Has anyone tried controlled crying?

[ollysmum1]

iv just started to use this method on my 4 month old, my health visitor told me i should because my son will only sleep for at most 2 hours strait and she said it was not good for him or me, in the past i have tried everything else to get him to sleep longer but it has just become so bad the other night i was up 13 times with him, once for 2 hours. anyway what i would like to know is has anyone used this technique on their baby and did it work?, iv read so many bad things about leaving your baby to cry like they will become insecure and untrusting and it is making me feel really guilty, but i am really at the end of my teather. The most i ever leave him without checking him is 15 mins so its not like im just leaving him to cry. Any sucess stories would be greatly welcomed, i guess i just need some reassurance. Thanks.

It's definitely not advised, he's too young.

however, i don't have an answer for your problem so I'm not going to critisise you either.

Have you tried taking him into your bed? Ds2 always slept in my bed, it meant he slept.

Four months is a sleep regression time. You need to wait it out (I know how hard that is, mine was an awful sleeper then too) and do what you can to get some sleep in the daytime. We coslept and I also napped with my daughter in the daytime and my husband picked up a lot of the slack until the phase passed.

It does pass, you don't need to teach your baby to sleep, he's just four months old and exciting things are happening in his brain.

Do you have a partner who can let you sleep at weekends? Can you nap with your son during the day? Those things help a lot to get through this.

What is the worst that can happen during controlled crying? If guidelines are followed correctly and parent keeps returning to the room, I fail to see how the baby will become insecure.
In contrast, the SIDS charity do not recommend co-sleeping, especially with a baby under 6 months.

I tried at 8 months out of desperation, and it was AWFUL, and it didn't work. I felt so much better when I stopped, after three nights trying, even though the sleep was still awful...

Not very helpful, sorry, but it was awful. Felt all wrong, and really upset my daughter.

Your 4 month old child is trying to communicate with you during a time of great developmental change. I know how hard it is, dd was the same, but you need to respond to your baby.

what exactly is the problem? Is he waking from sleep? Or just not settling properly in the first place? When you were up with him was he wide awake, or asleep but you couldn't put him down?
I too would, and do, co sleep.

It IS tough, but CC isn't recommended for babies under 6 months.

When I last read the FSIDS website, it suggested that co-sleeping didn't raise the risk of SIDS if guidelines were observed and the baby hadn't been born prematurely or of low birth weight.

My DD is currently going through the same thing and I lost count of the number of times she woke up last night. I took her into bed with me eventually (she's only in a sidecar arrangement as it is!) and she was calmer then. It meant we both got a bit more rest.

Poor you. Sleep deprivation sucks. It should start to improve again soon (I'm telling myself this too!!)

"The safest place for your baby to sleep is in a crib or cot in a room with you for the first six months.
· It?s especially dangerous for your baby to sleep in your bed if you (or your partner):
· are a smoker, even if you never smoke in bed or at home
· have been drinking alcohol
· take medication or drugs that make you drowsy
· feel very tired; or if your baby:
· was born before 37 weeks
· weighed less than 2.5kg or 5½ lbs at birth
· Don?t forget, accidents can happen: you might roll over in your sleep and suffocate your baby; or your baby could get caught between the wall and the bed, or could roll out of an adult bed and be injured."
I lifted this from the FSIDS website.
All I am trying to say is that, although controlled crying may not be for everyone, it isn't putting a baby in any real danger. Co-sleeping, on the other hand could potentially be extremely dangerous. Even if you don't hit any of the other criteria, how many parents of small children can honestly say they aren't very tired?

"All I am trying to say is that, although controlled crying may not be for everyone, it isn't putting a baby in any real danger". Well, that's matter of opinion. I took the view that crying was a baby's way of communicating and ignoring this was quite a dangerous choice. Books like why love matters explain the longterm negative effects of ignoring a baby's cries.

There are also negative affects to a child being unable to sleep without the aid of another person. I would rather go through a couple of weeks of sitting outside my child's door and comforting in a quiet, calm way every few minutes and gradually withdrawing than go through months, and sometimes years, of a child waking in tears every couple of hours and having to be rocked back to sleep. That can't be good for baby or parent.

Controlled crying should not be used on young babies as far as I know.

My DS wouldn't sleep for more than two hours at 4 months - it's when babies go through huge developmental and physical spurts so find it difficult to sleep.

I got through it by sleeping in the day, co-sleeping (which can be done safely - DS had his own side of the bed, duvet was tucked away so couldn't be covered and I wore thick jimjams. This meant that as soon as he stirred, I could feed and he'd go back to sleep.

As soon as I tried to put him in a cot and he was waking every two hours, it became a lot harder as I'd wake, pick him up, feed, put back in cot, resettle. All of this could take an hour which was soul destroying as I knew he'd wake up in another hour.

In hingsight I wished I had co-slept longer!

As he got older, he learned to self settle and sleep for longer stretches in his cot. Without controlled crying. Now he's 8 months, sleeps in his cot and can soothe himself to sleep as I helped him get there without leaving him to cry. Yes, there are times he still needs rocking to sleep, but he needs me and I will help him grow out of it.

My ds was a lot like yours and would also only ever nap on me. I just had to accept it as I too believe a baby's cry should always be responded to.
We co-slept from 4 months - he had a very noticable developmental disturbed sleep thing and it was the only way I could cope.
He is now 18 mo and all is good. He has learnt to self settle when he wakes up. I have never trained him to do anything it's all just come naturally over time. I do still hold him as he goes to sleep but I see no problem with this as it takes 20 mins max and this too he will grow out of. We still co-sleep (but I go to bed much later) and he doesn't disturb me 'til it's time to get up. I only co-sleep now due to lack of beds!!
There is so much that happens over the first year physically and developmentally which affects babies sleep (growthspurts, teething, crawling, walking, illness etc)that I think it would be much easier actually (and less soul destroying)to go with the flow instead of perhaps trying to train a baby to sleep when it just wants holding.
However you have to do what you think is best at the end of the day. And it is flipping hard isn't it?!! But honestly it does get easier!
Wishing you all the best

Controlled crying is always such an emotive subject on mumsnet! I used a form of controlled crying with my babies but they were older than 6 months and it was really just a grizzle for ten mins at bedtime until they learned to settle. I don't think I could have handled all out screaming/crying.

The trouble with health visitors is they sometimes don't look at the whole picture. Like how mcuh is your baby sleeping in the day? Does he have positive sleep associations etc. I have learned all of this through necesseity. lol!

My view is that you do need to teach your baby to sleep, but do it gently if you can. He is little and needs your help to learn how.

I get my sleep advice from a baby sleep website that is really good and I'm sure I overpromote it but do get some advice from somewhere before you start controlled crying. Otherwise you will not be sure if you're doing the right thing and either give up, feel guilty or worse.

Whatever you do, best of luck. Remember that teh choices you make for your family are only for you to judge, not others.

It worked with me! But DD was a bit older than your baby, around 8 months old. The health visitor also suggested I do it and I'm really glad I took her advice.

If she was crying, I'd go in after about 10 or 15 minutes and say something like "time to sleep, night night" and leave, no touching her or anything. And kept doing that from time to time, but letting her cry. Definitely not picking her up.

It was tough at first, cos all you want to do is rush in and hold them. It took us a week to get her to sleep by herself again. First day she cried for over an hour and we just had to hold our ground. Second day crying reduced to one hour, then 40 minutes and so on. Now she does it all herself.

I know there are many people against it, but here's one success story for you. Good luck!

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"Nothing else worked. They never settled in bed with me. Pick up, put down and all the rest were a disaster.:

You can't have tried any of those methods for long if you tried them all and decided that none of them worked before your baby was 4 months old!

Hmm. I'm a bit torn by this tbh. IMO, if it feels wrong to you, then it is wrong and you should stop, but having said that, i did it with ds1 at about 4 months too. It took 3 nights and then he'd settle fine.
I remember being really happy with it at the time, but now looking back I wonder if I did the right thing.
With ds2, I do a mix between CC and pick up/put down.
When I put him to bed, if he cries, I go in after a minute or so and pick him up for a cuddle, when he calms down, I put him back in the cot and gently pat him or stroke his head (he really likes that), then i leave and if he cries again, I go back after a few minutes and pick him up again and so on.
Some nights it can take as long as 45 minutes, but for the most part he is ok. My ds2 is 16 months though.
At 4 months with him, I wasstill sitting by the cot holding his hand through the bars.

Part of me does think 4 months is too young for this now, but he other part is saying that you know what's right for your baby and should follow your instincts. Your instincts are telling you it's not right to do the CC, so don't do it.

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I used pick up put down with my 4 month old and it took a week to pay off but she now sleeps easily from 7pm to 8am and goes down for her naps without a peep. Worth a try? And if it really doesn't work, and you want to try a form of controlled crying, then you could use pick up put down cry down. But 4 months is quite young.

"But my babies went from being miserably tired and crying all day longer, to being calm and content, and both falling asleep and then waking up babbling and gurgling..."

Good. But your post suggested that you had tried all other possibilities and they hadn't worked. And people reading this thread for information might well be misled by this.

when my dd was 6 mths old my HV told me that she should be sleeping thru and gave me a leaflet on controlled crying.

I did try it. I found it difficult and initially I was getting up 10-15 times a night. But gradually this reduced and she was sleeping thru within 2 weeks.

But it is hard hearing your baby cry and getting distressed. I used to cry myself.

However, when ds was born he slept thru from 1 month old.

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Not sure how helpful this will be as we did the worst thing (according to all the experts) and were completely inconsistent.

We didn't do full-on controlled crying (I couldn't face it), but did try giving the baby the chance to settle himself, by leaving him for maybe five minutes, re-settling, and then no more than ten minutes. We would also go in if he was clearly sobbing hysterically, rather than wailing a bit. We used lots of rocking, shushing and rhythmical patting as well. Co-sleeping never worked, as he just seemed too hyper-alert and distracted by us, and I was also too scared (small bed, v. tall, heavy-sleeping husband).

We had some terrible nights, and I never thought he would learn to settle himself, but eventually (and it was probably just after four months, when he learnt to roll) he just did, and the sleeping has improved since then, with some wobbles.

Don't feel bad about wanting to try controlled crying though. Lack of sleep is more than just an inconvenience to parents, it can make you feel seriously unwell, mentally and physically. I think at this point, having 'a plan' is comforting because it makes it feel like you are in control, but muddling through probably works equally well. Make sure you are getting out and getting plenty of fresh air and sunshine though, it should help you both.

Also, what is the baby like during the day? If he seems uncomfortable (writhing around and archinghis back, wet, smelly belches etc) then could he possibly have silent reflux?