Mistaken for another Indian colleague

[GreenEggsAndShame]

Not the first time this has happened but I'm one of 2 Indian women in my office and there are colleagues who can't tell us apart. We look very different, I'm slight built she's not. Very different facial features and she has dyed brown hair. Im not sure how to react to this? Do I correct and shrug it off? What else can I do or say?

I'd correct them. I'd be a bit offended, if somebody takes a proper look at you they'll know you from the other Indian wo.an, so it's advertising that they haven't taken a proper look at you. Like you're wallpaper. It'd annoy me.

Black mumsnetters, Jewish mumsnetters and South Asian mumsnetters campaigned for their boards.

Of white mumsnetters haven't bothered to ask (and quite frankly I wouldn't imagine the need is there given the generally assumption on the other boards that everyone is white) then don't come on the South Asian mumsnetters board to moan about it.

FFS it's like men complaining about women's only things because men haven't bothered to set up the men's only equivalent and they are basically moaning that women haven't don't it for them.

To be perfectly honest, I have always had some face/name blindness.
Because I know this, I try particularly hard with colleagues who are black/Asian because I would be mortified for them to think I was being racist.

This thread is really depressing. We're supposed to live in a multi -cultural society but we are constantly segregating ourselves. Why the nastiness? Women are talking about their personal experiences and we're being told to go away because we're not Asian?

I'm mixed race OP so I hope you don't mind me answering?

I also get fed up because I get confused with another woman who is also mixed race, but very different races but I guess we are both the "not quite white" looking women (she is part Korean, I am part Indian, part Jordanian so not even slightly alike)

But on the other hand I have face blindness and have genuine panic at large events where people will expect me to know who they are and I have absolutely no idea. I refuse to be the treasurer for a group I belong to because then I would have to recognise the people paying me money etc and I just literally cannot do it

But I think you can tell from the setting and the person whether they are being lazy and/or racist or if they have made a genuine mistake. So if its bothering you it's probably because their attitude is showing they don't care enough to get it right.

For me it's the people who are dismissive when I point it out that they have the wrong name, they basically brush it off as unimportant, barely register it or act like I'm the one being a pain in the arse for pointing it out that piss me off. The people who aren't arses are usually genuinely apologetic

Do you know what's utterly depressing?.Platitudes like you've just written

Go and read this book-https://www.amazon.co.uk/Longer-Talking-White-People-About/dp/1408870584

Educate yourself before telling off a group of marginalized people how they should behave.

And whilst we are it - segregation-who started that? Yeah the colonizers.

Jesus fucking christ! this is supposed to be a S Asian forum. Why are other women chiming in to say they are blonde?

Op, this happens to me all the time. As well as people getting my 2 syllable name wrong repeatedly, when I am supposed to get their 4 syllable names right. One colleague just said "oh, do you mind if I call you P". Yes, I jolly well do mind.
I had a name badge on the other day, and someone still got my name wrong!

It may not be racism but it is just pure laziness and lack of consideration.

Why be nasty and aggressive about it. It is a universal human experience. We all get muddled up with colleagues, We all do the muddling, including the OP, and including you

Children from Hungary look different from those from Lithuania.

Not If you have facial blindness they don't.

I had a temp job at DC school. The other MSAs mentioned how much my (reception age) DS looked like Billie. Hard to tell them apart. "No he doesn't", I thought, how absurd, tsk.

Out on playground I suddenly couldn't tell if a child 20 feet away was Billie or my own kid. I felt so bewildered. All blond brown eyed small boys look identical, right?

Actually Billie had blue eyes. But I couldn't see that unless close up.

Yes, I feel the same. Plus, I've worked at this company for two years now. The other lady isn't in the same department as me, and we don't sit in close proximity. Fair enough if there's confusion about names but to have a conversation with me that's meant for the other lady ( we have very different roles, she's in legal and mine is creative).
Maybe next time they get me mixed yo with her I'll give legal advice lolll!

It's odd how facial blindness seems to be more pronounced with Asian people, but apparently it's because we all have brown skin and black hair.🙄

Good point, I'm fine if someone is apologetic but very uncomfortable when it's laughed off. I felt so awkward when other colleagues laughed.

I know right. I've mentioned in a previous post that the other lady has dyed brown hair, mine is raven black.

I had no idea that here was such a board, and certainly didn't notice that this was on it when it came up in active.

Very many of us log into mumsnet and go straight to the active list. The branch that the post is on simply isn't noticed when you're just scanning for interesting OP titles. That's why some more sensitive subject boards don't are blocked from appearing in 'active'.

OP, has it not occurred to you that people were laughing at the dickhead who confused the two of you, not at you? He/ she/ they are probably renowned for it.

It’s racism. I 100% don’t believe people can’t tell you apart - they are doing this deliberately to ‘keep you in your place’. Keep a diary of dates, times and who confuses you with that colleague - you’ll find patterns emerging.

To give my example I’m Indian and certain white people used to ‘confuse’ me with a male colleague with the same first name but only when I or my team had given them a deadline (so they could give me an excuse that they submitted it to the wrong person). I basically plotted the data I collected against work related deadlines provided to individuals raised a HR grievance and got them both sacked for gross misconduct.

People I work with are just wallpaper. I go to work to pay the rent, it's a necessary evil. I'm shocking with names to faces, though male faces are the worst. I can remember if I make an effort, but I have no interest in making the effort with colleagues. The colleagues natiionality or colour is irrelevant. I'm polite, but would I remember your name? - probably not.
The people who are important to me are friends and family.

As mentioned this is the latest incident, he's not the only one who gets confused. Even if they're laughing at him, it does make me feel awkward.

I've mixed very different people up because they started on the same day or worked on the same team. So not necessarily being racist

I called my daughters best friend by another friends name the other day. I've known her 5 years.

I started a new job on the same day as another person and we were put in a small office together. We were both female, brown hair, similar age, and our names began with the same letter. But we were very different physically, different nationalities. To the other people in work we were just the 'new women' in that office and people were still mixing us up months later.

Years later I have more sympathy for his hard it can be to tell people apart that you don't see often as I realise I am also rubbish at it! I teach tutorial groups and when I get the photos of my new group of students I'm always happy if they've got distinguishing features and look obviously different to each other. At the moment I've two men with beards and glasses that I constantly confuse. Previously, there were 5 students in a group who all had almost identical long blonde hair - I had a nightmare telling them apart from one week to the next. But I'm always happy for people to correct me and I always apologise if I do make a mistake with names.

I'm was forever getting mixed up with someone else at work, only similarity was skin and hair colour. Genuinely don't think there was any malice in it, people just don't pay enough attention!

My apologies OP I'm not from an Asian background and didn't realise which group this was when I posted above as I linked via active thread. I'll leave my best wishes and skiddaddle back out!

Oh for the love of!

Please no more posts from anyone giving anecdotes about mixing up children’s named accidentally, or that time people confused two blonde women.

It’s not the same.

Consider this. A team goes to see a patient. The female consultant has a detailed discussion with the patient about their condition, and at the end the patient says ‘thank you, nurse’. There’s nothing inherently wrong in being called nurse, but it highlights the unconscious bias and sexism that exists. It’s infantilising. It is a microaggression every working woman is familiar with. Men would never get it, and would equally counter with ‘oh once someone thought I was the IT guy when actually I’m a window. It’s all good, I don’t mind’.

This situation is sort of like that. It is a microaggression.
OP, I would correct the person with a serious face once. If they do it again, call them out on it ‘we’ve been here before. Why do you mix us up?’

I'm white and did this to one of my Asian colleagues recently and felt terrible - I married an Indian man too so it's not like I really think 'they all look the same'. (In my defence I'm not that great with white people's names either!)