DS is being assessed this afternoon. Please hold my hand

[worrywortisworrying]

Have name changed because I can't cope with being outed.

DS is spending the afternoon at our local school (which I desperately want him to attend) to see if they can accept him.

It really is last chance saloon. If they say no again today, it's HE or some sort of SEN school (which is going to be night on impossible to find or attend and it's not what DS needs)

There is nothing I can do. But, I am sitting here, unable to actually get myself to do anything useful. I have another hour to go.

Just need to talk to someone.

Don't the La have a duty to find your son a school place? I'm not sure on the ins and outs of this.
But up until quite recently I provided 1:1 support for a girl with serious behavioural difficulties, she too was an escape artist and couldn't half run but we were told we had to keep her as she had been moved from another primary (by the LA) to make sure she wasn't excluded.
She is now a lot more settled (it took a good year).
Parents can be nasty though. I grew quite attached to this girl and found myself quite defensive of her when she came under attack from parents who didn't understand circumstances, and blamed her for every issue even though many times she wasn't to blame.
Hope everything goes well x

Louboo - thankyou very much for your reply.

Unfortunately, my DS is faster than Fecking Usain Bolt! Once he's out, he's GONE! What's odd, though, is on 1-2-1 basis, you wouldn't think he had any issues.

I agree, WHOLEHEARTEDLY, about other parents. DS gets blamed for SO MUCH. In fact, last week, a child tried to blame my DS for pushing another child AND HE WAS SITTING WITH ME. And what was worse, his mother just brushed it off. But, if DS had not been with me, he would have been blamed. No questions. And the other parents all look down their noses if I refuse to discipline DS (because, of course, that's what's wrong with him - my parenting)

I HATE this. This is why I have to HE him.

I was going to say what eatyourveg say. There are ASD units attached to mainstream schools. Alternatively there are plenty of children in MS schools who have FT 1-1 TAs. There are also special schools that can deal with HF children with good intelligence.

You need to apply for Statutory Assessment either way. I'm surprised that your nursery hasn't already started this process for you :( . www.ipsea.org.uk/What-you-need-to-know/Common-problems.aspx#RequestingAssessment

It might be worth askng MNHQ to move this thread to Special Needs:Children as there are plenty of posters with exactly this experience who will be able to help you through it.

Please just speak directly to the early years team at the LA. Please.

Have you applied during the normal application process for yr r?

The LA do have to find him a place. Their opinions might differ on what is a suitable setting, but he needs statutory assessment in order to find out what that setting is.

From what I can tell from your posts, no one has yet done this. They are failing your son.

Whether or not you decide to HE is irrelevant. The LA have to find a suitable setting, and give a statement if special educational needs if he cannot access a mainstream education.

On the parents side, I actually do suggest to lots of people in your situation that you are completely upfront with them. And I quite often suggest that parents in your situation ask the peer group parent to go into the setting and complain on your behalf that your son is in adequately supported and it is affecting their child's education.

I don't think you are strong enough to do this yet, tbh. But do bear it in mind for the future. It can be amazingly effective to have a raft of parents complaining to a school, and can motivate them to get off their backsides and get more money and support out of the LA as they are failing all of their pupils by not supporting yours properly.

None of this is your full. It squarely at the door of the LA who are not providing what your son needs. (however, I am not entirely sure that the LA are even aware of your son and his needs at this point - if you haven't told them, and nursery haven't, and this school haven't, then it is unreasonable to expect them to mind read and provide.)

Get on to the area inclusion coordinator for early years. Burst into tears. Tell her you need a school for your son and everywhere is saying no because of his special needs. Do NOT mention He at this point. That is your decision and yours alone. The LA has a legal responsibility to provide a suitable place for your son. They need to assess him, and they need to decide what support he needs to access education in the same way as any other child.

Yes, we have applied completely normally up to now. Last year, they wanted me to take my child out and have him attend a year later (which I did without question). This year, they are still saying they can't take him. No one is saying anything about what CAN be done!

Bursting into tears: THAT I can do without issue.

You need to stop dealing directly with the school because it isn't really up to them it's an LEA matter.If the school are refusing to take your ds even though that it where the LEA have allocated him then they have to inform the LEA,they can't just send you away,they have a statutory duty to educate your child .

I would look in the Special Needs section of mumsnet (this topic is a lot less busy than the education section in the special needs area ) also try the gifted and talented because your children do sound quite educationally advanced

I honestly don't understand why you are dealing with the school directly like this. It's up to the LEA to find your child a school place. Even if you do end upHE ing, don't let them wriggle out of their responsibilities. They have to come up with something. It may not be want and you may well reject it- but you hav to see it before you can reject.

And nit is insane for them to say they can't stop him escaping. If th can't contain a 3 year old, however Houdini like, then they can't possibly be safeguarding their 10 year olds properly!

I was reading your thread and wanted to support what an earlier poster suggested,that you should repost on the primary schools education board as well.
If you title it help needed with admissions, there are lots of really expert knowledgable people who sit on admissions panels who will be able to give you targeted advice.

I hope you are able to get something sorted.

Is there really no other school that you like? ds2 now goes to a sn secondary school about 15 miles away. There is a really good one only 4 miles away that I wanted him to go to. They didn't want him though and I could have appealed but figured I didn't want him somewhere that clearly didn't want him whereas the school which I wasn't keen on at all were really enthusiastic for him to come - they have been nothing but supportive throughout his time there.

Try looking further afield and you may find there is a mainstream willing to bend things to meet your ds's needs rather than making him bend to fit their way of doing things. Such schools do exist but it takes some thorough searching.

You have to bear in mind that the school your ds would most thrive in is not necessarily the one that you like the best. Its a hard one to swallow I know but in the end its his needs that matter more than anything else.

No. Don't start looking further afield. Not yet.

I can't say loudly enough. This is not how schools admissions work. The school should not be assessing a 3 year old and saying whether or not they will have him. Talk to the LEA admissions team.

Hi OP. Just come across this thread. Our DS also has Hfa and is full time at mainstream school, in reception with a full statement. On monday morning you must do the following;
Call the SEN team at your local authority and explain the situation and tell them you want to start a statutory assessment for your son
Call your local parent partnership and ask for help
Call your LEA specialist early years service and ask for help.
Take the names and contact details of everyone you talk to and start to keep a huge file. You have to apply for a statement and i agree with others stop asking the school directly. If he had a statement you can ask for any school. You could consider pt school and some HE if you decide to do that. I dont know what support you get if you HE but my son has speech therapy, occupational therapy, physiotherapy and specialist autism service overseeing things. Also the school nurse and an appt at the toileting clinic next week-all at school. Going to school has been so good for him, although he can be difficult for them. Good luck and post on the SN boards- lots of good advice on there.

Hello. How are you? Are you any clearer with any of the suggestions or has your situation with DS now been resolved? I ask before I come up with any more practical suggestions :)

I will however confirm that Local Authorities are always trying to save money and very often come up with "gatekeeping" responses such as you have been given. However there is an educational duty to meet additional educational needs (SEN), which does not seem to be happening here at the moment.

Any more news? Are you feeling any better in yourself? You need to develop sharp elbows and a lot of bolshiness in order to get through the quagmire that is SEN - but it's something you're going to have to do, as no-one can do it for you (unless you happen to be very rich and can hire a lawyer and a PA to organise it all for you! )

In the absence of a statement (and in theory, with one... but in practice, hmm...), the LEA has no leg to stand on WRT his behaviours being a barrier to him attending school.

They must find him a school place.

Do not offer to HE.

I would separate the statement issue from the school place issue for the time being. The LEA must be accountable and find him a school place for September. They must do this now; the school will have informed the LEA of their decision, so tomorrow is a good time to call the admissions team and ask them what their next step will be.

Thanks for all your replies. Still going round the houses with the school but have been in touch with LA too and also progressing a statement.

Have decided to get rid of our personal tutor for the moment, as i think it's clouding the issue and making it easier for the school to say this is what we should continue.

Will keep you all updated.

Would concur with the other counsel to apply for a Statement of special needs asap. Its not a straight case of HE or special school (he would require a statement to gain access to such a school anyway).

Your son and yourself have both been failed by his school to date.

Also use IPSEA's website; you have been sadly misinformed by others to date re them telling you that no-one issues statements anymore.

www.ipsea.org.uk has model letters you can use. Would also arm yourself with a copy of the SENCOP (Sen code of practice available online).

Re self funding the LEA will be more than happy for you to do that for the rest of his school years (as well as half bankrupting yourself in the process to boot) as it saves them money!. You've saved them a smallish fortune as it is; you cannot keep letting them dodge their statutory responsibility here.

You are your child's best and only advocate at the end of the day. You are truly best placed to fight his corner for him; this is because no-one else will do so.

Post in Special Needs; Childrens section as well as that forum receives far more daily traffic than this one does.

GAH! Just wrote a massive long post and then MN kicked me out again (WHY WHY WHY do I have to log in about 100 times each session!!?????!?) and have neither time or effort to retype.

School still refusing to take DS. Waiting for a call now. Not hopeful. Was supposed to occur before 4pm.

Call from who OP? hope its your LEA offering you and your son support. Keep us posted.

No, call from school explaining situation with school. LA won't speak to me until it's happened. Now 4:35 and still no call :-(

Oh, I and I got defriended by a Labour councillor today - because I am too rich and too priviledged. Bastard. Apparently, I shouldn't be trying to save in case my son needs something, I should give it to everyone else and then throw myself on the state.

One very good reason not to vote labour.

Gah!!!! COuld cry. Got to wait until 13th June, because of half term, before any review meeting.

DS is supposed to start in September and term finishes in July :-(

The chances of getting this sorted this side of the term end is looking less and less likely. Feeling so sad tonight.

OP have you called parent partnership? They should be able to offer you advice. If your son is school age your local authority have a duty to provide appropriate education for your son, regardless of your financial situation. I'm not sure i understand your comment about thr labour councillor-if they were telling you to pay for your sons education then they were talking out of their arse. Mind you i dont think the tories have SN kids as an issue-quite the opposite. If you havent already do call parent partnership tomorrow for your area.

I've not called anyone else (Other than LEA) yet.

Nursery have told me that school do not want to accept him but have him stay at nursery (which I am not totally against).

But, I worry what school will say NEXT year. If I do what they want this year, am I putting my son at a disadvantage?