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Sleep

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Original poster

My 4.5 year old wakes 3 - 8 yimes a night - it's slowly killing me. What can I do?

38 replies

IBlameThePMT · 31/03/2010 14:03

My DS1 has always been a bit of a trial at bed, from taking hours to settle as a baby, to waking and wanting to be up for hours at 2am when he was 1, to waking up for the day at 4 am as a toddler. I know all about sleep deprivation. He seemed to get better at 3 years tho, settled well, slept thro, was a bit early still but could live with that.

Now tho, he settles fine but then wakes up in the night anything from 3 to 8 times a night. His reasons include needing a wee, blanket falling off (even when it hasn't), loosing his bear, hearing strange noises, needing a drink, wanting to know when its time to get up etc etc

Some of these we can plan for eg blanket clipped on now, drink by his bed, check bear is there before we go to bed ourselves etc but he still wakes and needs us. I am loathe to be too hard on him because I think at least some of it is being woken by bad dreams, but Im really feeling like this is unsustainable and I just do not know how to handle it and what we could do. Any advice would be great. TIA.

OP posts:

thelittlebluepills · 31/03/2010 20:13

I certainly support the no reward for waking but also how about a chart?

with sad faces on for every time you get woken - so you can show him "look when there are lots of sad faces mummy is too tired to take you to the park/do fun things/etc etc" and then when there are fewer sad faces you can say "mummy feels a bit tired so we could go to the park but if mummy didn't feel tired at all we could go to the museum/swimming pool etc"?

Original poster

IBlameThePMT · 31/03/2010 20:14

We go to him. He is scared to get out of bed on his own.

If I tried not to talk he would kick off big style.

Feel over a barrel really, which is probably of our own making But I guess if Im honest I feel we are treading on egg shells with him, which of course gives him the power. It has always been like that with him, we are just trying to avoid making things even worse but are probably just being ineffectual.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 31/03/2010 20:26

Can you take a couple of weeks of life to crack it with him?

Can you give him a warning one night that this is the last night you will get up to him and after that he has to get up to you. Then the next night tell him you will not get out of bed and go to him anymore but if he needs you he is welcome to come to you?

Then you have to follow through and see out the tantrums?

Original poster

IBlameThePMT · 31/03/2010 20:30

I think you are right CarGirl, we need to be firmer about it all. I think we will have to do what you suggest, its just getting daft at the mo tbh. But really not looking forward to it!

Thanks for your input btw!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 31/03/2010 20:32

I do not envy you at all. Can you and your dh do it in shifts, can he take some time off work?

I would dangle a big carrott too - bike/scooter/coveted toy?

Sleep deprevation is the worst.

Original poster

IBlameThePMT · 31/03/2010 20:44

Yes, DH will share it, we share night shifts already, else I really would be in the funny farm by now.

Much to think about here actually, but need to go to bed now, unsurprisingly! Thanks for everyoens help.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 31/03/2010 20:46

would it be bad to suggest drugging him for a couple of nights so you can catch up on some sleep before you crack it

biddyofsuburbia · 31/03/2010 21:01

Have had problems with both DS and DD. Did one night of hell (tough love) with DS - it worked and broke a terrible cycle of waking and crying (he was 3.5)

DD I bribed. I used a reward chart for both DC and the sleeping was not the only thing they were rewarded for - I made up some other things like remembering to say please and thank you etc. The line about sleeping was ' I will sleep all night', rather than 'I will not wake up'. The reward was expensive. It worked. Haven't got advice just thought I would tell you what I did. Hope things improve & that you are getting sleep rather than reading my post!

tinierclanger · 31/03/2010 21:07

There is a suggestion in No Cry Sleep Solution along the reward lines, think it involved wrapping 20 or so tiny presents to open in the morning if they manage to stay in bed (not all in one go of course, one each day!) then when you've got through them all you rewrap and start again...

olivo · 01/04/2010 08:44

Iblame, we are having the exact same with DD! who is 3 1/2. her reasons are much like your DSs, it has been going on for 5 weeks now, and with 7mo DD2 up 3+ times a night, i'm knackered! she will freak if DH goes in to her sos it's always me
sometimes, she gets hyserical and kicks and screams. the sticker chart is redundant, consequences aren't working ( have shot myself in the foot with no TV in the holidays!)
am about to start working my way back through the NCSS for preschoolers. please post back if you find a solution, I will too.

I have 2 weeks beofre going back to work, to sort this sorry mess out!

Original poster

IBlameThePMT · 01/04/2010 11:40

Thanks for all the replies, had a good night's sleep last night so feeling very bouncy today

He only woke once last night, which was probably pure coincidence BUT:

I took his light out of his room and had the bathroom light on instead so there was less light actually in his room, near his face. Im wondering if it may have been too bright and messing up his sleep hormones or whatever?

we are trying rewards again, but as tinierclanger suggests, we are doing a small reward each morning rather than working towards one

I have cut down what he can drink afternoons to stop him weeing twice in the night (obvious I know!)

So at least there are things to try, to see if they do help. No doubt will try other suggestions if I need to at some point.

Olivio, I have loads of sympathy for you. You must be truly exhausted. Does your DH at least see to DD2? Perhaps DD1 needs the tough love thing, as suggested to me(easier to advise it than do it!)and you just let DH go to her and thats that. If its mummy she wants I guess the novelty will wear off..?

But I know I have wimped from challenging my DS so it is hard to do, I know. Who wants a child in meltdown at 3 in the morning when you're so tired.

Good luck with it, hope its a phase thing that passes soon.

OP posts:

olivo · 01/04/2010 14:19

thanks, i blame. it's interesting you mentioning the night light, we wondered about that? I'm current;y trying to deal with them both as am bf dd2, although we're trying to cut her nightfeeds. one of our biggest problems is them waking each other with their crying! we are wondering about me and dd2 going to stay away so dd1 has to get on with dh?!

glad to hear you got a better night.

CarGirl · 01/04/2010 15:37

Glad you had a better night. I must say generally I've tried to avoid night lights as I can't sleep with any sort of light sneaking in.

In the big room there is a plug in glow thing but other than that nothing. My non-sleeping dd (who does now sleep through but doesn't need much sleep 9 hours since she was about 5!) likes the landing light on when she's going to sleep but that gets turned off.

Perhaps the night light was helping him stay in a lighter sleep hence more night wakings?

Wishing you lots of much better nights.

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