Feeling depressed

[shininglight16]

I won't make this a long one..I don't have the energy to type. I just wanted to say that I've suffered mental abuse from my in-laws and it just won't stop.

My in-laws are sly, cunning, narcissistic and an absolute shit show. I confronted my MIL about her behaviour and she's gone absolutely ballistic. She's become a psychopath and won't stop posting shit on social media that is indirectly aimed at me. I'm at a loss for words. She's triggered my anxiety even more.

She's become so evil that I fear she's going to harm me in some way or the other. I've only met vicious women all over, they hate being told they're wrong or that they're hurting me. They can't bear the thought of someone standing up for themselves. They want to see me broken, sad, depressed and beaten.

I won't be tolerating it, she posted something about me treating her wrong and that I would regret it. Absolute bullshit.

How can someone be so vicious, malicious, conniving, cunning, evil, egomaniac and narcissistic? I wish I never met my in-laws, they've made me go through hell.

I've blocked her now, she must be fuming. Is there anything else I can do? My hands are shaking thinking about how nasty she can be. I don't want to stoop to her level.

Hi @shininglight16 .

Sorry thing's are sh!t. How are you doing.

Do you live with any of these in laws

Unfortunately yes.

Eeeeeh, are you able to get time away from them. Is it mother in law father in law only or also brother/ sisters in law

Sorry my bad I didn't read properly. I thought you said did you live with them, yes I have in the past and they've done a lot of damage.

Their niece who they treat like a daughter mentally abused me and instead of protecting me from her and telling her off my FIL said 'dono haathon se taali bajti hai' which means 'it takes two hands to clap'.

While I stayed in his niece's house when we moved to the UK, she would mentally abuse me, criticise me for everything, put me down and basically make me feel worthless. She didn't like me being career oriented and wanted me and my husband to invest in her business instead. Despite her shenanigans, they chose to support her because she's the so called daughter of the family and to ostracize me.

They bitched about me and his niece lied that I fought with her a lot when in fact I remained silent, and beared it all because I was living in her home.

They didn't bother listening to what I had to say, they gossiped behind my back and they treated me badly.

When my daughter was born, there was lots of interference, I was put down for not being 'quick' at bathing her and for being too slow in changing her clothes etc. I am a first time mum for god's sake, did they expect me to be an expert at handling children? Is she a toy?

They criticised me in front of other guests and then whenever I tried breastfeeding my child and if my MIL heard my baby cry, she came running into the room and took her away. She ruined my milk supply and gave me further depression and anxiety.

My MIL is vicious and has caused me a lot of harm. I simply refuse to be around her.

Sorry you are going through this.

Unfortunately South Asian families can be very dysfunctional.

As you now know that none of them have your back, now you need to grey rock them and keep your interactions to a minimum.

Get out of the house everyday for at least an hour, get some fresh air and peace, say you are taking the baby for a walk.

Where is husband in all of this?
Can you move out?

So sorry you are going through this. I know from personal experience that this is a difficult situation and feels hopeless, but it's good you have reached out and tried to get some support from here.

How old is your baby? If you are still on maternity leave, can you take your baby to baby classes or library etc to get out of the house for a few hours in the day?

Is your husband supporting you or does he side with his family?

Do you have any family or friends who live near you? Could you visit them more often or talk to them about it?

Are you and your husband planning to move out or is this a long term living arrangement?

OP I am sorry to read this.

Where is your husband?He needs to step in.

You really need to get out of there.

This is abuse and it's not right. What does your partner say?

Do you have your own house? Lie low a little and don't look at her posts online. She'll be doing this till the day she dies. Can you avoid them?

They're not living with me right now, they come and go. I've blocked her on social media, I can't believe she's twisting the narrative and pretending to be the victim. Narcissism runs in the family. Their son (my husband's brother) stole my money yet they supported and defended him instead of reprimanding him. MIL got upset that I demanded my money back in front of my mom. She said she was angry that I chose to discuss this in front of my family. Why wouldn't I? They're MY parents, they have every right to know. It hurts their ego? I don't care they better teach their son to stop stealing first!

I can't believe how twisted and evil people can be, they're the worst kinds, absolutely the WORST.

Same with the niece, she tried to get me to cancel interviews and stay at home looking after her baby. They very well knew that I had come to the UK to build my career and not to be sitting at home being a free nanny. She went ballistic when she realized her plan wasn't working. She wanted my hubby to invest 40k in her business but before we came here she told him not to worry and that she would give him work and make him manage one of the stores. It was all LIES. She hardly gave him any work and then told him to go find another job when we refused to invest in her business. Despite all the nastiness, my hubby's parents chose to side with her 'the daughter ' and not my husband and me, according to them I'm an evil daughter-in-law and outsider.

We don't have any family here unfortunately. I'm back to work, had mat leave for a year. They ruined my breastfeeding and I still carry that grief with me.

My husband and I have had loads of fights because of his family. He says he stands by me and that he understands what they've done is wrong but he can't change them because that's how they are.

I'm currently on antidepressants and undergoing therapy/counselling.

Thankfully we don't live with them, they come and go. They are abroad with the other son.

My husband isn't happy with what they've done, he's stood by me and tells me not to fight with him because of them. He says they're not going to change and that that's who they are. He's been through child abuse, his mom used to beat him up black and blue as a kid. I think he may be traumatized by her but has developed a thick skin and wants me to move on too. It's hard because I'm not wired that way.

They've turned me into a villain, I'm the bad daughter in law, how dare I speak up, how dare I stand up for myself, how dare I tell them they're wrong. There's zero guilt or accountability on their behalf, no reflection on their dirty actions.

I've remained silent for too long, not anymore. They've ruined me mentally. MIL gets jealous when my daughter goes to my side of the family to visit. She wants my daughter all for herself, she's obsessed. She keeps bragging about how the other grandkids (from her other son) worship her and want to be around her all the time. I think there's something psychologically wrong with her. When I casually asked (although my intention was to see how she reacts) how close are the other grandkids to their nana/nani (their mother's side) she made a face and said they're not close to their mom's side they only visit them once a year. This isn't true, I'm aware they visit a couple of times a year and they are close to that side too. She just hates the thought of it. It was the face she made that gave it away.

I've seen her true colours by now.

They are horrible, terrible people.
Everyone who has this read this post would agree with you.

But now, you need to let this anger and bitterness go. Because they will not change nor accept their mistakes.

Don't let their toxic behaviour ruin YOUR life and health.

Forgive them as they clearly have no manners or morals and can't be helped. Forget them and move on with your life building new memories with your husband and child.

They add nothing to your life so draw a line and be happy from now on.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It reminded me of Bachan Kaur Athwal (who is now 87 and out of prison).

Some of these MILs are very, very dangerous.

I'm sorry you're in such a terrible situation. It's incredibly difficult. The only good thing you have going for you is that your in-laws live overseas- please use this fact to your advantage. If your husband out yourself are sponsoring them to come over, please stop- if they are British and can come and go as they please; if they threaten you in any way, report them to the police. It's not the done thing in our communities but it's time to change that. Think about the effect they'll be having on your child, it's your duty as a parent to protect your child and the first step is to protect yourself.
Have you got friends who can lend you moral support in person? Whereabouts in the country are you- there's support groups that you might be interested in.

I'm in tears now...my hands and legs have been shaking. I've never stood up for myself before and now that I have they're making me feel guilty, trying to tear me apart and portraying me to be the villain. I feel sorry for my daughter, I wish she had better relatives.

The whole family is toxic, MIL, FIL, brother-in-law, his wife, sister-in-laws etc.

They've ostracized me and isolated me to the extent that when someone visits like a chachi or cousin, the niece asks them not to meet or contact us. She's rich and owns a big business, hence, abuses her power.

No friends...it's been hard for me in this country. I'm based in London.

I think start keeping notes or a timeline/ diary of incidents if you are not already.

Has this sister in law got kids

Yes she has three kids. Her youngest was born when I came here. She wanted me here to babysit him. She knows I'm a career oriented woman and I came here to build my career not to be her son's nanny. She would get aggressive and rude whenever I wanted to go for an interview. She threw a fit when my husband made tea and toast for me one morning because I was running late for an interview. She blasted at me for asking my husband to make tea and said horrible things such as why does my brother have to do things for you. Do it yourself. She went ballistic when she saw him washing his plate, she shouted at me and said wash the plate why is he washing it. Yet, her husband was seen washing his plate, double standards to the core. The family is orthodox and has no principles or values, yet they come across as charming personalities and good people to the outside world. They wear the mask well.

The torture has been unbearable.

Sounds like a horrible situation and I'm not saying it's ok and you can't change what's happened in the past, but if they don't live with you then try not to pay too much attention to the lies they spread.

I know it's not easy and you sound like a caring person but they sound really bitter and toxic and they won't change so try for it not to get to you. I know it's easier said than done. Have you tried to get counselling for yourself?

The chances are most people know that this is a family of trouble makers and liars. Try to live your life with your baby and husband and if they interfere try to cut them off.

If they call, ignore their calls, if they want to come round, say you are going out or even better - don't answer the door.

I've been ignoring calls, I don't speak to her anymore.

In terms of them coming, they'd be flying in from abroad so I can't do the 'not opening the door' thing.

They will come to stay and I won't be able to say no. I will say no to interference, mental abuse, constantly putting me down, passing comments, stealing my money and defend wrong people. I just won't take it anymore, I've had enough.

They're a family of liars, cunning manipulators and schemers. I've seen this first hand. They'll lie about everything and deflect from taking responsibility for their actions. Even trivial things, they'll lie about the smallest of things too. My MIL once decided to make something for breakfast and my FIL wanted to eat something else. He kept that stuff outside of the fridge. MIL got upset and asked who's done this, he told her that it was me who wanted to eat that. Can you believe it? If they can lie about such things, imagine what they can do with money etc.

They will be fighting over ancestral property though in some years. Apparently, there wasn't a will made and everyone's going to be at loggerheads fighting with each other. They stand united when it comes to ostracizing me but when it comes to money or family assets, they'd be fighting against each other.

@shininglight16 there's no point arguing with them hun it's like talking to a brick wall. How does she find out they've been to your parents house? I wouldn't tell them anything due to evil eye and toxicity.

For your own piece of mind interact less and keep it civil. She's probably lying about the other kids and their other grandparents. Never ask anything all you'll get is lies.

Unfortunately it's a common trick be sweet before marriage then true colours come out after.