6 year old behaviour

[Kbel71]

Hello, I'm not sure where to post this (sorry it will be a long post). I'm concerned about my daughter's behaviour. I'm not sure if it is just 'normal' as she has been through alot or if there is something else.
i will tell you briefly our background 1st. I split with her dad when I was pregnant due to domestic violence and he stopped seeing her when she was about 3 months old. She was a happy baby/toddler though was very hyper and had typical tantrums. When she was 3 we were evicted from our house as the landlord sold. We lived in a homeless 'hotel' for a year and then stayed in my mum's 1 bedroom flat untill recently we have moved into a house with my mum as I am her carer. My mum has mental illnesses which is managed well with medication and is physically unwell so is in and out of hospital alot which obviously worries my daughter.

Her behaviour is sometimes uncontrollable, but at school she is apparently well behaved, does her work etc. Before lockdown she was getting extra support for her emotional well-being. Play therapy etc. And have a early help plan with a family support worker. The teachers said she does constantly want cuddles and adult attention but other than that she is ok, i had to send her back to school during lockdown as I just couldn't cope. At home though she will constantly have major tantrums, hitting, biting us, hurting herself. She will be doing something and be fine one minute and then the littlest thing will upset her and she just kicks off. Shes always screaming that she hates herself and wants to be dead. She even got a knife (only a normal blunt one thankfully) and was holding it to her stomach saying she was going to kill herself. Her tantrums can last up to an hour but she gets so upset. I asked her why she feels like that and she said she can't control it and everything just feels red. She won't be in a room on her own, she says she feels like her toys are watching her. I have to get her to sleep and she will wake up several times having nightmares and crying. She also hates certain textures. She screams if I get the wrong towel after her bath, wont wear socks as hates the feel on her feet and certain clothes and blankets she won't have near her. She constantly is on the go. She very rarely will just sit and watch a programme the whole way through. She does gymnastics and when we get to watch them at the end of term she just doesn't sit still and listen and will just be silly and give them cuddles. If there was something wrong surely she would be the same at school? I just don't know what to do. I have told the school and the family support worker but nothing is really suggested to help. I'm just so exhausted she can be such a loving little girl, i don't know if I should call the dr or if it's to be expected as she has had alot of stress. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Hi there OP,

This sounds like a really difficult situation. We are going to move your thread to SEN because there will be other parents there who might have experienced something similar and might be able to help.

I am so sorry, your situation seems really hard. I have no real suggestions but I didn’t want this post to remain unanswered.
Please speak to your GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS for a jigsaw assessment they may also look at melatonin to aid sleep.
Go through her toys and remove those she feels are watching her.
A bedtime routine could help with the nightmares such as no technology 2 hours before bed
Your DDs behaviour is probably better in school as there is a routine and she knows what the expectations are. You may want to develop A ‘24/7’ curriculum for her. Plan the day and evening with what she will be doing including set times for everything. ‘Now and next’ pictures and sequencing methods may work well.
Start using ABC charts to identify triggers and patterns in her behaviour
Make some emotional cards such as happy, sad, angry and help her to use these to describe her feelings.
She has sensory needs, so try and stick to textures and fabrics she likes and going forward only use these materials with her. Create a safe space in her room with lighting, textures she likes and music to help her retreat to for time out (google sensory rooms). This helps people with sensory needs
Set very firm expectations for her ‘in this house we don’t bite, kick etc and reiterate this.
Look at her diet and cut out sugar and processed food. Anything with E numbers.

I would go to the doctor and ask for a referral to Occupational Therapy for a sensory integration assessment. It sounds as though she does have some sensory needs. Maybe have a look at sensory processing disorder.

Managing to 'just about cope' at school and then letting it out at home is typical for bright children with ASD, SPD, or all sorts of other things. You should still be able to get an assessment to find out what is going on.

Thankyou for your advice, i managed to speak to our family support worker, she suggested I keep a diary and is going to speak to the school. I looked up sensory processing disorder, and it sounds so much like her. Thankyou so much for the suggestions