Can someone come and talk to me about controlled crying, because DS is actually BRUISED from us trying it last night

[kveta]

At the end of our tether with DS (9 months), so we decided, after speaking to numerous folk who have had success with it, to try it, and see if we can get him to self settle.

So, I fed him, usual time, after bath. Put him down in his cot, gave him dummy, and left the room. DP in next room so he can deal with the fallout. It started OK, except DS thought it was a game. DP just went in and laid him back down every time DS was standing. This went on for maybe 15 minutes, before DS started yelling too. DP would leave him for 5 minutes, then go in, lay him back down, and replace dummy, then leave the room again. DS was getting more and more screamy, so after 30 minutes in total, I returned upstairs, as I could hear him getting distressed.

Well, DS was screaming his little heart out, tears gushing from his eyes, and he'd started head butting the bars of his cot too. he has a small bruise on his forehead from that

We gave up on CC for the night, and I cuddled/fed him to sleep, which took 45 minutes. He woke up 2 hours later and ended up in our bed for the rest of the night.

I can't have him sleeping all night in our bed, both DP and I are knackered. DP wants to give CC another go tonight, but I'm not sure what to do. We need some sleep.

Can you please tell me how CC worked/didn't work for you?

Hello again! Does seem to make sense about the sleep regression. I can see that my DS is grappling with alot of developmental changes at the mo. Kaveta - when you say pinning him down, that is what it feels like. He gets tired but also very overactive and clinging onto me and if I carry him he's wriggling all over the place and biting my shoulder. And we have loads of time with him doing that before he relaxes enough to sleep!
Angeldog - yes the chuckling too, one minute I think he's really tired, the next minute he's laughing hyterically!

Ah well, it's a phase I guess!

CoonRapids, I'm having a very similar problem at the moment, actually - DS is jsut learning to roll and within a couple of days flipped straight from starting to self-settle in the day to grand-scale nap resistance.

I'm sure you could spot our different soothing methods by where the slobber patches on us are - I get bitten on the arm as DS is bounced in a cradled position.

I think controlled crying is cruel.I do know the complete dementia of lack of sleep,but I think cc with small babies is just horrible.I found that having my babies next to me in bed meant I woke pretty much as they did,so they didn't often cry,which meant that DH had a full night's sleep and I had breakfast in bed.

hellymelly - do you have to get up at 6 to get ready for work too? I do, and DS does not sleep peacefully either, so co-sleeping is out now - we were co-sleeping until very recently, but he kicks and bits, and gets up to clamber over me, and ends up headbutting us - I have a cut on my lip from him headbutting me this morning when I brought him into bed for a feed, plus my nipples are shredded.

So basically, unless he sleeps well, I am up and down all night, feeding him, soothing him, etc etc, then I have to get him up, dressed, breakfasted, I also get lunch for all 3 of us (DP included) whilst DP showers, then I shower whilst he has breakfast, then get all our lunches/breast pump/cool bags together, get DS and myself out the door, drop him at the childminders, drive up the motorway to work, work from 8.45-2.30 with 20 minutes break to express, drive back down the motorway, pick him up from childminder, drive home, wash up after breakfast/lunch/breast pump, feed DS, get some washing on, play with him, get dinner ready, then DP gets home, we eat, one of us baths him, othewr wases up after dinner, hangs up washing, I then feed DS to try and get him to sleep etc etc etc. Every bloody day of the working week. Except that now on 2 or 3 days I also have phone conferences in the afternoons, during which I have to keep DS quiet and try and sound professional too! Plus DP is in the middle of a hideous project at work which requires him to be there 8.30-7, 5 days a week - and it's a 1.5 hour commute in each direction. With a decent night's sleep it would be fine - without, it's exhausting!

(I'm not saying this to say 'ooh, poor me', or anything like that - just trying to explain why a decent night's sleep wouldn't go amiss once in a while it's fine putting DSs needs first, but I have to take into account my needs and DPs needs too occasionally!)

Kveta that just shows how you have to look at sleep issues in the context of the whole family and everyone's routines and needs. So whether to use cc or not and/or other sleep training methods is not an easy question to answer.

No,I don't have to get up at 6am to work,but I did have a daughter who was a terrible sleeper and still at 3 doesn't usually sleep without waking at least once.At your baby's age she was waking six times a night and I had a toddler too,so I really do know what its like to go without sleep.I even shelved trying for a third baby as I was so completely worn out.I am not judging you even though it probably sounded like it,but I do really think cc is cruel,particularly so in a baby this young,as other posters have said,he is too young for cc.I know going without sleep is horrible,but I don't know why there is this expectation that very young babies will sleep through the night,because so many of them don't that it must be our biology.I am sorry you are worn out,but I don't think controlled crying is the way forward in a young baby.

Hi Kveta - this thread title jumped out at me after popping into the post-natal thread.

Nothing I can say will help - all babies are so different, so what works for one won't work for another and no one knows yours like you do, so trust your instincts