You know you're sleep-deprived when...

[SnotBaby]

You are struggling to make small talk with someone and suddenly blurt out "You'll have to forgive me, my words have stopped working."

You stare at a counter top with a teapot and kettle on it for up to a minute, trying to remember what these things do and in what order you are supposed to use them.

You walk through the house picking up things that need your attention, then find yourself in the kitchen holding a sock, a free newspaper, a hair bobble, a phone charger and a jar of Sudocrem, then sit at the kitchen table for a bit because you can't work out why you are holding them and what they might do when you put them all together.

21 hours sleep since Monday, how about you?

On Friday I went to our local shopping centre & parked in the multi-storey. Paid for the parking ticket at the machine thingy on foot and then inserted the ticket at the barrier as I was driving out.

So far so good.

I drove to the bottom of the ramp where there is a set of traffic lights. My brain broke at that point and I had a complete panic (looking around frantically, checking pockets, bag, "shit, shit, where the f*ck is it?!") that I couldn't find my parking ticket (to insert, apparently, at the imaginary barrier THAT WASN'T THERE!)

It honestly took about 2 minutes for my eyes & brain to link back up (i.e. traffic lights = drive through when green, no need for ticket which had already been swallowed by the actual, real barrier).

Oh dear.

I have spent a good chunk of time today standing in the middle of the kitchen looking blankly around me

I rather suspect I went in to make a much needed coffee. I am still coffee-less, but I know exactly what will happen if I go back in the kitchen...

Oh crikey! I thought i was struggling with our early riser.

Ladies you have my respect!

I put conditioner on my face today thanks to too many early starts! Oops!

When you are pushing the pram, note that it's a straight bit, and there is no poo on pavement to dodge, so maybe you could just walk with your eyes closed for a bit.

I say "right then" a lot as well... LOL.

When you are in the shower and you simply can not remember whether you have just used the shampoo or conditioner. You then do not have any idea of what you should do next to rectify the situation!

Also, when you are trying to make something for dinner, get halfway through and realise that you do not have a vital ingredient. (E.g. canned tomatoes for Spaghetti Bolognese.)

Ooh, conditioner- that reminds me. I keep squirting the conditioner onto my hand first, then, realising my mistake, trying to shampoo my hair with one hand. I could wash the conditioner off my hand and start again I suppose but I'm too much of a cheapskate

I also managed to mix up the hand cream and lipbalm

I have just borrowed the edge of DS's blanket to wipe the laughing tears away. He's only been around for 5 months as well.

It's going to be great fun when I am back at work confusing people with my ending free sentences [I just typed blankets instead of sentences there and only noticed when I read it back..]

Guess what we had for dinner tonight?

A lovely chicken casserole, made to a new recipe from a book, which bubbled away for 6 hours in the slow cooker.

When I dished it up at six o'clock, it was a beef casserole.

Pass...

i spend all my time trying to find entertainment for my ds (7months) so i can get on with things but by the time hes happy playing with a toy ive forgotten what i was going to do get distracted by a lone baby wipe on the floor wonder into another room come back out wondering why i went in there and he is fed up with his entertainment and complaining. and we do it again.....

I unpacked the shopping and couldnt find the baby wipes and then found them in the fridge a while later.. nice and chilled

I walked around the supermarket 3 times then burst into tears because I didn't know why I was there or what I needed to buy. Phoned my DP and blubbed down the phone at him, asking what I needed to buy (to which he replied, how the hell do I know?). Ended up at home sometime later with some fruit tea and a joint of beef. We don't drink fruit tea. I had actually gone to get soup and some nappies.

Driving into work to show off DS for the 1st time, I went round the same roundabout twice, then took the wrong exit. Normally a 30 minute journey, it took me closer to 50 minutes what with wrong turns and general confuddlement!

I frequently lose my english, and even though it's my 1st and native language, I have found myself using french or czech instead. Neither of which I actually speak.

I'm at the stage now where 3 wakings a night is considered a blessing - 4-5 is more normal.

how does anyone cope with more than 1 child? how?!!

Oh my goodness, yes, shopping when sleep-deprived. I do the bulk of mine online now, so that I can return to the list over a few days and wrestle it into something sensible.

Let me loose in an actual SHOP and the pressure is all too much for me. The chances of emerging with things that can be combined into an identifiable meal are very, very low. I tend to pick up things from my childhood, too, like Arctic Roll (vom), whilst muttering to myself "oh yes, arctic roll, yes families eat those don't they, yes, that will work"

Does anyone else find that they have some sort of internal parent looking out for them, though? Some might call it a super-ego, others a guardian angel... For example, every time I go anywhere in the car, I do the "pat the pockets and panic" dance after strapping the kids in, because I can't find my keys. After searching through handbag and changing bag, I always find them on the driver's seat, where I have tossed them because I knew I would forget. Then I say, "Oh, good for you!" To myself.

On the subject of driving, we are all taking great care not to drive if we've reached the winking bathmats level, aren't we? Tiredness on the road is not at all funny.