Worried about my boy - Aspergers

[Worriedaboutboy]

Posting for traffic....sorry.

So last week I was out in the park with my friend and her four kids and my two. DS1 is three in October and I have a 6 month old baby. Friend is a SENCO. kids were all playing on some apparatus. My boy was joining in here and there but then at one point he starting walking around the swings etc in his own world. He was talking to himself and pretending to play at something. I was watching him and flippantly said "think he's got some of...............in him." (I used the name of a mutual friend who's boy has Aspergers). She looked back at me and I knew she wanted to say more. So I asked her to be honest and she said she'd thought same. She then said she'd seen him flapping him arms in excitement over something once and that he struggles to address her and other friend by first names. She said he goes through me to ask her for things, if we're at their house for example.

I've been a little wary as I have a cousin who has Aspergers and I'm a teacher so sometimes more heightened to theses things. Other "things" that might suggest it are - lining up his trucks and cars when he plays with them, he never says goodbye or waves to people preferring to just smile goodbye, potty training is ongoing and not easy, disliking me sing (but could be my voice), lack of confidence in new settings and needs me to hold his hand while he takes it all in, likes being at home although he's fine when we do go out.

Don't wanna drip feed but can't think of anything else.

I've just put these things down to confidence and shyness. Husband and I are sociable but we're reserved in a way and like to take our surroundings in. He seems ok in other ways, likes books, loves a good puzzle, plays with variety of toys and if we do go to new places, once he's warmed up and settled in, he's fine. SENCO friend said he often needs to check in with me if we're out and about.

Should I be worried or is SENCO friend just seeing things and adding it all up wrong?!

OP, if you are worried and your child is experiencing difficulties or YOU feel they are having a harder time than other children in social settings, have them assessed. I assure you, autism diagnoses are hard to come by and are certainly not given on a whim.

I say this as a grown woman whose Asperger's was missed until I was well into my 40s.

There are lots of myths around ASCs (autism spectrum conditions) - one of them being that "autistic people don't make eye contact". This is not true, along with many other stereotypical
assumptions. The autism spectrum is hugely varied.

My mental health as a teenager would have benefitted hugely if there had been early intervention for me as a child. The transition to secondary school and my entire teen period was horrendous as I couldn't cope with all the new social rules and hierarchies that others seemed to navigate with ease.

That said, OP, only you know if your child is just a bit shy or quirky or whether there are deeper underlying problems.

Dd was just like this but a bit more extreme at 3. We've persevered supporting her as if she'd had a diagnosis. Ear defenders were a life saver as she was so very audio sensitive. She's about to start school and has suddenly really blossomed.

Looking at her now she's just a confident, but sensitive girl. It could change, she could progress to be less sensitive, or the autistic traits could come back into her personality again. But she's confident, secure, very bright in some aspects, average in others and a touch behind in others. So basically your average child.

Follow your gut, accept, support and love your ds for who he is. Encourage him as he is and he will reach his full potential. Too young to say what his full potential will be yet and don't hesitate to talk to the hv if your worried. Getting the ball rolling on a diagnosis, even if it comes to nothing like it did for my dd, was definitely worth it.

My son was diagnosed with autism aged 2. My daughter has Aspergers (they still diagnose that where we live) and was diagnosed aged 3.5. Early intervention is great in theory, but my experience has shown there are not enough resources for this

However, their diagnoses have given me a huge help in understanding their behaviours. It has shown me where they need additional help, how everyday situations for them can be catastrophic. In short, it has given me an insight into their world, and I now do everything and anything I can to make their lives a bit easier. It has given me confidence when tackling school/local authorities to get the support they need. It is a way of describing how their brains work, and I fully embrace it as a positive thing. we just came back from France. The ferry company let us be the first car off the ferry on both legs of the journey in order to minimise queuing. When I expressed concern that I wouldn't be able to find seats together if we were the last car to board, they chauffeured me to the foot passenger entrance at boarding (while my other half and children stayed in the car) and I had the pick of the ferry. The crossing was still hard work, but without the knowledge behind the triggers which set off my children's anxiety and meltdowns the experience would have been ten times worse. There are so many small adjustments that can be made, that will make life easier.

TATTER he has speech therapy twice a week, occupational therapy and a therapy that I am not sure what the name is in English, but it works on exploring relationships with the world around us. (And three younger NT siblings, which I also believe have helped him an awful lot!)

For what it's worth, I absolutely disagree with the earlier posters 'I'd leave it and see what happens.' I really cannot understand why someone would choose to not help their child, for that child's benefit. Therapy has really helped my son be able to communicate and understand the world around him.

OP, I would suggest that you check out the special needs board for advice rather than AIBU. You will get a lot more experienced posters, rather than opinionated ones.

Thanks everyone. How do I move the thread to SEN?

Just report the thread and ask MNHQ to move it.

Thanks going, will try.

How do I report? Can't seem to find out how??!

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is.aspx

Not read the whole thread but had to say he sounds like a very typical 3 year old to me, and I'm an early years teacher.

Thanks nix and all other people who've replied. Very appreciated.

rainbow thank you - that all sounds great and I'm glad it's been helpful.

All of those things you mention sound very mild and very normal. Yes they could be indicators, but they could also not be! Unless you have specific worries... he is very young and those behaviours are very normal!

So in summary, these are the traits which I've noticed, which could be NT or something else: not saying hello/goodbye to familiar people and strangers; dislike of having hair cut ; dislike of having sticky, dirty hands; not referring to aunts, uncles or others by their names; lining cars up; talks to himself sometimes in his own world; seems very shy in new surroundings and won't leave my side until comfortable (shyness or.....?); not enjoying me or others singing (although not as bad recently, could just be my voice).
Friend noticed some hand flapping when excited and lack of names being used. Also said he always went for same toys at her house.

He is very bright and switched on but I've always just assumed he was shy. We gave as parents been very protective of him as he was an IVF baby and took a long while. Could our over protectiveness have made him more anxious? My head is just spinning.

Worriedaboutboy The only thing that will ease your head spinning is a conversation with someone who knows what they are looking for.

And to be fair, Nix32, and no disrespect but my dd was a "typical" 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 yr old until her world exploded at 8 and we found out she has severe (debilitating) sensory issues (SPD) and ASD.

Her childcare/kindy/school teachers all missed it, and the school psych told me there was no way she had autism.

He may or may not have Asperger's - it's very early days. If he does, it will be important to get it diagnosed so appropriate support can be put in place, and I recommend you grab all the help you can - and fight for it, if necessary (I had to). My DS, now at university, has Asperger's and at times life was (is still!) very difficult. On the other hand, we never experienced problems that some of my friends had with their children - drinking, drugs, not knowing where he was late at night - and they thought we were pretty lucky in that respect. So basically, there will be unlooked-for bright sides if he does have it, rather than just a whole heap of problems. And, as someone else said further up the thread, he will still be your lovely son.

nix dd reception teacher did not bother filling in her cahms questionare because she did not believe she had ASD. We received her diagnosis last week.

It's all rather ironic because it happened to another one of our dds two years ago - same school.

Another one with a child with Asperger's here. Mine was diagnosed age 8, but we were pretty sure ourselves from much earlier (maybe 2-3), he's a teen now. I started actively seeking help for him from about the age of 2, which meant he had extra interventions and support at nursery, pre-school and primary school, by the end of KS1 we and the school felt there was a need to really get to the bottom of things and went for a diagnosis. He now has an EHCP which supports him fully at secondary school and is a happy, content teen.

Your DS does sound quite a lot like mine was at that age. Does he go to nursery or pre-school? If so I would start by talking to them about whether they have noticed anything, whether there might be extra support available etc. It might also be worth talking to your health visitor or GP. It can be hard getting referred for diagnosis and sometime professionals will try and fob you off, I would advise starting a record of all your observations and all conversations with others which may be relevant. Also developmental milestones, dates, anything unusual relating to pregnancy, birth, early days, feeding etc. Your DS may well not have an ASC, but this information can be invaluable in getting support further down the line if needed.

Also, if he is three I guess you will be applying for school this year? It might be worth talking to the schools you are looking at in terms of what extra support they could provide if it is needed, how they provide for children who find the sensory environment of a classroom a bit much etc. How forthcoming they are with this sort of information should give you a good guide as to how they will respond if it does turn out that he has SENs.

This is a good screening- used by professionals.
The result certainly does not mean diagnosis or not though. But you could complete it and if he scores highly then consider talking to your GP if you are worried.

www.m-chat.org/

Wow, such great advice. Thank you so very much. The more I think, the more things I can remember that make me double think. For example fussy with some foods (but could also be his age); dislike having photo taken (not sure if this a trait or not); not keen on swings/merry-go-rounds (sensory); not looking people in eye when leaving somewhere, he won't say goodbye or wave.

He seems a bit off colour today, very pale and I think he can sense our anxiety. Please reassure me he'll cope at school etc. I know I'm a teacher and I know schools are more supportive these days but I'm just very worried.

Thanks for moving thread mumsnet HQ.

Done the online test and it says low risk but not sure what age the test is designed for. Also some questions are difficult to answer in that he does them sometimes and responses have to be 'yes' or 'no'.

Sorry it is supposed to be for up to 30 months but it gives an idea anyway and if you score it thinking about him as up to 30 months then even more so. I know that the questions are hard to answer as yes and no. Low risk doesn't mean definitely not but it's still a good indicator - although of course if you remain worried talk to your gp or health visitor.

Honestly OP, a lot of the things you've mentioned applied to my son 6 months ago when he was 3. Now he is so much better at saying hello/goodbye...when he's in the mood (not often) and depending on how well he knows the person. He too doesn't like swings or roundabouts...a lot of people don't, doesn't mean they're on the spectrum.

But if you are worried and it's causing you anxiety then please do make an appointment to see your Health Visitor or GP asap so they can help you.

Oh dear. Ignore me...I just got this for my 3.5yo ds His preschool know my worries though and are keeping an eye on him.