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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

Worried about my boy - Aspergers

95 replies

Worriedaboutboy · 27/08/2017 09:07

Posting for traffic....sorry.

So last week I was out in the park with my friend and her four kids and my two. DS1 is three in October and I have a 6 month old baby. Friend is a SENCO. kids were all playing on some apparatus. My boy was joining in here and there but then at one point he starting walking around the swings etc in his own world. He was talking to himself and pretending to play at something. I was watching him and flippantly said "think he's got some of...............in him." (I used the name of a mutual friend who's boy has Aspergers). She looked back at me and I knew she wanted to say more. So I asked her to be honest and she said she'd thought same. She then said she'd seen him flapping him arms in excitement over something once and that he struggles to address her and other friend by first names. She said he goes through me to ask her for things, if we're at their house for example.

I've been a little wary as I have a cousin who has Aspergers and I'm a teacher so sometimes more heightened to theses things. Other "things" that might suggest it are - lining up his trucks and cars when he plays with them, he never says goodbye or waves to people preferring to just smile goodbye, potty training is ongoing and not easy, disliking me sing (but could be my voice), lack of confidence in new settings and needs me to hold his hand while he takes it all in, likes being at home although he's fine when we do go out.

Don't wanna drip feed but can't think of anything else.

I've just put these things down to confidence and shyness. Husband and I are sociable but we're reserved in a way and like to take our surroundings in. He seems ok in other ways, likes books, loves a good puzzle, plays with variety of toys and if we do go to new places, once he's warmed up and settled in, he's fine. SENCO friend said he often needs to check in with me if we're out and about.

Should I be worried or is SENCO friend just seeing things and adding it all up wrong?!

OP posts:

Mogtheanxiouscat · 27/08/2017 09:51

going not offended but thank you

tatter I liked your detail!

Ttbb · 27/08/2017 09:53

These all sound like perfectly common behaviours that many children whether diagnosed with ASD or not seem to have. It may just be that he is a bit more quiet and a bit more introverted than most people. I know I am. I will admit that it has inconvenienced me and that I wish that my parents had done more to push me into being more outgoing at a young age but at the same time it is hardly sonething that I have needed to seek help for. In many ways it has benefited me too. Ultimately everyone is different, unless it is having a negative impact on his ability to live his day to day life I wouldn't worry too much.

MrsOverTheRoad · 27/08/2017 09:58

The triad of impairments include

Social Ccmmunication or difficulty speaking/verbally expressing oneself

Social Relationships difficulty understanding social rules and norms

Imagination difficulty in flexible thinking or imaginative games...taking things literally.

GoingRogue · 27/08/2017 10:01

I agree it might just be his personality. Most of my dh's side of the family are very introverted and "keep themselves to themselves" sorts, and I think ds2 will be more like them.

Probably why I was concerned; ds1 is like me and very outgoing and confident. I naively thought any other children I had would be the same.

Now I just embrace the fact ds2 is low-maintenance and prefers to play by himself most of the time (gives me more time to Mumsnet !). I have mentioned my worries to preschool btw and they've just shrugged it off. He has come on leaps and bounds this past 6 months so I've relaxed a bit more.

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2017 10:33

don't forget, we are ALL on the spectrum somewhere

Fobber · 27/08/2017 10:42

We are NOT all "on the spectrum somewhere".

Original poster

Worriedaboutboy · 27/08/2017 10:45

Sorry for delay. Sorting breakfast. My friend who mentioned all this, the senco, I've known for about 12 years, we're much like sister's although we've drifted a bit over the last few years. She is DS' godmother. She is very pro SEN and really passion ate about her job. From what I know she's very good at her job too. I do sort of wish she'd not said something but she's a very honest person and feels duty bound possibly to say something. I dunno.

DS has had a biscuit and milk break and is back to playing with his cars and lights.

I just don't know what to do. I'm a natural worrier. I suffer from anxiety and depression for which I take medication. Combined with potty training nightmares at the moment, I feel so confused, my head is actually hurting.

OP posts:

Original poster

Worriedaboutboy · 27/08/2017 10:46

The irony of it is is that her youngest kid is proper hard work and I've wandered about adhd before but I've not ever said anything as I do t feel qualified to say so.

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2017 10:51

Fobber erm, I know....that's why

pingu73 · 27/08/2017 10:53

My son is now 20 and autistic. Hair cutting is a sensory aspect and he now tolerates it but it was a nightmare when he was little. Tip toe walking is also another thing to watch for also echolalia

BarbarianMum · 27/08/2017 10:53

Flapping is not a sign of ASD in a child that young. Lots of young children flap. The reason that its associated with ASD is because children with the condition tend not to grow out of it as quickly, so are still flapping at ages 5/6/7 +

rainbowduck · 27/08/2017 10:54

I don't think 3 is too young, my DS was diagnosed at 3, and started receiving help.

Sadly, am not in UK so don't know the system. Here, I went to our Peadiatrician and the first moves were to get heating tested. The ball kept rolling from then on.

Talk to your practitioner.

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2017 10:56

Worriedaboutboy Please don't caught up in your friend saying anything! She is trying to be helpful, and while I very much understand that it doesn't always feel like that, she didn't mean any harm, and if, off the back on her comment you do get him assessed, and it comes back as a yes, you will be thanking her!

We didn't find out til this year, when dd was 8. All the things we did wrong, thinking her behaviour was just that, all the places we took her which we now know completely overwhelmed her.

If only it was that easy to spot in girls, and if only I had a friend who could have told me when she was 3. We would be in a much better position than we are now.

pingu73 · 27/08/2017 10:56

My son was diagnosed 2 1/2 but he was very clearly autistic . Ask for an assessment if your anxious just to find out either way no point worrying he is what he is and will always be your son

shivermytimbers · 27/08/2017 10:57

I agree with others that it's too early to make any diagnosis and many of the things you describe are fairly typical in NT children. In fact some of the things you describe are the opposite of things my son did at that age (He was diagnosed ASD at the age of 8).
Without wanting to disparage your friend, who may be brilliant for all I know, I've met an awful lot of SENCOs over the years who haven't really had much training. While they might mean very well and think they know what they're talking about, they really haven't known their arse from their elbow in terms of ASD (obviously not speaking for all SENCOs!)

rainbowduck · 27/08/2017 10:59

Shivermytimbers it really is not too young. My son was 3. Early intervention is key.

If there are concerns, there is no reason to get it checked out. (I only did it to shut everyone up as I wasn't overly concerned and felt it was too young, his behaviors weren't that uncommon etc etc etc. So glad I took that course of action now!)

rainbowduck · 27/08/2017 10:59

Should add, my son is 8 and has had therapy etc since he was 3.

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2017 11:01

It's really not too young at all. Op, please...if you are concerned please do not be put off by those saying it is too young.

Nikephorus · 27/08/2017 11:04

my psych friend also said to me "don't forget, we are ALL on the spectrum somewhere", which helped.
Your friend needs a good slap. Only those of us with autism are on the spectrum. Anyone else who says they are is probably highly condescending and doesn't understand autism.

shivermytimbers · 27/08/2017 11:12

Rainbow I'm a bit torn on the issue of early diagnosis, to be honest. It's obviously important to get support for children who are having difficulties and that the support provided is appropriate, whatever their age, and certainly talking to a paediatrician about concerns would do no harm at all. However, unless there were real difficulties rather than differences I'd be more tempted to hold back and see how things developed.

VinIsGroot · 27/08/2017 11:19

Kaykay thanks for that amazing insight .... DS is 10 and just dx with HF Autism. He's really intelligent but socially awful.
Just great to know these awesome kids can have a positive future!

TatterdemalionAspie · 27/08/2017 11:30

rainbowduck may I ask what interventions and therapy your DS has been given?

notgivingin789 · 27/08/2017 11:39

Getting a diagnosis of ASD at 3 is not too young at all !!!! Parents I've met had a diagnosis for their child at age 2 and a half.

Early intervention is the key.

GoingRogue · 27/08/2017 11:41

Nikephorus how rude. My friend does not need "a good slap" at all. We're all human and make mistakes.

I've just scrolled back a few months on my messages to re-read what she actually said and it's "We're all on the spectrum to some extent!". Not sure that's any better tho, judging by the responses here. Don't forget she was trying to comfort and reassure her friend (me) who was worrying about her child (my 3yo ds).

I won't be repeating that phrase anymore after learning more on this thread. Every day is a school day.

notgivingin789 · 27/08/2017 11:45

shiver... holding back and adopting a wait and see approach is the worse thing you can do.
When children are young, it's quite easy to go into an ignorant bliss. When they get older and the cracks begin to show...that's when some parents regret not seeking a diagnosis earlier.

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