I *have* to sleep train my 4 month old? Those who didn't, come talk to me

[HullabaLuLu]

DD is just over 4 months and we have gone from 2 night wakings to hard to settle and waking/crying lots etc.

I have decided to accept that this is how she is for now but I am truely exhausted. We co-sleep for part of the night which helps...a bit.

Anyway, I saw a friend today who is just horrified that DD wakes so much and even more so that we co-sleep.

She said to me today "you know you're going to have to teach her to sleep don't you?"

She then told me she left her son to cio at 7 months and it only took two nights before he "learnt to sleep through".

I told her I won't leave dd to cry, I don't agree with it and think it teaches her nothing about sleep. She accused me of being too soft and offered to do it for us while DH and I went out. The thought of my daughter crying herself to sleep, ignored by my friend while dh and I have a night out makes me feel sick.

My friend reckons that dd won't learn to sleep through without this and I'm setting myself up for years of co-sleeping and broken nights.

DD is my first so I have no idea how it will happen but cio/cc just aren't for us.

So, anyone who didn't do any kind of sleep training (I hate that expression) can you tell me how you went from being up several times in the night to dc in their own bed, sleeping through the night?

Sorry this has probably all been said already, but I had a friend a bit like yours when dd1 was born and I did consider doing cc at quite an early stage because that is what my friend did and I thought it was the only option etc etc etc. Dd1 slept terribly from about 3 months until she was about 6 months, when she started to sleep like any other baby - good some nights, not so good other nights. We did do a little bit of cc but only when she was a bit older and WE were ready for it.

Fast forward three years and I would say my dd is a much better sleeper than my friend's ds. I don't think what you do at an early stage makes any difference in the long run. Yes it might help you to get that extra bit of sleep at the beginning, but it isn't worth it if it doesn't seem right.

Being totally knackered through sleep deprivation is really, really hard. But it'll pass and soon you'll be in a much better place to be able to work out exactly what you do and don't feel comfortable with.

too busy to read whole thread, but fwiw we didn't sleep train ds at all. It was always clear that he was awake/hard to settle for a reason (genuinely hungry or teething), so I felt trying to force him to sleep on his own, would've just been cruel. But I can see why others do it. He can still be hard to settle, but he has been through a lot of upheaval recently so I still cuddle him off to sleep if he needs it. And he's been sleeping through for ages.

This is the running man thread:

Can someone tell me how to co-sleep with newborn and husband?

Its the post by Snigger. "Running man" gave me a good mental image but its also a bit like the recovery position: lie on your side facing baby, bottom leg straight, top leg bent under dc, bottom arm over your head, top arm behind dc, tilt so that your stoamch leans towards the bed and top boob is within dcs mouth-reach.

This friend left her baby to cry the first night in hospital while she hid behind the curtain so that he wouldn't come to expect her rushing to him. . I should have remembered that we have very different attitudes to our dcs.

Do whatever feels right to you, but be prepared to concede that your child may not be one that magically starts sleeping through. My dd is two and has never slept through.

I desperately wish I had tackled this issue earlier, especially now that number 2 is on it's way.