Has anyone tried controlled crying?

[ollysmum1]

iv just started to use this method on my 4 month old, my health visitor told me i should because my son will only sleep for at most 2 hours strait and she said it was not good for him or me, in the past i have tried everything else to get him to sleep longer but it has just become so bad the other night i was up 13 times with him, once for 2 hours. anyway what i would like to know is has anyone used this technique on their baby and did it work?, iv read so many bad things about leaving your baby to cry like they will become insecure and untrusting and it is making me feel really guilty, but i am really at the end of my teather. The most i ever leave him without checking him is 15 mins so its not like im just leaving him to cry. Any sucess stories would be greatly welcomed, i guess i just need some reassurance. Thanks.

mat could be right - my DS had silent reflux and was a terrible sleeper. I'm glad I didn't try controlled crying as it took us a few months to realise that's what the problem was

Co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone - if it's not your bag, fair enough, don't do it. It's not really my preferred option (sharing the family bed, anyway), but worth a try if it gives me and DD a slightly better night.

Personally, I'm not anti CC, but the advice is it works better on older babies when they can start to understand a causal pattern better. My sister, who is a very loving, attached mum, did CC with her 4 DCs - but not until they were about 16 months old. And incidentally, while it worked quickly and well with her three DDs, it didn't work for her DS. It isn't always the answer.

londonlottie, I can appreciate that there would be long-lasting effects if a child is "not being responded to when it persistently tries to communicate". This, however, is not my understanding of CC. The child is always responded to, albeit with a slight delay and with minimal talking and cuddling. They are soothed and calmed and I wouldn't leave a room until the baby had been comforted. Also, we are usually talking about a period of, at the most a couple of weeks, not months or years. Most people will be successful after 2 or 3 days.
With regards to still rocking a child to sleep at 18 months, each to their own, but how would you do this with twins? Or how would you read your 3 year old a bedtime story if they go to bed at the same time. Not everyone will have two parents available at bedtime. What if you are ill and unable to rock baby? Would they let someone else rock them to sleep? What if you needed to use a babysitter? this is not about inconvenience - it is real life.
I used CC with both my boys (to an extent). They weren't left screaming for hours on end, they were shown, in a calm, loving and gentle way, that they were safe and secure enough in their own beds to go to sleep, knowing that Mummy or Daddy would always come back if they needed them.
CC isn't for everyone, I can understand that, but I don't agree that it is psychologically damaging.
With regards to co-sleeping, I am not necessarily against it, it just seems that risks are higher with this than leaving a child to cry for a few minutes at a time. I would also be more inclined to believe the article publicjed on the FSIDs website as opposed to a WIKI article which could have been written by your next door neighbour.

You will never get a clear answer on this as its such a contentious issue and within limits there is no right and wrong, its just what suits your baby and you the best. I used cc on one of my children when he was about 4 months old. It worked for him in 3 nights but it was horrible listening to the crying. The plus side: I have two children under the age of two and a half who sleep consistently through the night, are very happy and contented to go to sleep my eldest actually asks to go to bed when he is tired. The down side is that of course I question myself and if my eldest has a grumpy day I ask myself if it was because of cc, funnily I don't do the same with my daughter who has just as many grumpy days and whom I never needed to do CC with! The moral of this story I guess is whatever you do you will question yourself as this is part of being a mum! My advice is if you do cc do it as gently and slowly as possible not cold turkey as some people suggest.

There's loads of advice here already, so this is probably not needed, but just to say that my 7 month old DS went through teh 4 month sleep regression, waking every 2 hours. I was exhausted, and he was really grizzly in the day. However, I stuck with it, and didn't do CC until he was 6 months old, and I'm really pleased I waited. That time DID go fast, even though I thought it'd never end at the time.

Just to add to the argument raging about pick up/put down etc though... I DID try it for a while for my son and it felt like I was just teasing. CC was massively more effective for him. I could pick up/ put down for ages with him and he'd just get more and more wound up. No baby is the same.

Sorry it's probabyl not what you want to hear, but truly, in hindsight I'm so glad I waited a couple of months, however hard they were.

just letting you all know i dont want to leave my baby to cry but it has become so bad im scared that it is going to drive me to depression as my whole daytime life is falling apart and my night times are spent crying in my babies room because he wont sleep and i am so exausted. i think i will have to give this a go and see what happens, and i will just have to make it up to him during the day with extra love and attention, thank you all for you advice.

Go for it then and good luck! Like you say, you have to do what you feel is best for your baby, and as a loving mummy you know best! The whole love thing in the day is vital, isn't it. I'm sure that makes up for masses! Hope it didn't sound like I was disaproving. We all do what we can to get through!!!

ollysmum1 Good luck with it

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It is used against prisoners of war, and both my ds's have been awful sleepers and settlers. We can all only do what we feel isbest for those concerned and follow our own instincts.
I hope things improve soon

I'm sorry- I know you're desperate, butyou have to know thY even the person who first wrote about controlled crying didn't suggest doing it with a baby as young as yours. He really is too young- it will get better soon if you just stick it out a bit longer.

but please try co-sleeping first. It often works like magic - and the last think you need is any more stress.

ollysmum how is he in the day? Is he getting enough naps? If you can get him napping the day, then the nights should get better as he might be overtired (hence crying and not settling). The risk is you do controlled crying and he cries for a long time, falls asleep with exhaustion as opposed to learning to self settle. Then he'll wake again. What happens if he's hungry?

Try making sure he naps in the day after being awake for no more than 90 mins - go for a walk, put him the sling, go for a drive etc etc. Getting out of the house will help you both.

Adding a bit of structure to his day and putting him to bed early (6.30pm-7pm) will also help. Get a consistent but short bedtime routine that leads up to bedtime will help relax him. At this age with my DS, we just did quick bath, lullabies then fed to sleep in the dark. We found we were putting him to bed too late (8pm) and he just wouldn't sleep. Early bedtime made a HUGE difference.

Perhaps map out a little routine for him - that will give you some control, but don't get too hung up if it doesn't work right away - usually takes a week or so.

Good luck.

we have just started a new bedtime routine which includes bathtime, music and bottle, but with regard to him napping, they are also very short, sometimes only 2o mins so i do think he is over tired and unable to settle himself so i am also trying to get him to sleep longer in the day, if he cries in the night and is not due a feed i give him some water and that usually helps, i have also started putting him to bed at 7, so i am really trying everything i can, letting him cry really isnt the easy option for me. Co sleeping is not an option as my partner smokes so is not safe for Olly. Thank you all again, i know people have very diferent opinions about controlled crying and i thank you all for you input.

olly, my DS was like yours and it was sheer hell. Have you got a sling? That helped DS sleep longer in the day.

Also have you tried white noise? You can use an old FM radio or download it for free. This still helps now (he's 8 months).

If you work on his morning nap first - so watch his tired signs after he wakes (glazed eyes, jerky movements, turning away). Sometimes this can be as soon as 45 mins after waking. As soon as you see the signs, get him napped (don't hang about). The sooner you do it, the better. From then, you can get the next nap sorted by reading his signs.

Ollysmum, I wsn't going to post on your thread again - you don't want to read the same thing over and over again, but something in your last message made me think. You say "if he cries in the night and is not due a feed i give him some water and that usually helps," Are you absolutely sure he's not hungry? He's still quite little - what happens if you give him more milk? It can't do any harm - most babies of this age still need milk in the night. He may not be "due" a feed, but he may be having a growth spurt. Why not try feeding him when he wakes up and see what happens?