So worried about moving 2.3yo out of our room. Dh making things worse.

[Pinkjenny]

A catalogue of errors resulted in us co-sleeping with dd since she was 4mo. We are expecting dc2 in December, and dh is keen for us to move dd into her own room, which we are in the process of decorating.

I keep putting it off, and feel that dh is putting a lot of pressure on me. He is keen to go through a 'week of pain' (his words) to get her sleeping in her own room.

I appreciate that it is going to be difficult to continue the status quo with a newborn. Dd is an extremely light sleeper, and is hugely affected by lack of sleep. I don't want her to be woken up by the new baby, and if she stays in our room, this will inevitably happen.

Dh mentioned it again this morning as he was leaving for work, triggered by dd telling him that 'this is mine and mummy's bed', which naturally upset him a little. He told me that I was putting off the inevitable, and that in four months' time, when I was shattered and dealing with two crying kids in the night, he would, 'have no sympathy for me'.

I don't feel like he understands how hard it is for me to a)move dd out and upset her, and b)for me to have her in a different room.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking, but hope that someone may have some pearls of wisdom.

I just wanted to add that this sounds quite similar to what's just happened in our house (apart from my DH whose attitude has been different).

We had no intention of co-sleeping but did from day one with a DD who was (possibly!) the world's lightest sleeper - she's now 23 months old. I had real misgivings about getting her to sleep in her own bed and in her own room - I thought she would feel lonely, slightly rejected and possibly quite upset. DH was sensitive to this but did admit, when asked, that he thought it was time to move her - in part for her but mainly for us to be able to have some space together as a couple as it was really starting to affect how much we communicated and how 'together' we felt.

We bought her a new duvet cover (which she chose - well, ish, she chose the really expensive one first and I said oh look at this other lovely one (that was half the price!)). We decorated the walls with pictures she'd painted and put all her teddy bears in her room. She has taken to it like a duck to water!! She's slept every night in her own room for 3 weeks now and even asks to sleep on her own bed. When she wakes up in the night (still BF her) she comes into "mummy daddy own bedroom" and takes my hand and asks me to go and lie down on her bed. I have been absolutely flabbergasted at how readily she's taken to it. If it hadn't worked so well I was prepared to sit with her at night or, if that hadn't worked, try again in another couple of months - I wasn't prepared to have her 'crying it out'.

It might be the same for your DD but I reckon it's a question of testing the waters with her and knowing that there's lots of approaches that don't involve 'pain' on anyone's part. You could try sleeping in her new room with her (I do sometimes with my DD for some parts of the night) and if the new baby arrives and she's not in her own room by then well, so what? It's not the end of the world and hopefully, despite your DH's comments about having no sympathy for you, he will do when the inevitable arrives and your two DCs are up at night at the same time - this will happen at some point irrespective of where they sleep (and this won't just be for you to deal with as they're his too)

Finally, I did read Deborah Jackson's 3 in a Bed (about 2 months ago) and cannot recommend it enough. It has some ideas about the transition to a child's own bed but it's also really comforting on the subject of why co-sleeping is a good thing and why it's ok to accept moving on from that when you're all ready to do so and why it's not a rejection of your child to move them into their own room.

Wishing you lots of luck and happiness with your DCs and DH.

Oh Polly, your penultimate sentence made me cry!

I am heartened by all your comments. I feel in some ways that this is much more my issue than hers.

I knew that book was a good one

link to amazon!

Hi PrincessToadstool

I really hope everyone is right, and it won't be anywhere near as bad as I am expecting. I so wish I'd takeb my opportunities to get her in her own bed when I had them.

Aah, hindsight, hello.

Had a chat with dh last night, and tried to explain how upsetting I found the prospect of his approach. He said that he is just trying to help me, and that he will go with whatever 'strategy' I decide to employ.

We started discussing with dd last night and this morning whether she would like her own room, like Peppa and Lola etc. She is, understandably, not sold on the idea, but we will keep talking about it positively and try to involve her in the decorating of her room.

She is quite funny though, I was saying, "Oooh look, that little girl is in her own lovely bed!" and she said, "Don't be silly, she's in her mummy's bed!"

I have a feeling this may not be easy.

Does she have any friends with their own beds that she can visit? May help to make it all seem normal.

Ah, now that is a good idea muddleduck. Bit of peer pressure might work wonders on her. I will try that one also.

Glad to hear DH is going to support you. Also like your subtle hinting approach. She sounds like she has the measure of you though . OTOH you must be proud of having a DD with the confidence to know her own mind.