhere.

A really silly reason, I know, but in his mind it was a big thing.

His class teacher said he has problems with transitioning between activities.

He doesn't have ear defenders or a chewy.

The SENDco gave him a squishy toy, but it was taken away the next day by another girl in his class.

I might buy him a chewing toy on a necklace to see if it works.

They work with visual timers, a busy table in the classroom where he can go to if he's overwhelmed, movement breaks, golden time at the end of the day if he behaves well, being allowed to walk the family support worker's dog on Friday if he behaves well, a tent in an empty classroom if he needs to calm down.... .

Their plan going forward is to suspend him everytime he has a serious incident like on Tuesday. It is quite clear to me that they are just planning to get rid of him as soon as they can.

Another thing I don't understand is how he was able to slap his classteachers face.

The deputy headteacher said that teachers are encouraged to get down on the same level as the child.

That doesn't make sense to me to do that with a child who has a meltdown. He also was in an empty classroom when it happened so there were no other children he could have put at risk, so didn't need restraining.

I could have written this myself. Genuinely checked it wasn’t my post at first, so solidarity to start! I was also pregnant, just had twins.

My son’s school offered a lot of the additional things you list and it never helped. The suspensions kept coming despite Ed Psych and behaviourist saying he needed his self esteem working on and needed to feel included. He was completely left out of phonics and PE. It was so difficult and upsetting going to work every day waiting for a phone call. And yes, the headteacher got in his face whilst he was heightened and was hit.

I have had to remove my son from that school, he’s at a much smaller setting - 14 in the whole class and mixed age reception to Y2. It’s not perfect, he is still aggressive at times and throws things / lashes out, but the school want to help him and are so supportive. He is much happier and although the twins have meant a step back a bit at home, he is generally better behaved for everyone.

PS try your local children’s centre to see if they can assist with school meetings if sendiass can’t be there - in my area the children’s centre is where the professionals who attend team around the family meetings are based.

I don't think it's a silly reason, my son finds transitions hard also.
I suppose I would be asking if they are aware he struggles with transitions was he told before hand what was happening?
Does he have a visual timetable?

That's a good question, I will ask this on Monday.

He has a visual timetable.

But how did you get a place in that setting ? Is this an independent school? We can't afford an independent school unfortunately and I've heard places at specialist schools are oversubscribed and that there are long waiting lists :( I'm having nightmares of my son getting a PEX eventually and being bumped from school to school and it affecting his whole childhood and adult life :(

He told me today he misses school :( broke my heart :(

I'm so glad that your son is doing better now xx

I contacted admissions for my local authority and asked what the pupil admission number was and how many spaces available in the schools in our area. I then contacted the smaller ones with spaces and went from there. It’s a “normal” school, but we’re relatively rural, so there are a lot of smaller settings

Independent schools can be funded via EHCPs if necessary.

If a special school is not wholly independent, they don’t get oversubscribed and have waiting lists like admissions to mainstream schools via the normal process. There are limited situations in which LAs can refuse to name the parent’s preferred school. On its own, being full is not enough of a reason to refuse to name the parent’s preference. The LA has to prove the school is so full placing DC there is incompatible with the efficient education for others or use of resources. That bar is far higher than LAs and many schools admit. It has to be something specific that has a material effect and is more than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”. Although the LA may force you to appeal.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

Have a look at the official exclusions guidance - https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66be0d92c32366481ca4918a/Suspensions_and_permanent_exclusions_guidance.pdf - paying particular attention to all the bits about children with SEND. Time and again schools are reminded that suspensions and exclusions should be an absolute last resort, and in particular for children with SEND they should be looking at calling in further advice and applying for SEND needs assessment should be done before considering exclusion. You might like to print off the relevant sections and ask the head exactly what they have done to comply.

You could also refer him to the Equality Act and ask what reasonable adjustments he made for disability, and whether punishing children for the effects of their disability is really complying with the Act.

If it happens again, I strongly suggest you ask the governors to review the suspension with particular reference to the guidance and the EqA. And ask again every time your child is excluded.

I will have a look at this, thank you.

The problem is that my son hasn't been diagnosed with SEND yet - although there's strong indications that he has special needs.

So the school can claim that it isn't disability discrimination as he hasn't been officially diagnosed.

DS doesn’t need a diagnosis to be classed as having SEN or be disabled and be covered by the Equality Act.

How are things op?

He had his reintegration meeting on Monday at 8:45 am.

The headteacher acted extremely pleased to see him again, which came across as inauthentic.

"How are you? You look good"

"It's wonderful to see you"

"Have you had a haircut? You look very smart. I always say if you look smart, you will act smart" (he had that haircut 3 weeks ago 🙄)

"We missed you! Did you miss school? We certainly want you here . But in order to be here you have to follow our rules"

When I mentioned that he started biting his nails since the incident last week, he turned to my son and said: "Don't worry. Nobody will hold it against you what happened last week and nobody will bring it up. In this school we follow the teachings of Jesus and Jesus always forgives" (it's a Catholic school).

My son was then picked up by the deputy headteacher who brought him to his classroom.

I asked the headteacher then if I could discuss the incident with him in further detail. He said he doesn't know all the details and he could ask the teacher to give me a call later in the day.

The teacher then called me a couple of hours later and said she literally only has 5 minutes as she has to rush to the next thing.

I then said that I was going to write her an email. She said okay, but I heard in her voice that she didn't like it. I think I'm already known in the school now as a troublemaker and the headteacher definitely dislikes me.

Basically I want to question in the email in a nice way why she had to put her face up close to my son's face when he was having a meltdown. To my understanding this occurred in an empty classroom so there were no other children around that were at risk.

My husband and me talked a lot over the weekend and we both find that our son very rarely acts that violent with us and it's only when he's very agitated and he has to be restrained for his own safety (for instance when he has a meltdown in a carpark).

So we have absolutely no idea how such an escalation was possible in school.

Would I be wrong to write this email (as politely as possible of course) or would this worsen my already strained relationship with the school?

Yesterday my son had a better day, but today there were two incidents:

1. he pushed some things off a table, because he got angry that he didn't win a game

2. at the end of the day he got "golden time", because his day was overall good. He is allowed to play with the marble run as a treat. He then wanted to tidy up all the marbles at the end of the game. For some reason this wasn't possible, so he angrily pushed a chair into a toilet.

He's been suspended for the 2nd time today.

Apparently a child knocked his tower over and he threw some blocks in anger and the block hit a child on the arm.

The teaching assistant then walked over to him to calm him down.

He then hit the teaching assistants arm

The headteacher said basically he's kind to only give him 2.5 days suspension, really he should escalate it at this point.

I questioned them if anything had changed in the school, as my son had 2 really good months and the escalations only happened recently.

They said nothing had changed.

Apparently there is 1 teacher and 1 teaching assistant in a class of 30 pupils, is this normal?

Please help me, I could cry :(

I would be asking what support they are providing and what adjustments they are making. Have they completed ABC charts/kept a diary to spot triggers? What input is the SENCO having? Has an EHCNA request been submitted? Have they asked for advice from the specialist teaching team if your LA still has such a service? What are they doing to deescalate situations and prevent them escalating in the first place?

1 teacher and 1 TA is normal. In lots of classes, especially after reception, there isn’t a TA unless they are for specific DC with SEN. This is part of the reason why getting an EHCP is important.

Does that mean they’re running the suspension after the Easter break too? There is no benefit to that, I’m so sorry

Yes, he's only allowed to be back on Tuesday, 29th April 2025.

I've written a very long letter of complaint to the school, which I will send tomorrow morning by email.