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Sleep

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Original poster

polite replies please

80 replies

mogwai · 25/04/2005 19:14

A little while ago, I started a thread asking whether it was ok to put a new baby in a full sized cot. I am thinking of putting the baby in it's own room, but wasn't asking for an opinion on that at the time, just asking about the cot.

Unfortunately, the thread turned a bit weird and I was slated by some mumsnetters and actually called "cruel" by one mother because I am planning for my baby to be in it's own bedroom as soon as possible. It was even suggested that there was an increased risk of cot death if my baby couldn't smell me and rather than being supported by more experienced mothers, I felt there was a tone of "huh, we know better than you, don't be ridiculous"..

I'm still interested in the topic and would like to hear from anyone whose baby has slept in their own room. Did you put them into a cot from the early days and how did it work out for you?

I do not want to get involved in further debate about whether this makes me a cruel mother, thanks all the same, so please don't post if this is your agenda. I am by no means a cruel mother, just a pragmatist and light sleeper with a husband who works long hours and also needs his rest. Interested in your experiences.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mel06 · 27/04/2005 10:17

Hi there. I put DD into her own cot in her own room at 8 weeks. This was when she also started to get into a routine of going to bed at 7pm everynight. We also put her into a GROBAG which meant that she didn't wake up due to being cold. Our evenings were free and she got the rest she needed without being disturbed by us going to bed. She never cried when we said goodnight to her. Everyone has always got an opinion, but you should do what you feel is best for you and your baby.

PsychoFlame · 27/04/2005 10:20

Only got given a grobag just before DD started walking, but it was great!!!! Poppered up at the sides so you could make it half the length for a newborn too.

Will definately be pulling it out for the next time from early on.

highlander · 27/04/2005 18:13

jeez, you poor thing I'm writing this having not read the other posts BTW.

My DS (8mo) has been in his own cot and room from 3 weeks. Before then he was in his pram next to my bed and kept waking himself up when he whacked his hands on the sides. He's a noisy sleeper and kept me awake all night! He settled much better in his own room, particularly when swaddled. The cooler temp of his room suited him too, as it got very stuffy with 3 of us in one small bedroom.

Cot death is a very complicated condition, with various risk factors, including genetic factors that are very difficult to either predict or control.

If your baby is healthy and you don't want him in your room - go for it! Remember - you are his mum, you know him best so have the confidence in your gut reactions!

Mud · 27/04/2005 18:18

yes totally ignore any research out there that may suggest doing the opposite of what you want to do, they only do it to piss you off

WTF highlander???

Roobie · 27/04/2005 18:25

I think the cot in parents room angle is a bit of a red herring. The advice does indeed state that "the safest place for a baby to sleep is in a cot in the parents? room for the first six months" however this is stated as the antidote to the baby co-sleeping which does have some risks. To me the real emphasis is on the baby sleeping in its own cot - whether that be in parents room or own room.

wilbur · 27/04/2005 18:35

Haven't had time to read all these replies, but in case no one else has said, I found our sensor pad worked fine under a very fat cot mattress when ds and dd got in there. They were both about 4 months when they went into the cot (we had borrowed a moses basket for the first little bit). At first they were in with us but ds went into his own room across the hall at about 4 weeks as he was the loudest sleeper and snuffler and I literally had no more than 2 hrs sleep during the night. Dd was in with us for longer, then she transferred to a cupboard (walk-in closet off our room with the door open) as it was darker and she really liked sleeping in pitch black, then she moved in to share with ds at about 5 months. I had intended for them both to be in with us for longer, but that's how it worked out best for us.

flamesparrow · 28/04/2005 08:07

Mud - its not like she is telling her to put the baby faced down with lots of loose blankets over it!!!

Not so long ago parents were being told it was best to sleep children on their fronts, or you get the woman with all her "research" about wrapping mattresses. Its not as cut and dried as that.

emkana · 28/04/2005 08:54

roobie, it's not true that the advice about the cot in the parents' bedroom is the antidote to co-sleeping - it is about sleeping in the parents' bedroom as opposed to sleeping in a room of his/her own. According to this link "sharing a bedroom with parents reduced babies' risk of SIDS to one-third that of babies sleeping alone in a separate room." Why this is is not clear, apparently.

welshmum · 28/04/2005 09:30

It's an interesting one. I fully intended to have dd in with us for the requisite 6 months but had no idea of just how going on to 'mummy alert' would affect my sleep. I was literally awake every half hour - not to feed her just because I could hear her snuffling and snoring and breathing - I was just concious of her being right there. As a result I became very very sleep deprived, I couldn't function and I thought I was being prevented from caring for her/bonding with her. So we decided at 5 weeks she should go into her own cot, in her own room - despite knowing what we did about cot death. She was fine, I got more sleep. Were we right or wrong to weigh up the chances of cot death versus the absolute certainty of no sleep???

Roobie · 28/04/2005 14:34

I agree that there is research out there that suggests that sleeping in parents room may be beneficial. However this is just one of the many risk-reducing factors so, if it is not practical, then I would frankly not overly worry if this was the only aspect that was not adhered to.
Incidently there is also research out there that indicates that breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS - what a minefield!!

highlander · 28/04/2005 21:24

WTF mud??????????? I don't quite understand the attack

Their are a number of decisions that parents can make that may be beneficial in reducing the chance of a cot death, but as cot death is a multi-factorial disease and no one thing has been advised as an absolute risk factor, it's up to parents to decide how to parent their infant. (and I'm assuming that everyone has their baby sleeping on their back and don't smoke in the house - definite risk factors)

If there was a history of sudden cardiac death or cot death in my family then I would definitely have the baby in my room, as well as insisiting on an ECG for the baby before I left hospital.

As for the other advice - I think most parents make an informed choice.

nailpolish · 28/04/2005 21:39

my 6 mth old dd sleeps on her front, always has, just like her sister, me, my brother, etc

oh and she now sleeps in her own room

i think its important this thread stays supportive, considering the initial post where mogwai said she had been slated before, and the thread title

charellie · 28/04/2005 22:13

I was on your original thread

I would suggest putting a moses basket in the big cot,however my twins went straight to a big cot and didn't seem to feel insecure and they were moved to their own room by 3 months.

I have a friend whose husband is a GP and she felt it was very important her husband got a full nights sleep and so moved her ds to his own room from a very early age and if needed slept in her ds room if he was unsettled.

I think if you have the full facts about cot death then you can make an informed decision and plenty of mothers do decide to put their babies in their own room from day one.

highlander · 29/04/2005 02:50

sorry mogwai, I certainly didn't mean this to turn horrible

has any of this been of help?

Have you been shopping for lots of nice nursery stuff yet? Is the credit card taking a beating?

When DS was really tiny I used to spend ages arranging the soft toy collection at the top of his cot . And admiring how his PJ's were colour co-ordinated with his duvet cover . Ah the joys of a first time mum!

mummylonglegs · 29/04/2005 10:07

I didn't read your original thread either, mogwai.

My experience was that, like you, I wanted dd in her own cot and we planned to sleep in her room with her (we shuffled everything so we could fit in a double mattress, looked a real tip, but she didn't care and it was only temporary) for the first couple of months, then move out. I'm glad we decided to do that for a few reasons. Firstly, I found I was getting up and down to her all the time in those first weeks and it was much easier to only have so reach across the room (I was very painful after birth and getting in and out of bed was horrible). Secondly, I was working at the time with a woman who's first dd died in her cot alone at night and she so indoctrinated me with fear about not risking ANYTHING even if the advice is not totally proven that I couldn't take a chance in the end. I'm also a light sleeper, and contrary to other people's experiences here I found I actually slept better if I could hear and see that she was ok. When she was out of sight and earshot I worried unconsciously and my sleep was dire. What I did do was get some earplugs so that her shuffly (or in our case straining groany noise, very odd!) noises didn't constantly wake me up but I'd still be able to hear her cry and dp wasn't bothered by any of her noises so could sleep through the groany bits. Between us, I figured, we'd hear if anything was wrong. Anyhow, her sleeping got better and more peaceful and she slept happily all night in her cot from about 10 weeks old. We grew so fond of sleeping in the same room as her we stayed put for the first 10 months then decamped with no major problems. For naps right up until she was about 9 months old I had her more or less wherever I was: in the buggy, on a big cushion in the lounge, on my knee. Then we gradually started doing her naps in the cot. Again, no problems.

I don't think you need to be too pragmatic, go with what suits you. Be aware of research and most of all be prepared to be flexible when your little one arrives.

FLUM · 29/04/2005 10:12

I think its fine to put a baby in a full size cot. will not feel any different to the baby will it. and they don't move much when so young. lots of mums like to have baby in same room as them but it can be disturbing for your very precious sleep in the early days.

Mud · 29/04/2005 10:13

I'm sorry too mogwai

I'm also sorry to highlander, probably a bit harsh its just the 'maternal instinct far outweighs any scientific research to the contrary' that truly truly bothers me

AnnieSG · 04/08/2005 19:53

Mogwai,
How appalling for you must have been! And what bloody nonsense about it being dangerous.
I also was quite quick about getting my two into their own rooms and did it at about seven weeks. Actually, with number two it was even earlier - about a month, but we had moved by then and it was nearer to our room. Why is the cot size an issue? Don't quite understand that....do you mean as opposed to a moses basket crib thingy?
I found it incredible how quickly the little bleeders grew, actually! Within just a few weeks they seemed cramped in a moses basket. Good luck anyway.

Nightynight · 04/08/2005 20:22

sorry you got slated mogwai!
my experience was ... the husband moved to a separate room

AnnieSG · 04/08/2005 21:57

Incidentally, on the 'noisy little buggers, aren't they' topic, did anyone else ever hear their newborn babe neigh like a horse?
Gave me such a shock!

colditz · 04/08/2005 22:03

No Annie, but ds farted so loud while still in the hospital that the midwife gave me a filthy look!

AnnieSG · 05/08/2005 08:58

Are you sure it was him, Colditz?

acnebride · 05/08/2005 09:23

sorry, haven't read all the thread. DS went into a moses basket in a cot in a separate room (in England, in the world, in the universe) on day 3 because he fed all night and either I had to feed him all night without moving an inch so as not to wake dh or I went into his room and settled down to watch previously-taped multiple issues of ER.

then at six weeks I thought he was bored in the moses basket because he couldn't see much and stuck him in the cot.

risk shmisk.

emkana · 05/08/2005 09:29

Every parent has the right of course to make an informed decision about the feeding, sleeping arrangements, whatever of their baby. But to deny there is a risk when there is scientific proof... that I will never understand.
Can I just post this link again? For those of you who are still trying to make the decision...

highlander · 05/08/2005 09:31

DS went into his cot at 3 weeks, in his own room. He kept whacking his hands on the side of the bassinet. And he was the noisiest sleeper in the world. Coupled with DH's snoring, and his bloody pager when he was on call.......

Distance yourself from these neurotic people Moggers - you are a wonderful mum. BTW, has your DD smiled at you yet? (can't remember how old she is).

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