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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

DS is being assessed this afternoon. Please hold my hand

78 replies

worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:10

Have name changed because I can't cope with being outed.

DS is spending the afternoon at our local school (which I desperately want him to attend) to see if they can accept him.

It really is last chance saloon. If they say no again today, it's HE or some sort of SEN school (which is going to be night on impossible to find or attend and it's not what DS needs)

There is nothing I can do. But, I am sitting here, unable to actually get myself to do anything useful. I have another hour to go.

Just need to talk to someone.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 10/05/2012 14:12

hi there, just made Brew and hiding Wink from DH who is opening the winter fuel bills...

how old is DS?

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:14

3, but 4 in a matter of weeks.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 10/05/2012 14:14

aw, is he having a celebration party or have you got anything planned for him?

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:21

No, he's not really all that aware / bothered about his birthday Sad

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Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:23

I have learned to space things out for him, so he has a lot of little celebrations, but he cannot cope with (and does not enjoy) the noise of a party.

He doesn't really have any friends, he's not bothered about it. He can cope much better with lots of little events. He has already been given a camera which he adores.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 10/05/2012 14:25

would you like some cake with your Brew?

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:27
Smile

Would love some. Thankyou.

Actually, on second thoughts, I am too wound up to eat.

I already know the answer. I know it's a no. I just so desperately want it to be a Yes.

And, I have to really, really try not to cry before I pick him up at 3:30.

OP posts:
Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:28

Even though, I know, that getting a positive result won't make all the problems disappear. I just need him to get a chance.

He's not yet 4 but is judged on an almost daily basis.

OP posts:
JuliaScurr · 10/05/2012 14:29

Thanks bung them in the mug when you've had the Brew

UnChartered · 10/05/2012 14:29

we do that for DD (now we're aware she can't cope) - lots of trips out but at off-peak times work better for her

DD doesn't have 'friends' as such - just a mental list of children's names that aren't mean to her

it's tough isn't it? but i did read online a wee while ago that sometimes a parent can be a little tiny bit relieved that they won't be dragged into the NT playground politics. i'm not so sure about that one myself, i suppose only time can prove/disprove that one.

itdoesnthurttohavemanners · 10/05/2012 14:30

Why would they say no? Would they believe it would be better for him to be in an SEN school? If he can stay in school, is the support there for him?

Why are you so sure they're going to say no? Can we ask what problems he has? xxx

UnChartered · 10/05/2012 14:31

have a bloody good cry, it's not wrong to do so, it's a release of all your anxieties and worries. and caring - if you didn't care then you wouldn't be sitting in the situation you're in right now

{{hugs}}

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:36

He has autism itdoesnthurt. High Functioning autism.

No, the school don't think he needs to be in a SEN school (nor are there places available suitable for him) but they equally don't think they can adequately support him in the school either.

He is amazingly intelligent, but is unpredicatable and (even though he has a speech delay) a bit of a ring leader. His speciality is escaping from any enivornment. He can figure out any lock.

I don't really disagree with the school saying what they are saying and they have been very good about having him back etc., I just hope that they can see beyond what looks like naughty behaviour.

He has a diagnosis, but not a statement right now.

OP posts:
LossDePlott · 10/05/2012 14:37

Poor you for feeling so sad today

What are his issues? Why do you think they won't accept him?

madwomanintheattic · 10/05/2012 14:37

If he's ok to spend the afternoon there on his own, there must be a wee bit of hope?
Why did they turn him down before?

Does he have 1-1 support in place? Go to a nursery setting at all? Have you discussed placement with the area inco?

madwomanintheattic · 10/05/2012 14:38

X post.
Ok, so if he needs support to be able to access education, then the LA needs to get a statement in place ASAP. Have you applied?

lancelottie · 10/05/2012 14:41

If the school can't accept him without support then that is pure gold to you when you apply for a statement for him.

It does sound like he'll need one, you know, and the worst thing you can have is a school not coping but refusing to admit it.

(Still haven't quite forgiven DS's first school for referring to him as 'the worst case they'd ever had', but it did help us in putting our case.)

Sorry, just realised I meant to offer the hugs and sympathy first!

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:44

Madwoman - we have 1-2-1 tuition in place, though I pay for this privately at the moment. This is working very well and I would continue with this if it weren't for the cost. It's not really a workable solution, unless I win the lottery.

DS does attend a nursery 2 mornings a week. This is not that successful, though they have had to change several of their policies / security measures, as DS has got past every single lock they had, so something good has come of it Grin. To be fair, they have listened to all my concerns, worries and I do feel quite safe leaving DS there.

DS doesn't have any separation issues or routine fixations. In fact, he likes the unknown and doesn't have any 'stranger danger' awareness. Obviously, this is a worry.

Thankyou all for talking to me. Only another 20 minutes to go. Feels better wrtiing it down.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 10/05/2012 14:44

the way i've had statements explained to me is applying for a statement is a bloody good way of making a school shape up, the LA may be reluctant due to finances, so they can lean on an individual school to ensure the correct support is given

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:44

Lancelottie - thankyou.

I do believe we will need a statement. What was your outcome?

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itdoesnthurttohavemanners · 10/05/2012 14:45

I have a super autistic boy in my class, sounds very similar to your son. :) We do struggle to support him though, as he is not 'statemented', so in the afternoons (for e.g) he has no one-to-one support. It's not that I can't cope with him perse, but add in another 9 SEN kids to the mix (some with very poor behaviour and anger issues) and it's really not (imo) the best environment for him and his needs. I often feel guilty that I'm not able to support him in the way that I feel he should be supported (if that makes sense?) I literally just do the best that I can every day and come home shattered most days, so rest assured, if they do take him, they will work to the best of their abilities.

School at least being honest with you. It does stink that there's not more support for schools available. They should definitely see beyond any behaviour as being naughty tho? I would never say my autistic boy was naughty, it's just his way at times. Pester the LA for a statement (easier said than done I know)

Sorry. Don't know what else to say - except thinking of you!

Voidka · 10/05/2012 14:45

You have my sympathies

What support from the LA do you have? Any groups in your area?

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 14:53

Itdoesnothurt - would your school look at a mix of HE and school time?

What I am hoping to achieve is DS goes to school for a few hours each morning and then has 1-2-1 in the afternoon (Even if I have to continue paying for him, or do it myself)

Also, do you find any judgement from other parents? I'm coming up against alot of that from other parents right now - they don't want thier kids playing with DS because he is so disruptive (again, I can see the point, but don't know what to do about it)

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itdoesnthurttohavemanners · 10/05/2012 15:04

I'm not sure, quite possibly yes :) Definitely suggest it. I think it's a great idea. He then gets the benefit of school (social side etc) but he's not there all day so it wouldn't be exhausting to him.

Hmm. My class as a whole is disruptive! My autistic boy isn't the only child who causes the disruption however! I've only had one other parent saying that they don't want their child to be sitting anywhere near him (laughable actually, as her daughter is FAR more disruptive than the autistic boy could ever be!) I do think it's awful though that another parent would actually say that to you? Shock. My autistic boy is more than happy playing on his own, actually much happier. It's so hard. I don't know what to suggest for the best. But I do think your suggestion is excellent - would definitely bring it up with the Head. (they might well not have thought of this themselves, it's great when parents are on side)

Original poster
worrywortisworrying · 10/05/2012 15:57

It was a NO Sad

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