Mistaken for another Indian colleague

[GreenEggsAndShame]

Not the first time this has happened but I'm one of 2 Indian women in my office and there are colleagues who can't tell us apart. We look very different, I'm slight built she's not. Very different facial features and she has dyed brown hair. Im not sure how to react to this? Do I correct and shrug it off? What else can I do or say?

You do know you don't have to announce your departure? Much ado about flouncing off ...

In all honesty, not particularly. I take short term contracts a lot, if I work with someone repeatedly then I'll probably remember them, but otherwise I get my head down, get on with my work, no interest in chatting and socialising with work colleagues. Sometimes people won't remember your name, it's not a micro aggression, you just aren't important to them. But I will add, I don't get their names wrong either, that is rude, I will admit to not knowing it and I am genuinely shit with faces.

@Namemchangeforthispostonly101 the point of posting in a forum like this, is to ask if this is something commonly faced in my community and ask how to respond. See my initial post. Anyway, I've since come to learn that this pile on is also done on the Blackmumsnetters forum too. Shame.

To anyone concerned about face blindness look up 'prosopagnosia', this is a neurological condition I've had all my life but only came across the condition in the last few years. My face blindness is so severe l often don't recognise my family members out of context. It can be extremely perturbing, frustrating and embarrassing. If l see my neighbour in her garden l know it's her, if l see her in the supermarket I don't recognise her and blank her, if she speaks to me l still may or may not recognise her. It's got worse with age as I'm not so good at developing strategies to cope/hide it. Realising it's a neurological condition has helped me explain it to family and others but people generally have no idea how bad it can be.

There was a CBBC programme about this, the young girl was so severely affected that she couldn't recognise her own mother. Interestingly Duncan Balllantyne was interviewed, surprisingly he also has it.

https://www.bbc.com/mediacentre/proginfo/2013/13/my-life-who-are-you-week-13

I would like to gently suggest that focusing on face blindness, while fascinating, is a derail from the OP's actual issue and a denial/distraction from the racism apparent in the treatment she is facing.

Yes people have varying degrees of recognition and memory issues, but when you are a person of colour in a majority white environment, having your identity and individuality carelessly and repeatedly diminished, and people laughing about it, as the OP described is very problematic.

Also the knowledge that in correcting people you make yourself an active target rather than just a passive one. It also takes strength and confidence to pipe up and say: that is not my name. It even takes mental energy to ignore until the other person self corrects.

@GreenEggsAndShame if you feel strong can you correct (with a smile if you can manage it) just to say : my name is...

If you feel really bold you could try asking why do you keep calling me that, it's mot my name

If you feel funny you can answer with "yes Barry (not name of person"

If you feel bolshy you can ignore.

But all of it is crap and you shouldn't have to. And you always, as we have seen played out on this thread, risk a defensive/aggressive response of denial and accusation.

If you feel funny you can answer with "yes Barry (not name of person"

I am going to to do this on the occasions I am wearing a name badge, as I think there is zero excuse then.

I was one of just 2 South Asian pupils in my class at primary school. I had hair down to my waist and the other girl had a bob.

Our class teacher often called me the other girl's name.

It's racist, lazy and a microagression. I bet you they are the sort of person who says they don't see colour!

I know it's hard in the workplace but you need to make a point when it happens - ask them why they muddle you. At least then they'll remember you as the stroppy one!

Thank you! I'm an introvert and non-confrontational so it's hard for me to summon the courage to pose a question like that. But I will, the next time it happens.
It's hard enough to have to deal with my ethnic name being constantly mispronounced, it's shit to be mixed up with someone else.

It is hard. But again, every time they mispronounce your name, correct them. Bet you they can say Tchaikovsky!

I realised i muddle up two students but I apologise and try harder. It doesn't sound like your colleagues are trying very hard. And it's not up to you to make them feel comfortable.

everybody gets people muddled up, and everybody ends up with people getting them muddled up with other people, it is normal life, and not in any way racist. In fact it is racist to accuse people of being racist, based on their race!

I get children at school muddled up. If I get two the same ethnicity as me muddled up it is barely noticed or commented on, if I get two children of a different ethnicity to me muddled up it is an excuse to disrupt the lesson and call me every name under the sun. Why? Calling me names is purely racist, it is something that happens because of my ethnic origin and for no other reason.

People muddle me up with other women of my ethnic origin all the time - who cares? ( including people of the same ethnic origin as I am confusing me with others) it is normal life - get over it.

No, please don't do this. Don't tell her to get over it.

Do not minimise someone's real lived experience. It is a real valid microaggression. You can choose to live with your experiences, you have no right to tell her what to accept.

Read this again;

I'm one of 2 Indian women in my office and there are colleagues who can't tell us apart. We look very different, I'm slight built she's not. Very different facial features and she has dyed brown hair.

@GreenEggsAndShame bloody hell, it didn't take very long for a pale person to interject with their absolute comparable experience: NOT.
Please keep calling people out!

Have been thinking about this thread. 2 things are true:

1. people mix very different people up for many reasons not just race
2. darker skinned ethnic minorities don't get promoted as easily as white majority

Is this lack of promotion partly because people are mixing people up, so not seeing them clearly as a person, or just general racism is the question. Note the racism could be unconscious bias. Would diversity training on not mixing people up help?

@Halfemptyhalfling I do believe that statistics show that ethnic minorities tend to be overlooked at workplaces.
Understand that people can mix others up but in a place of work if it can impact promotions etc that's an issue.
I like your idea on diversity training, it's not something my workplace is big on which us odd given that it's a well known company.

I'd like to relate a story that my friend shared with me recently. She's also of Indian origin, her daughter A attends a small private school. There's is another Indian family whose daughter B is in the same class. The teacher sometimes gets my friend and B's mother mixed up. Once talking about B's health issues to my friend (Mother of A).

Hopefully more people will put in more effort in knowing people as individuals and distinguishing them instead of being so nonchalant.

@IhateHPSDeaneCnt I know right! I didn't realize that a thread for South Asian Mumsnetters would appear on Active. I was under the impression it would only be visible to those who searched for it.

I dunno, if I'm honest I can't really differentiate boomer white people either. Once they hit about 65+ they start looking the same to me. Especially female actors, less so people in real life but their still at risk. It's lazy recognition on their and my part.