Very violent 5yr old boy

[Violentson]

My son has pretty severe asd and is very speech delayed. His violence has now come to the point i can no longer cope and i fear for his future. He pushed my 18m so hard onto the floor his nose started to bleed today. He bites kicks slaps. His new favourite is biting my hair and putting his hands around my neck. We all have brusies cuts etc from him. This stuff happens 10+ times a day. He didn't start school this year as hes not ready but will in August. So hes in a nursery 2x a week. Hes just as bad there. I cant take him out as he hurts anyone he sees or animal's.
Hes a psychopath as all he does is laugh he hes made someone cry or bleed even.
We have alot of professionals trying to help but even they are struggling to find a solution.
Im lost and scared
I don't know what to do anyone

I think what I mean is, for example, if my mental health became so poor I didn't feel I could keep ds safe and I didn't have any family ss would have to intervene. My point was there has to be facility for this because not everyone is going to be able to cope with behaviour that difficult and presumably ss have the same duty of care to a send child as they do to any child.

Also in a situation where the send child presents a serious risk to an infant isn't there a duty of care to that infant too?

My point wasn't about whether people want residential care so much as a concern that if it doesn't actually exist does that mean that ss just absolve themselves of that duty of care and do send children potentially get left in unsafe homes because there's no alternative

OP could you afford to see someone privately as I could PM you the details of someone who could help. She is in Edinburgh but is mainly on Skype now. There are certain medical conditions which could have caused him to become violent, and there are many things you could do, with guidance.

I think what I mean is, for example, if my mental health became so poor I didn't feel I could keep ds safe and I didn't have any family ss would have to intervene.

Sigh, not sure if you struggle with comprehending what posters in the know wrote . Let me clarify: SS would. not intervene because you did not feel you could cope any longer. They would only intervene if something significant has had happened. Social services are not a preventative service. They are reactive to significant events. They are not there (apart from a few lucky exceptions) to support in order to prevent anything. I hope that clarifies it!

Surely I can't do this anymore and am going to throw myself under a train unless you help is a significant event? Or my baby has a broken bone due to send child's violence?

Surely I can't do this anymore and am going to throw myself under a train unless you help is a significant event?

sure, it is. but not if it is a verbal threat. you would have to go onto the train tracks I am afraid. Trust me. I have been fighting the system for well over a decade and went through a very dark time with severe depression where I also felt suicidal. No help. If I would have done something to myself, then of course SS would have had to take care of my DC but the gamble of withholding support worked out as I carried on. As most carers do.

Yeah I think that's what worries me in a way is that as long as carers keep on despite their situations being untenable the less ss et al will offer.

Much like the more mainstream struggles on with students we really can't meet the needs of the less special school provision there will be.

I know I'll hear yes you would you just don't know until it is your own child but I couldn't cope with what the OP is describing and I don't think any degree of social pressure or shaming would make me able to cope.

you cope with what you HAVE to cope with though.
I know this was put in AIBU to begin with, but parents of kids with challenging needs arent just better equipped to cope, and im so surprised at the amount of people who have suggested putting a five year old into residential care almost as if its a first point of call. People get so much shit on here for considering rehoming a fucking dog, and when its actually an autistic child, theyre all "just rehome him" protect your normal kid.
Im sorry, it doesnt work like that, and is offensive and upsetting. I do know people who have children in residential homes and it was an absolutely heartbreaking decision and not even easy to get as a young adult, let alone a tiny little boy

@Branleuse

you cope with what you HAVE to cope with though. I know this was put in AIBU to begin with, but parents of kids with challenging needs arent just better equipped to cope, and im so surprised at the amount of people who have suggested putting a five year old into residential care almost as if its a first point of call. People get so much shit on here for considering rehoming a fucking dog, and when its actually an autistic child, theyre all "just rehome him" protect your normal kid. Im sorry, it doesnt work like that, and is offensive and upsetting. I do know people who have children in residential homes and it was an absolutely heartbreaking decision and not even easy to get as a young adult, let alone a tiny little boy

This is such a great statement.

Forgot to add we do have a safe space bed
Heres a pic as its pretty cool.
Also it was funded by the council if anyone wants tips on how we got the impossible

Just ignore anyone who isnt helpful
Call social wirker as soon as you can to gef those ten hours thdn ask to increase.
Look for asd sodcifuc school
PECS hellped
Dieszyour ds communicate with speech or?

OP, would it be possible for your dp to reduce his hours at work so you can both be there. You might find you dont lose as much money as you might think if you can increase your tax credits and get the disability element. If its much easier when you are both around, then it seems like it might be necessary in the short term until you can get the right SEN school placement.
Are there any support groups in your areas?

Giving up work pension etc is not a,solution unless you both want that.
A child with asd needs trained specialist workers to givw parents a break. Taking it all on yourselves is not necessarily the answer.
Gettjng the right school . Use any respite you can get. Ask for more. Op says bern offered 10 hours ...that could translate in £££ dirdct payment to 5 hours on saturday of trained person to be one on one with ds . A little but a start.
Latee on a specialist school maybe boarding. Structure helps. Yes it s hard but not impossible to get a place and funding. Otherwise those zchools woukd be empty. They are not. Emphasing sibling s needs may help.
Ds had overnight respite breaks at ASD specialist place from age 9 or 10. If you lucky there may be family link carers (foster carers providing breaks) from earlier. Keep telling sw what your ds needs ans your family needs.

www.achievingforchildren.org.uk/work-for-us-afc/family-link-carer/

Maybe something similar in scotland?

I know it's probably a small drop in the ocean of what you actually need but Caudwell Children are currently offering these Sensory Packs fir a small fee.

They also have some other services which much help you both

Op ask for a formal medication review. The melatonin might be helping but maybe he needs something else?

@Porridgeoat

Op ask for a formal medication review. The melatonin might be helping but maybe he needs something else?

I asked that quite recently and was told no.

Thanks the packs look great!!

@Branleuse

OP, would it be possible for your dp to reduce his hours at work so you can both be there. You might find you dont lose as much money as you might think if you can increase your tax credits and get the disability element. If its much easier when you are both around, then it seems like it might be necessary in the short term until you can get the right SEN school placement. Are there any support groups in your areas?

Unfortunately no. Its a all or nothing there but we decided against him giving uo work anyway.

the things that helped mine were:
keep well fed and blood sugar up
keep plenty to drink
occupational therapy to help wiht calming. done regularly before.
keep children apart. never left in same room together without an adult before breakfast and any time hungry.
reduce sensory input
deep hugs. (there is a way to hold them that means they are les likely to do you damage, worked out through experience)

these may not work for you and yours but give you some options to choose from to try.

friend got a dog and cut ouit gluten and said both those worked for hers.

ps, mine has improved behaviour but we are not there yet.