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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

bedtime procrastinations in toddlers ... AAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

66 replies

mummylonglegs · 05/05/2005 22:06

Dd's 2 1/2 and a truly lovely child. She still naps in the day at about 1.30pm and I wake her after an hour. She goes off to sleep for this nap with no problem, I think she'd sleep longer if I left her. The problem is with going to bed at night. She's tired, we have a very good relaxing bedtime routine and she's fine until it comes to her lying down in the cot. First off she wants a wee (I've kind of sorted this one by getting her to do a wee immediately before she gets in), then a drink, then we spend hours getting her favourite toy at the perfect angle under her arm plus her blanket tucked in exactly right. If I get fed up and just go she gets hysterical and it takes even longer to settle her. I end up going back into her 5-10 times after I initially leave her in her room and she's often ending up not going to sleep until after 9pm so is also very tired the next morning.

Any ideas? I know this is a common toddler thing ...

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Orinoco · 11/05/2005 22:09

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ionesmum · 11/05/2005 22:14

We did 'gradual withdrawl' with our dd1. So at first we'd stay with her, but didn't interact. It diodn't take long to get her into a really good routine which hasn't been broken for a year now. The only downside is that we've had to stick to it like glue - no extra cuddles, or late stories, apart from when she has been ill. Fortunately she is such a deep sleeper she hasn't cottoned on to the fact her little sister is up with mummy and daddy!

Orinoco · 11/05/2005 22:38

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Original poster

mummylonglegs · 12/05/2005 11:52

Orinoco at your dd's description of your job! I love their logic don't you? Dd's got a game at the moment where she turns me into a robot and takes me round our flat telling me what everything's for. 'This is a radiator, robot, it's for drying toys on' / [holds up daddy's pants] 'this is a spaceship for noddy' etc. etc. I have to really bite my cheeks to stop the robot collapsing in hysterics! It's also quite amazing how she tells the robot to do things she knows aren't allowed like drinking bath water: 'here robot, try this lovely bath water' robot says 'are you allowed to drink it then?' 'oh yes!' Hmmm ...

I've been trying hard to do what im suggests re. the procrastination and when I can / do stick to it it does work. Some times it's particularly hard though when they're upset or asking for something it's hard to refuse like a last kiss.

OP posts:

ionesmum · 12/05/2005 12:40

mll, we never leave dd1 if she is upset, we just stay with her but don't interact, unless she is upset for a reason. We quickly got to the stage where she only gets upset if she is unwell, otherwise if we go in to her she tells us to go away! Orinoco said that you have to be tough to do it but I didn't feel I was being tough once I accepted that I had to do it for the sake of dd1 and my family - I had dd2 by then and she was bfeeding all night, and we couldn't be spending half our nights with dd1 as well. Also I was sure in my mind that dd1 was ready, which I hadn't been before. I think that each parent knows their child best and you have to do what is right for you; I am sure that dd1 wasn't ready to be taught how to sleep on her own until we actually did it, (at about 2 and a half) because I needed to be able to reason with her, whereas I think dd2 can be a good sleeper now and we just need to sort out her non-verbal sleep cues.

at the robot mummy!!!!

ionesmum · 12/05/2005 12:47

sorry, I should add that if dd1 is upset because she is unwell or has a bad dream (which is very rare) we do give her hugs etc. We only stay distant if she is upset just because we are going away, and tbh she doesn't get upset for this reason any more.

One thing we've done is make sure she knows monsters, dragons etc. aren't real. They feature in children's stories and t.v. from a very young age these days, so right from the start the dds have been told that such things are only pretend, and we don't go in for any of the 'checking under the bed for monsters' stuff. Dd1 loves pretending there is a monster and then telling mummy she's being silly because monsters aren't real! I think this helps with the bad dreams. Don't know if this is relevant but it's definitely helped us.

TracyK · 12/05/2005 13:45

Reading this with intrest as ds is 14mo and surely will follow in your footsteps. He is just starting to get off my knee while drinking his milk to pad around upstairs and look in all the rooms. So I can see this extending - although he is so cute and adorable I haven't yet stopped him doing it - plus i think it may expell any left over energy before sleep.
My friend always swore by the delay tactic. If they shout you back or string out bed time - she used to always put them in bed and say that she is just going to put the kettle on for a cup of tea and that she'd be back in 10 mins - by the time she returned - they were asleep.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 12/05/2005 14:33

Hi TracyK, welcome to Procrastinators Inc.! That delay tactic has NEVER worked with dd. She just stands up waiting for me. But what im's suggesting does definitely work, i.e. making there be no 'reward' in the sense of kisses, cuddles, cosy chats, by her keeping me in the room. In effect I sometimes think I'm boring her to sleep! Well, wouldn't be the first time.

im it's interesting what you say about making sure your dd knows monsters aren't real. My dd has a very clear sense, I think, of what's pretend and what's real. Just now I put her down for her nap and she likes her Father Christmas at the bottom of the bed where he usually lies down but today she sat him up and I said 'oh, he won't be able to sleep if he's sitting up' to which she replied in her Margaret Thatcher voice with head patronisingly on one side 'but mummy he's only a toy and he can't even close his eyes. let him sit up.' I felt fully chastised and up he sat. I don't think dd's yet been 'frightened' about things in her room, her procrastinations are that she doesn't want to be left, she doesn't want the play to end etc. etc.

But she HAS been better since I've been boring bedtime mummy. Or rather boring after all the nice bits have been done and it's time to quit for the day.

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redheadmum · 12/05/2005 20:02

sleep time is becoming really awful, Dd been crying out now for over 30 mins - stubborn aren't they. She's knackered too......

am still trying the firm approach, ie it's bedtime n ow, tucking in and leaving and hope this will be effective in a few days.....

MIL is up and offered to read stories but thought this was a bad precedent!!

foxd · 12/05/2005 20:09

Have been tryig the delayed tactic and it normally works when ds sleep is disrupted for some reason. However since the light nites he just plays in his room and waits for me.

I put a clock in his room when he was scared of any possible ghosties to show him what time I would be coming back up, now if Im a minute late he comes down to see where I am.

He used to be a great sleeper but we changed his school a few weeks ago and since he hardly falls asleep before 930pm when im used to him going at around 730. The problem is he's so tired the next day. Never mind it could be worse it just frustrating as when I only seem to beable to relax when I know hes sound asleep. Just thought I'd have a moan

Orinoco · 12/05/2005 20:48

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Original poster

mummylonglegs · 12/05/2005 22:35

Congratulations Orinoco, you may have found a 'cure'! Does she remember in the morning and say 'hey, what happened to you?'

My dd's like foxd's unfortunately, stands patiently waiting. Sometimes she waits so quietly I think she must have fallen asleep but when I go in she's still there looking out for me!

Still, I only got one curtain call again tonight so I'm not complaining. The boredom factor seems to be working.

What time did your dd go off then rhm? 8's quite late for her, no?

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redheadmum · 13/05/2005 17:35

she finally quieted down about 8.15 but that's an hour of shouting, procrastinating and general stress. Too much for me!!!!

will see how it goes tonight. She is v tired - no nap and have done swimming this morning and running around outside with other kids this afternoon. Hope she'll conk out.....ha ha.

if n othing else I"M shattered!!!!

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 13/05/2005 20:59

Hiya rhm , do you think she's worse when she's had a nap then?

OP posts:

Orinoco · 14/05/2005 21:03

Message withdrawn

redheadmum · 15/05/2005 20:33

hi MLL

yes the nap does make a difference. Today no nap and lots of running around and she's gone down like a dream. I think she's absolutely ready for bed, whereas if she has a nap she has more energy to protest.

But I don't think necessarily that means you should make them drop the day nap if not ready, just my Dd refuses to sleep in the day, so I might as well make the best of it!

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