I’ve no life

[Autumgirl]

I’ve 2 with autism ,I’ve spent over 20 years fighting for help support and education for them.they are both full time at home with on line education.they are happy and supported .
i put their needs first every time .years of tribunal and fighting the LEA paid off
they both have exactly what they need to thrive, education wise .but they don’t leave the house very often ,can’t be left alone ,so I’m stuck 24/7 at home
Looking back ,and knowing what I know now ,the eldest should of gone to a residential school.the violence and smearing and unrinating all over the house ,I coped with ,.no one ever said it’s to much ,you shouldn’t have to cope with that .
we just focused on education and trying to keep him out of prison

I’m sinking lower in to depression,I’ve tried every antidepressant possible,and I’ve ended up up with a months supply of about 10 different antidepressants.
it’s like I’ve suddenly woke up and thought,where has my life gone
I’ve not worked because of them for over 20 years ..
I can’t see a way out ,..well I can but ….
im pathetically great full if a friend invites me for a coffee ,I constantly check my ph9ne Incase I’ve received a text from someone, just great full from any crumbs from their life they throw me ..even then I’ve nothing to talk about ,because the last 20 years has been all about my dc education and their needs .
i don’t have any any interests or opinions,I’m an empty shell of a person with nothing left to give .
i know lots of people with autism and with children with autism,but they are all functioning in society,kids go to special schools / college ,parents have a life .
i think .somehow .we fell through the cracks

You may get better advice on the SEN children board OP

Do you have family or any real life support? Any support groups in your area for parents of children with SEN?

How old are your children, are there any services to support further? If they're at school can you go out or work during this time so you're socialising?

We'll move the thread for you now, OP.
We hope you get some good support soon.

It doesn’t sound like their EHCPs are good enough. You can’t be compelled to facilitate their education therefore if they can’t be left alone the LA need to fund someone else to facilitate the online education.

Also, do DC not have any PfA provision or therapies working on independence from you? Or any social care provision?

Have you had a carer’s assessment?

Sorry
I was really down yesterday
I feeling better today .
i put it on the other thread for mumsnetters with autism as I’m being assessed for autism ,so wanted to hear from other mums with autism ,as I think the problem is just me not coping .

Thatsnotmycar
i had to go to tribunal to get their education,one was left 4 years with nothing.
it’s really really bad ,where I live ,I’m considered one of the lucky ones that my kids have their educational needs met .
i have thought about going back to tribunal for more ,like alternative therapies ,but it’s so so draining ,it’s soul destroying,and I’ve got 2 to do it for ,our area just refuses every request,so I’d be back going to tribunal for 2 of them ,and I’m scared I could end up loosing what we already have .

i just wanted to hear from other mums with autism ,who maybe also had a difficult life
I think I’ve confused matters by explaining to much my situation,
when that wasn’t really what I wanted help with ,I wanted to chat with other mums who feel their life is empty ..
I didn’t really want to focus on my kids SEN ,..
that’s why I didn’t post on SEN board .

OP I have autism too, and 2 DC with EHCPs, one of whom has EOTAS. You have a lot on your plate and not enough support, however I don’t think all of your current situation and struggles can be attributed solely to your difficulties arising from your ASD. If you had more support for DC you would find things easier to cope with.

Oh hi ,thatsnotmycar,thanks for the message .
everyone else I know is coping with life and holding a job down ,I’ve not worked since my eldest son was born ..no childminder would take a child smearing poo ,expelled from 3 schools ,and all the times I was called in to collect him ,because the schools couldn’t cope ,yet I was expected to manage him ,when 2 special schools couldn’t….I just feel like I’ve no place in the world ,like I don’t belong anywhere..we have had lots of agencies in ,but the dc don’t respond to them ,or just hide ..I don’t cope well with people in the house ,nor do they ..
I’ve just got this idea that someone else would of done things better than me ,in my situation I mean….the in-laws always made that clear ,that they could of done it better ,more discipline,forcing them to school …both dc have PDA …so forcing and discipline don’t work.
somewhere along the way I got lost in it all

Hi, I just wanted to say that it sounds like you have done a really good job in difficult circumstances and are an fantastic parent. So sorry it is so hard. Of course nobody is perfect and you may have done things different in hindsight but that is true for everybody and everything. Ignore people who do not understand your circumstances and your children, but patronise with advice.

In terms of provision for your children, you may wish to see advice on this from organisations like SOS SEN and to see whether it might be possible to have their needs met in an even better way.