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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Newborn only sleeps in our arms...normal?

28 replies

browntown · 08/03/2010 01:44

Our daughter (first baby) is 7 days old, very young I know, but I'm stressed out and exhausted! She will only sleep in our arms so we are doing shifts throughout the day and night. She will not go in her moses basket for more than 5 mins, even if we make sure she is fast asleep before putting her down - we have tried putting in blanket with my smell on them, and comforting her by patting her belly etc,
Is this normal for a newborn?
Any tips/advice/experiences would be really great to hear right now!

Thank you!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/03/2010 01:51

have you considered co-sleeping in the bed? (don't fall asleep with her on the sofa, though.)

blinks · 08/03/2010 01:53

tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootaly, utterly NORMAL.

slings are a godsend, you can get stuff done while they sleep.

keep trying to get her to sleep in different places though. don't feel too pressured into getting her into a routine etc. try swaddling, if she'll sleep in a pram, you can try keeping it beside the bed and rock it (i've done that with my foot in't middle of night many a time).

i co-slept with my DD2 from the beginning as i found it meant we all got a pretty decent sleep- babies like the closeness and your breathing next to them is calming/reassuring... if you do it safely, it's great.

the first wee while is hardcore but it'll all be cool in time... try to go with the flow.

Original poster

browntown · 08/03/2010 09:42

Thanks v much - good to know this is normal.
we'll keep trying with the moses basket...co-sleeping makes me nervous but maybe will give it a try.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 08/03/2010 09:57

deffo get a sling, and do try to enjoy that feeling of them sleeping on you, you will miss it when it's gone. if the problem persists, think about getting an amby hammock, mine loved theirs.

Melissa123 · 08/03/2010 12:12

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zebedeethezebra · 10/03/2010 10:41

Why do the co-sleeping brigade think that co-sleeping is the answer to every single problem that is posted on this website??

FaintlyMacabre · 10/03/2010 10:48

Well, zebedeethezebra, if you have a suggestion for the OP that doesn't involve co-sleeping I'm sure she'll be interested to hear it.
I came on this thread to recommend co-sleeping as an option because it's what worked for us. I'm not going to recommend any other methods because either they didn't work or we didn't try them. However, it seems that the 'brigade' got here first so I don't really need to add anything.

Also, this 'brigade' has also mentioned swaddling, slings and prams as other ways to get a newborn to sleep so I really can't see what your problem is.

dinkystinky · 10/03/2010 10:51

It is normal- they like the warmth and comfort as you would too if you'd been inside a lovely warm uterus for 9 months... It will pass but if you want to try to get your arms back for a bit, try swaddling (helps them feel all cosy and cocooned)- both my babies were arm sleepers but settled well by themselves with swaddling. Not for every baby but definitely worth a try.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/03/2010 10:59

lol, co-sleeping brigade. i suggested it and we used a hammock for the most part, but sometimes a baby just wants its mother or father and nothing else will do.

anyway, zebedee, why do the ill-mannered and obnoxious brigade never offer any actual help to the OP?

minxofmancunia · 10/03/2010 11:03

Swaddling worked for both of mine. I'd persist with the moses if you can, she's so young, don't worry about bad habits forming at this age. You just all need to do what you can to get some sleep!

Saying that there does seem to be a co-sleeping collective on here at the moment. It crops up all the time as a one method suits all solution. It's really not for everyone.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/03/2010 11:08

how foolish, to talk of a collective on a website with one million users. co-sleeping crops up because people ask for help with getting their babies to sleep, in this instance it IS the obvious answer as the baby won't sleep anywhere but their chests so clearly it likes the closeness.

tbh i wouldn't even consider putting a newborn baby that is used to being curled up for nine months onto a hard, flat moses basket, so there you go. consider me part of the hammock collective.

glasgowlass · 10/03/2010 11:34

Hi,

My DS was the same, he would scream blue murder if he was swaddled and didnt generally like being in a sling. I found that taking the mattress out of the moses basket and sitting on it for a few minutes, whilst holding him, he would fall asleep, I would put the mattress back in and then lay him down as I felt he was being woken from going from my body heat to a clod moses basket. Seemed to work most times. Failing that i would put him in his pram and rock him back and forth in the livingroom if it was too horrible to take him out for a walk.

It is totally normal for them at this age and frustrating as it is, when you find that solution it is total bliss to sit back and watch them sleep.

nickytwotimes · 10/03/2010 11:38

Hi. I hadn't the patience with ds to sit and cuddle him so used a dummy or swaddled or pushed him in the pram. Or all 3. I am expecting number 2 now though and have to say there will be a lot more cuddling this time as only now do I realise how short a time it was. Try all the methods suggested on this thread and you will find something that works for all of you and your likes/dislikes. I couldn't use a sling as I found it sore on my very dodgy back and also found it claustrophobic and hot, but a lot of people love them.

bexxaa · 10/03/2010 11:40

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BessieBoots · 10/03/2010 11:44

OP, have you read The Continuum Concept? I was like you with my first, worried that this was somehow wrong, but after reading that book, it made me far more confident about keeping DS2 with me. Don't agree with everything she says in the book, but a lot of it made sense to me.

bunnymother · 10/03/2010 11:54

We had the same w DD and I was going crazy w sore arms and lack of sleep. So, what worked for us (we didn't co-sleep) was:

(once she was a few weeks old) - a swinging chair (we have the Graco Swing and Bounce) on low speed setting was v popular. DD would just snooze off in it, even when our arms no longer worked their magic.

fabric sling (we got the Moby Wrap) and I just walked around w her in it all day.

There were some times when during the middle of the night I just put DD on my chest and let her sleep on me when I was reclined on the couch. I often fell asleep and didn't seem to have moved a muscle, but apparently this is a big no no. So I think I was too nervous to properly sleep.

What about her buggy? I have friends whose babies only liked their buggy/pram, and not the moses basket.

Hope this helps!

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/03/2010 13:14

oh yes yes yes to the swingy chair. we had a fisher price one, we called it The Magic Chair.

bexxaa · 10/03/2010 13:17

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bubblagirl · 10/03/2010 13:28

try swaddling they are used to being snug in your womb then have alot of space and not the same snugness my ds loved it and settled so well as the tightness of the blanket made him feel hugged i guess

ShowOfHands · 10/03/2010 13:56

arf @ co-sleeping brigade.

If there's a bias maybe it's because the co-sleeping conglomeration are an empathetic bunch who like to share what works for them. And the miserable gripers ignore the ask for advice/suggestions and bitch about the suggestions already made.

I might start offering co-sleeping as the answer to every problem on the site actually.

My au pair has eaten all of my cucumber!! Have you tried co-sleeping?

My stew tastes mealy. Have you tried taking it to bed with you?

OP, little newborn babies don't know that they've gone from the warm, cosy world of being inside you and hearing your heartbeat and voice to a big world with new rules. And for them normality and comfort is your warmth and the feel of your skin. It does change and so quickly that you miss it when it's gone. Find a path that works for you. For me it was co-sleeping and putting dd in a sling during the day. I also found that grandparents and friends were happy to be the arms in which she napped and took the opportunity to go to bed/put my feet up.

With a baby I think the best thing to think in the first instance is not how can I change them, but how can I change me. So whatever enables you to sleep and rest and work round them. It's the easiest route and the happiest.

Original poster

browntown · 10/03/2010 20:34

wow, thanks for all the advice. Things have actually got a little better since my original post - she does sleep a little in her moses basket after we have warmed it up for her (we just take out the mattress and sit on it) - and she also has times where she will only be held. Has given me hope though!

also, we got a sling - the Moby Wrap which I LOVE and has made doing things so much easier without having to give up the lovely cuddling.

OP posts:

JollyPirate · 10/03/2010 20:38

Aw - enjoy her browntown - fwiw my DS practically lived in a sling attached to me as a baby as I couldn't get him to settle anywhere else. This time will pass so quickly - my "baby" is 7 now but still loves a cuddle with his Mum .

butterandbread157 · 20/03/2010 17:19

Does she only sleep upright on you?
My daughter did the same, turned out she had acid reflux and it didn't hurt when she was upright. She would wake up as soon as we put her down in her basket on her back......this was the acid coming up and hurting her.

Fibilou · 23/03/2010 20:44

It will get better, honestly ! At 7 days they are so tiny, all they know is being inside you all warm and safe - being away from you makes them feel abandoned. DD (6 weeks) would only sleep on us when she was a newborn but has gradually acclimatised to going in her crib, which is next to the bed. She now spends the whole night in there and will go off to sleep in it rather than being fed to sleep.

stinkypants · 17/09/2010 12:39

i am feeling very hormonal with a 2 wk old baby and this thread is just so lovely and postitive - what a lovely bunch of mums - i like the co-sleeping brigade (: -great advice.
my little boy is also struggling with the moses basket, unless very deeply asleep, so the longest period has been 2 hours, but lying next to me he has managed about 4 or 5. we are gradually getting there and building up the time but not sweating it when we give up and i have him in with me - i love the closeness too - but am forever paranoid about rolling onto him so do not sleep deeply - so this is why we are aiming for the moses basket long term. in the daytime he falls asleep on me and eventually i can transfer him to his chair. doesnt always work but gradually improving.
another tip which worked with my first is napping in the car seat - a bit more upright so no probs with reflux, also feels like they are being held snug, and if you then go out you don't need to disturb them. ours was easy to rock with a foot too.
good luck.
i will be trying the sitting on the mattress to warm it tip tonight too! (:

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