My partner snores and I want to kill him!!! HELP!!! IDEAS!!! ADVICE!!!!

[sparklycheerymummy]

That may sound extreme but I am at my wits end. I am 6 months pregnant and have suffered till 21 weeks with sickness. My dp snores so loudly he wakes my dd up who is 7! He doesnt just snore .... its a mixture of whistling, heavy breathing, grunts, moans, piggy snorting snores, stopping breathing then letting out a snore loud enough to cause an earthquake. I just cant sleep - I cant stop crying because I am so tired. He says I should just leave him to sleep and get a grip but i can barely function. I have slept on our small 2 seat sofa to try let him sleep but I have a large bump for 6 months pregnant and I wake up crippled with back ache. i adore my dp but because i nudge him or rub his arm he says he is tired and its my fault. What do I do??? I have bought him a special watch thing and nose strips but they only worked for the first night! He works incredibly hard and I appreciate everything he does but he is turning into the nastiest most aggresive and arrogant pig and I dont know what to do. I am ordering a new mattres to see if it helps. He basically has put on weight and knows this is THE reason he snores yet he continues to eat crap and 2 large bags of peanuts as a snack and fry ups every day etc etc but it is still MY fault he is tired cos i obviously try to get him to at least lie on his side in the night as the snoring is quieter! SHOULD I LEAVE HIM TO SNORE AND EITHER A) SLEEP ON 2 SEATER SOFA CRAMPED UP OR B) LIE AWAKE ALL NIGHT LISTENING TO HIS ORCHESTRA OF SNORES. This may sound trivial to some but if you have a partner who snores you may know how i feel. PLEASE TAKE TIME TO GIVE ME HELP OR IDEAS xxxx

[PavlovtheForgetfulCat]

Oh just read your last post - good for you! Hope it works out and you get some sleep soon x

[Remotew]

When one partner snores then the only solution is a spare room that he should go into. It's a damn nuisance and I cannot ever share my life with a snorer that doesn't understand that it's their problem.

I was with someone who snored and I couldn't sleep at all. Used to sneak off to the spare room just to get a peaceful night. He was insensitive and told me if I loved him I would stay in the bed! We broke up although we had other issues. This was 3 yrs ago and I still have problems sleeping.

Hope you can sort it out. I'm not sure its a problem caused by gaining weight think it happens to men as they age. Also had a bf who was very slim and he snored.

[hayleybop]

Yeah my boyfriend is skinny and he snores...I wear ear plugs and can hear both my DD's if they wake in the night. Wax earplugs are the best if you sleep next to a snorer. I ask mine to roll over, or I kick him, pat him, pinch his nose ect.... seems to work.

[sparklycheerymummy]

Pulling the hairs on their arms works too. he slept downstairs last night! I only woke up to wee!!

[MadameOvary]

I was going to suggest a cattle prod, as had same probs as abouteve.
However it seems like you are doing just fine.

[sparklycheerymummy]

LAst night I could hear him snoring downstairs from my bedroom. and he woke my dd up who said it was thundering!!!! but it wasnt!!!!

[littlerach]

Dh snores just like that.

Last week I was awake until 2am with it when we were on holiday, and I realised then that he does actually seem to stop breathing.
His dad has sleep apnoea and has a machine for night time.

Dh went to the GP a year ago (after me badgering him ofr 6 months) who said that if it wasn't interfering with his life, then it wasn't a problem DH didn't think ot tell her that it was interfering with my life.

Interestingly, we have always had problems with dd2's sleeping. When dh is away with work though, she doesn't wake up in the night.

But if I wake him up, he generally does go up to the spare room, albeit grumpily.

[sparklycheerymummy]

Its hard work though isnt it and very draining! Reassuring to know so many others have problems the same though!!!

[ohnelly]

My boyfriend snores & I poke/kick him to make him stop if he is keeping me awake. Why should he sleep while you lie there and listen to him? Get him to turn on his side - away from you! or just keep poking him till he gets fed up & goes to the sofa. If he doesnt want to do anything about his weight, why should you suffer? Men are so selfish. He is only thinking about himself - put your foot down! (literally if necessary!)

[sparklycheerymummy]

Believe me I am.... told him our sex life was already suffering because a... i am too tired b..... i cant get near him without being unable to breathe due to his belly being bigger than mine is at 6 months pregnant c..... he doesnt turn me on when i know i am going to be listening to his snoring again and d.... because if he carries on i am gOing on ann summers and getting mYself a shiny new friend who doesnt snore but will make me smile!!!!!!

[mathanxiety]

Record it. Send him to the doctor. Sleep apnea is no joke for either the snorer or for you. It is far more than inconsiderate for him to do this, and he is not feeling any consequences -- I don't like his attitude that his sleep is somehow more precious than yours? I am now happily divorced from a really selfish snorer (personality showed itself in other ways besides snoring...long story). But sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and it can have very serious consequences for you.

[sparklycheerymummy]

It already is some days.... and because I have had PND very severly before... I am scared it will happen again because I am already worn out and fed up before i start!

[sparklycheerymummy]

APPARENTLY THE DOC HAS SAID HE HAS NARROW NASAL PASSAGES OR SOMETHING AND HIS WEIGHT IS NOT THE ISSUE.......KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH HIM. He has some spray apparently. BUt sod it at 18 stone and 5'9ish he is over weight. Grrrrrrrrr

[Tai]

Record his snores and then play them back to him full whack on a surround sound system just as he's falling asleep.

That way you get your painful point across and shit him up in the process.

If it doesnt work then put the spare bedding in the living room and a lock on your door and tell him not to bother knocking on your door until he's ready to get help. :d

[sparklycheerymummy]

He reckons he has got help now..... i am just annoyed that he has come out with the impression that his weight is not the reason or part of the reason.

[lilysam]

My dh is a snorer but takes it upon himself to go to the spare room. I used to put up with it for years. Now i couldn't give a stuff if we sleep seperately most nights. I have 2 dc who are crap sleepers and am pg again and suffering badly. Even if our spare room is being used by guests, dh sleeps on the couch - his choice btw not mine..Kids often refer to mummys room and daddys room but it keeps us all sane and hasn;t stopped us having more dcs

My dh could do with losing a little weight - but is nowhere near 18 stone! Your dh sounds like he is being very stubborn and in denial and really should look at is whole lifestyle and health...especially with a wife and kids to look after!

Hope he makes some progress soon x

[sparklycheerymummy]

he went off to work this morning and i called him 10 mins after he left to find out if he knew when i could pick the car up from the garage because he left without speaing to me...... he was in the butty should getting a breakfast bap...... sausage, egg, bacon, tomato, hash brown, mushroom etc..........I GIVE UP. Am i being unreasonable please will someone tell me, I cried myself to sleep last night and cried again this morning because i just feel so so very unloved..... meaybe pregnancy hormones i know but he just doesnt seem to care. he may be sleeping downstairs more now but i want him to be taking positive steps forward.... looking after himself.... so he can be there for me and baby when it arrives. He is so wrapped up in himself he doesnt seem to care. I know part of his condition he has is irritability but how long and how far do i let it go. He promised me and my midwife that he would be my support..... that i didnt need extra help (They are worried because of my PND and psychosis or whatever it was called following the birth of my previous daughter)and yet he told me to GET A GRIP when i said i was scared and i could feel myself crumbling already and i needed him to be a bit more supportive and perhaps give me a little tlc and really try to sort this snoring issue because it was driving us apart. MAybe i should start another thread in the relationships section!!!!!!!!!!!!! SORRY FOR RANTING BUT DONT KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN.... I AM NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO 'REAL' PEOPLE BECAUSE HE CLAIMS I AM HUMILIATING HIM. I stayed awake all night when we slept at friends last week so that he didnt humiliate himself by waking the whole house with his snoring!!!!!!

[vezzie]

Hi sparklycheerymummy,
I'm afraid I don't have any clever ideas for you, I just wanted to sympathise and wish you all the best with your pregnancy and new baby. There are few things so awful as sleep deprivation and it is so galling when the deprivor is an adult who should be on your side and instead is RUINING YOUR LIFE (which is what it feels like). I have said this on here before, but everyone would be outraged at someone who waits till his partner gets really hungry, watches her prepare a meal, and then consistently swipes all her food on the floor just as she is about to eat, but tucks happily into his own without offering to share. If she were pregnant or looking after a baby then vigilantes would be on his case. Yet for some reason it seems that a lot of people don't see that snoring in someone's bed and preventing them from sleeping is the same. At least far too many snorers don't get it.

Would it help if someone else had a word with him? A counsellor told my partner once that he should get his snoring fixed. He said "well Vezzie has tried earplugs, but -" and she said, "No, YOU have to get YOUR SNORING fixed. See a doctor" and I could see it dawning on him for the first time that it was his problem.

Very best of luck and take care of yourself.

[LesbianMummy1]

nasal sprays for hayfever have worked in this house!

[mollyroger]

oh my god! I was going to start a thread on this myself but other things overtook.
I feel your pain. I am a horribly light sleeper and once i am awake, I cannot get back to sleep. We have no spare room so it's a too-short sofa
I made him buy those nose strips. They don't work.....
Ear plugs hurt my ears.

He is very sinusy, I wonder if that is the cause for him? He is not overweight.

[SparkyToo]

Sleeping on a contoured memory foam pillow is supposed to help as it props up the head and so they can breathe a bit easier - I believe?!?

[mollyroger]

anyone tried this?

[ches]

sparklycheerymommy I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know that your will is good, but your DH is clearly v. sensitive about his weight and lying to himself. Just like you need support, so does he. He has an eating disorder. I'm sure if he's ready this thread he's v. v. upset/angry. You obviously feel you have the moral higher ground and that he just needs to get on board. You're probably right, but if that's how you approach the situation with him you're not going to get anywhere.

It needs to be clear to him that you love him just the way he is, that his weight/etc. is a joint problem that needs a joint resolution. Do you exercise together? Do you eat meals together? Why was he going off to work without having had breakfast at home? Can you pack him a lunch with LOTS of healthy things to snack on? I know you've got a lot on your plate, and don't need the extra work, but your DH needs you right now to get through this as much as you need him.

[sparklycheerymummy]

Thanks everyone for your support and ches you dont seem to have got the fact that i have already tried packing healthy lunches and his attitude is....... why should i give up eating the things i like. he knows i love him the way he is..... i couldnt care less about he way he looks and he DOES know that. He stormed off without breakfast at home because he leaves before 7am and i wasnt up. I have been shopping for loads of healthy stuff..... fruit, cereal etc etc and offered to make him 'healthy' versions of the whole breakfast thing which i know he loves but when i find his car stacked with chocolate wrappers and crisps. If you read up on this issue you will see that irritability and denial is a main factor in all this. I have already bought his special pillows and nasal strips and run him nice baths to relax him. I tell him i love him all the time and he knows it. HOWEVER what i have asked on here is how far and for how long i can keep putting him first when i am getting nothing in return. i have slept on the sofa for weeks thinking that if i let him sleep he will at least be rested and able to deal with the day in a more positive way. but i have had severe morning sickness hyperemisis i think its official term is. i could barely keep liquids down and yet still had to deal with no sleep............where was his conscience then. He is NOT sensitive about his weight......... he just thinks the whole snoring issue is my problem because i cant handle it. he thinks he is fine. I am suffering severe sleep deprivationa nd i will only be pregnant for a few more months but what happens then if my pND comes back and i still have to tread on eggshells so as to be 'sensitive' to him. I made him a lovely tuna pasta salad the other day only to find he had sneaked to the chip shop and got chips an curry sauce on way home..... knowing i had made a 'healthy' tea. I HAVE NOT COME ON HERE FOR A DEBATE ABOUT WHOSE FAULT IT IS. I HAVE COME ON HERE FOR HELP AND SUPPORT WHICH EVERYONE ELSE HAS GIVEN ME. PEOPLE WHO COME ON HERE JUST TO THROW A SPANNER IN THE WORKS WIND ME UP. I AM SAT HERE REALLY UPSET NOW AFTER SPENDING 8 HOURS IN BED NEXT TO A MAN WHO SNORES AND I LEFT HIM TO SLEEP SO THAT AT LEAST WE COULD BE CLOSE. I EVEN BLOOMIN HAD SEX WITH HIM WHEN I WAS KNACKERED AFTER NO SLEEP JUST TO MAKE HIM FEEL MORE POSITIVE AND TO TRY GET THE SPARKLE BACK AND BE A COUPLE. He knows i miss being close to him and have told him we need to work through it together but i am banging my head against a brick wall.